I write this to help myself, not particularly for responses.
Have just blown 28 days AF and drank on friday night.
Only 4 (500ml cans), would have been more if I didnt fall asleep on the sofa (as I do).
Same again last night. Did nt go for my run this morning :-( .
I walk around today completely lost and miserable.
When can I start drinking ??? Pathetic, my thoughts are constantly about planning my alcohol schedule.
I know longer like going out for a drink, would prefer to drink alone. How sad is that.
I am really at a loss now on where to go from here.
Cant seem to build a long period of abstinence.
My wife drinks, but not heavily. 1/2 bottle of wine on a friday and saturday would be her usual. I drink in secret quite a bit, so she is unaware of my actual intake.
Havent done anything "stupid" in a long time, dont miss work etc.
When I am drinking, I struggle to put 3 straight days AF. Moderation for me is tougher than abstinence. Is it tougher because I dont seem to have a "rock bottom" moment.
I also feel quite selfish about being on here. I am probably not the most supportive to others ? I just seem to come on here to whinge about yet another relapse !!!
Really pissed off now, being so close to 30 days AF, which I look as a milestone.
But I suppose, thanks to mwo, I now drink less, but I dont want "less", I want to be AF !!
My relapses used to to go on for months. Now after a few days, I want to quit again.
Maybe 1 day, I will celebrate "30 days" or "6 months" or maybe even a year. I really hope so.
My father is/was a chronic alcoholic. He almost lost everything and ended up on the streets.
He is now over 2 years sober and his life has completely turned around, a great dad and grandad now. He has no idea of my worries. Maybe I might talk to him. We are quite close.
Anyway, I hope to go back to day 1 again. Apologies for my burdening yet again, but it really helps me to write down my shit.
Hope you all have a nice day.
Damo in Dublin
x
Have just blown 28 days AF and drank on friday night.
Only 4 (500ml cans), would have been more if I didnt fall asleep on the sofa (as I do).
Same again last night. Did nt go for my run this morning :-( .
I walk around today completely lost and miserable.
When can I start drinking ??? Pathetic, my thoughts are constantly about planning my alcohol schedule.
I know longer like going out for a drink, would prefer to drink alone. How sad is that.
I am really at a loss now on where to go from here.
Cant seem to build a long period of abstinence.
My wife drinks, but not heavily. 1/2 bottle of wine on a friday and saturday would be her usual. I drink in secret quite a bit, so she is unaware of my actual intake.
Havent done anything "stupid" in a long time, dont miss work etc.
When I am drinking, I struggle to put 3 straight days AF. Moderation for me is tougher than abstinence. Is it tougher because I dont seem to have a "rock bottom" moment.
I also feel quite selfish about being on here. I am probably not the most supportive to others ? I just seem to come on here to whinge about yet another relapse !!!
Really pissed off now, being so close to 30 days AF, which I look as a milestone.
But I suppose, thanks to mwo, I now drink less, but I dont want "less", I want to be AF !!
My relapses used to to go on for months. Now after a few days, I want to quit again.
Maybe 1 day, I will celebrate "30 days" or "6 months" or maybe even a year. I really hope so.
My father is/was a chronic alcoholic. He almost lost everything and ended up on the streets.
He is now over 2 years sober and his life has completely turned around, a great dad and grandad now. He has no idea of my worries. Maybe I might talk to him. We are quite close.
Anyway, I hope to go back to day 1 again. Apologies for my burdening yet again, but it really helps me to write down my shit.
Hope you all have a nice day.
Damo in Dublin
x
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