Hi to my new friends,
Day 2: Yesterday was a true roller coaster of a ride. The morning was full of despair, sorrow, self-loathing et al, and I downloaded the book and read about half of it, (will try to finish later today, if possible, the kids & grandkids are coming for Easter Dinner) and spent a lot of time on this web-site reading and doing my first post. Thanks to those that took the time out to respond, it helps tremendously.
In my mind I beleive that total abstinance is the only way for me. To put the temptation in my hands would be too much, as I heard once at an AA meeting before (yep tried that route, but failed) its not the last drink you have that evening, but the first. That rang a bell in my head, and it was like a lifgt bulb being swithched on. I never realized how true that was for me. My inhibitions and will-power were lost, besides what harm would having two drinks have rather than one?, then is three, four and onwards.
Yesterday, I mentioned to my wife that this was the only answer for me, tried to apologize for all the hurt, but she has "heard it all before". Which is true, but i really hope that this time it is going to be different. I got the (continuing) cold shoulder for a while, then a couple of hours later, we sat in the kitchen and talked. Something we have not done a lot of lately, on my part its what can I say that will make a difference. I have put her through a lot, it must be difficult for my loved one to see the mess I'm in. And hard for her to comprehend the addiction of it. "Why can't you stop after one or two? You've done it before". But it is one of the hardest things to do. I tried to explain the stop button gets turned off by the brain and cannot be turned on again until the bar is closed, thereby making the decision for me.
Plus, her ex-husband and the kids father has just been diagnosed and hospitalised with cirrhosis, a very bad case. Though we have been married nearly 25 years now, a contact was always there as the kids grew up and more recently with marriages, grandkids, and the odd funeral. There is a little bit od soul searching going on there.
Also, her company is going through a large merger and she is concerned about losing her job.
So all in all, a lot of emotions going on, as they say it never rains but it pours. We have decided to stay together (for now), a split being not in either of our wants or wishes.
So day 2, (48 hours) comes and goes, with the task ahead no easier, since golf season is almost upon us and with those hot days and cold beer riding around on a cart.
I hate the idea of drugs, but think I'll try the supplements, when I can get to a store. Not sure about the CD's, I've always hated the idea of hypnosis, but if they are just a relaxation tool, then I'll think about it. Need to do more reading.
I apologize for the rambling, but I feel better sharing ...
:racer:
PS land shark is the nickname of the Porsche 928, the nose looks like a shark's nose
Day 2: Yesterday was a true roller coaster of a ride. The morning was full of despair, sorrow, self-loathing et al, and I downloaded the book and read about half of it, (will try to finish later today, if possible, the kids & grandkids are coming for Easter Dinner) and spent a lot of time on this web-site reading and doing my first post. Thanks to those that took the time out to respond, it helps tremendously.
In my mind I beleive that total abstinance is the only way for me. To put the temptation in my hands would be too much, as I heard once at an AA meeting before (yep tried that route, but failed) its not the last drink you have that evening, but the first. That rang a bell in my head, and it was like a lifgt bulb being swithched on. I never realized how true that was for me. My inhibitions and will-power were lost, besides what harm would having two drinks have rather than one?, then is three, four and onwards.
Yesterday, I mentioned to my wife that this was the only answer for me, tried to apologize for all the hurt, but she has "heard it all before". Which is true, but i really hope that this time it is going to be different. I got the (continuing) cold shoulder for a while, then a couple of hours later, we sat in the kitchen and talked. Something we have not done a lot of lately, on my part its what can I say that will make a difference. I have put her through a lot, it must be difficult for my loved one to see the mess I'm in. And hard for her to comprehend the addiction of it. "Why can't you stop after one or two? You've done it before". But it is one of the hardest things to do. I tried to explain the stop button gets turned off by the brain and cannot be turned on again until the bar is closed, thereby making the decision for me.
Plus, her ex-husband and the kids father has just been diagnosed and hospitalised with cirrhosis, a very bad case. Though we have been married nearly 25 years now, a contact was always there as the kids grew up and more recently with marriages, grandkids, and the odd funeral. There is a little bit od soul searching going on there.
Also, her company is going through a large merger and she is concerned about losing her job.
So all in all, a lot of emotions going on, as they say it never rains but it pours. We have decided to stay together (for now), a split being not in either of our wants or wishes.
So day 2, (48 hours) comes and goes, with the task ahead no easier, since golf season is almost upon us and with those hot days and cold beer riding around on a cart.
I hate the idea of drugs, but think I'll try the supplements, when I can get to a store. Not sure about the CD's, I've always hated the idea of hypnosis, but if they are just a relaxation tool, then I'll think about it. Need to do more reading.
I apologize for the rambling, but I feel better sharing ...
:racer:
PS land shark is the nickname of the Porsche 928, the nose looks like a shark's nose
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