Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

[Sake123]

I have been sober before, 8 years to be exact. But that was in my youthful years. As I fast forward to the age of 44 with an 8 year daughter, I realize that life is very different. I spend most days frustrated, angry and just wishing for the clock to turn to 8pm so I can have that drink. The drink that makes me temporarily forget about the laundry, the bills, the stupid mess the dog made etc etc!

I have been thinking and talking about quitting for a few years now (at least). And have had a few failed attempts. My mom..my very best friend, died 2.5 years ago. I have been living in a suspended state ever since. I'm short tempered with my daughter and my husband because they just won't behave the way I "think" they should. Then I feel sorry for myself that I have to cope with all their crap. LOL!

I've spent a lot of time thinking "if only xxxx - then I wouldn't drink so much". Dawned on me this morning that this perfect household, perfect child, perfect finances, perfect pets etc just doesn't exists and never will. And that I somehow much learn to cope with life without the bottle. Someone told me a few weeks back that I need to make friends with the universe. After finding out that I needed 1300 done to my car, 2 dogs in the vet with issues, bills up the ying yang etc etc - a bird took a big crap right on me! LOL! I guess my friend was right, I need to make friends with the universe.

Anyway - It's Friday and I'm wondering why I picked a Thursday to quit!?!? But I know the answer...there is always going to be a Friday, a party, a holiday, a vacation. But my liver has had it with me. So, here's to day 2!! Coping with whatever comes my way. I pray for strength and no bird poop!!

[K9Lover]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Hi Sake!

I completely understand where you're coming from. I used to survive each day looking forward to the short time that alcohol made me "forget". I was usually good at about 3-4 beers, but being an alcoholic I never quit there, I'd drink 10 and then panic that I only had 2 left so I'd drive to the store for more...stupid and dangerous! Then I'd wake up hungover and just thankful that I'd made it home. And whatever I was trying to forget was still there, but now I'd have to deal with it along with a pounding head and nausea. The cycle is vicious! You're right, nothing is ever going to be perfect, so there's no perfect day to quit. I quit on a Friday...I figured I'd get the first weekend and the first 3 days over with in one swoop! You can do this. Stick close to us and keep posting. Have a great poop-free weekend! LOL

K9

[Sake123]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

K9 - As I sit here looking at my messy house...I am thankful to be looking at it without the hangover. I plan to stick close. I have so much pride and that has kept me from actually reaching out for help. My time in AA made me somewhat leery. But I realize now that, that in itself is just another excuse. I know that other people, such as yourself have been able to achieve sobriety. And have poked around on this forum just enough to know that there are people here who have what I want.
Thanks for responding. And congrats on your sobriety!!

[K9Lover]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Thank you Sake! I am not Superwoman, so believe me when I say that if I can do it, you can do it too! All it takes is a committment that you will not drink again "no matter what, no matter who" as our Beloved Byrdie says!

And you know what, a messy house is not the end of the world! You'll get it cleaned eventually, in the meantime, don't stress over it! Focus on how you are not going to drink today.

Do something nice for yourself this weekend...something just for you! I promise that in 2-3 days you'll be feeling a lot better and stronger. And please stick close to us!

[Sake123]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Good advice...I will try to find something nice to do. I think I hear a facial calling me!
Hope you have a wonderful weekend as well. Thanks again.

[K9Lover]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Ok now I'm jealous! LOL

My "treat" for myself will probably be browsing around the thrift store...I find it so therapeutic, and I get so EXCITED when I find cute stuff for such a bargain! I'm guess I'm pretty simple. HA

[Pinecone]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Hi Sake123,

Welcome back. I can identify with so much in your post, especially the anger and frustration and waiting to get to happy hour. Your post is so honest. That's a wonderful thing because we need to be honest to beat this thing. I have always wanted things to be a certain "way" too and I'm quickly angered if they are not. That's one of the things I'm trying to work on now.

I was like that when I was drinking. I'm still like that but the difference now is that I can start to chip away at MY problem, not the world's. This was never possible when I was drinking, I just kept going around and around. The bird poop will always be there, figuratively speaking.

I admire you for quitting on a Thursday, that takes guts! I'm glad you're with us.

[Sake123]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

K9 - me and a good friend love to go thrift shopping. It's always so fun to find a good deal. I found a beautiful quilt from pottery barn for my daughters room. Paid like 6 bucks! :-) I wish you luck!

Pinecone - I'm not sure that it's guts...might be stupidity! LOL! Seriously, thank you for responding. It's good to know that there are others that have struggled with the same control or lack thereof issues. I'm also hopeful to hear that you are making some headway. I hope the same for myself. Thanks!

[little beagle]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Sake I understand all about anger and frustration. I drank at them for years. They didn't go away. I just became an ugly drunk. I'm still angry and frustrated a lot, but now I can reason with myself about why and how to deal with it. I planted an anger garden this summer. It's beautiful. Every time I look at it I smile instead of gnashing my teeth.
Stick with us. You might find something to laugh at occasionally.

[trudigoodie]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Sake.. I really enjoyed reading your post, am on 6(am starting to lose count).
Anger was a reason to make me drink, but am chillin out a bit now, I realise how silly the issues are to get all hot headed about.

[sanchez]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Well put LB. Never heard the phrase "I drank at them for years." But it is in fact what we do.

Sake - welcome! If you were AF for 8 years, then you know you can do it again. What was the reason you went back after so long being AF anyway? Just curious, if it was an old or new trigger or if the beast just caught you off guard. I think that's in the back of my mind anyway and only 30 days in, always leery of how the temptation is going to present itself and will I let my guard down. Hope not!

Can definitely identify with you on the messy house. Mine was dirtier than usual as well, not just messy. Clear eyes and a clear head allowed me to own up to all the things I denied over the years. I lied to myself about being such an organized person. Used to brag about "a place for everything and everything in its place". HA. Not true the last couple of years. Then the AL depression sets in and the lack of self esteem that goes with it, which then fueled the anger and frustration so a drink was in order to help me escape. The cycles just goes round and round.

And, why not a Thursday? My first AF day was August 8; a Thursday too. Who does that? Those of us that have had it. Those of us that have been embarassed for the last time. Those of us that are serious. Like K9 says, it doesn't matter what day of the week it is. You know when enough is enough.

Take care - and keep us in the loop on your progress. Great place this MWO site.

[Sake123]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Thanks for your input and understanding. I love the idea of an "anger garden" and I love the idea of once again owning up to cleaning the house instead of just doing it when someone comes over.

Sanchez - I started drinking again when I was around 28 years old. It was over something very stupid...a boy was cheating on me. LOL! Looking back on it now it's all so ridiculous but a voice came into my head and I went to the bar, sat down and had tequila straight shots. I think 2 or 3. They drank "socially" maybe a little more than socially for years. Then maybe over the last 6 or 7 years all the sudden I was drinking daily. So..There you go.

[witts end]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

I'm still trying to start to clean my house it needs a good clean from top to bottom

I never really drank until I was in my late forties and my brother-inlaw was killed suddenly and my husband developed bi-polo depression and refuses to admit that he has a problem and I took everything personal and drank and that made the situation worse because when I had too much to drink I had the courage to tell him what i thought and of course it came out all wrong
I would then take the blame for my drinking causing the problems
but now i know its not all me but his moods still bring me undone
but I cant drink for I will black out and give him a mouth full
for some unknown reason he is the only one that has coped the brunt of my alcohol

sorry rambled off then

[Sake123]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

Witts end - I am sorry to hear about such a tragic death in your family. and the aftermath because of it. But it sounds like something good came from all of it in a round about way. And I understand what you're saying. My husband gets the ugly brunt of my alcohol abuse as well. Everyone else thinks I'm full of sunshine and roses!

[bimble01]

Drinking to cope...quiting to cope

i am so glad i found this,specially the messy house and dogs!!! my house is a tip,the dogs aredriving me mad,both malting and in season,i started to hoover and gave up,im weak from constant drinking,no enthusiasm etc,every morning i wake up and think rte todays the day,ill blitz house,go for a walk etc...then i think sod it and have a cider..soo fed up of it xx