mae all ..and how are we today? well here it is ...the weekend ...one less till Christmas I hear you say....Ho fkn Ho!! Just jumped in ..no thread start ..so here we go tho ,I reckon by the time its finished someone else will have started .
Right t n cawfee it is
Morning Sam ...how are you? seen the avatar change..take that is you?bit clever at this computer lark aint you :H any plans for the weekend or doin the do?
Morning Lav ...how are you this fine day?Lights on for the chickens ...whats up they trying to read or summat??Whats today got in store for you?anything lined up...apart from this coffee? have a good one
Hiya Pauly ..well glad you are back with us ..yep its a learning process...any single one of us could be in that position.53 is just baby numbers to this time ..you watch!
Hi yah ,nice to see you again ...hope all is well with you n the family drama..your own built in soap series!!!
Hiya ppqp ...you ok? whats the book?anything excitin?have a cawfee to go with it.
Hiya Sunshine ...you ok ..now that mucking out the horses is done ?Snow ...arrggh ..it had a wee try the other night here ,but it was only that sleety stuff ...you know the wet snow!!!
Congrats on your 2 weeks :goodjob::wd::wave::banana:
Hiya SF ...how are you?back is still really sore but at least I can move now ...feels like someone has kicked lumps out of the bottom of my spine..no disco dancing for me.Have you any plans for the weekend ...movie on Sunday morning prhaps????have a good weekend.
right peeps have a great day one n all ......to those that are missing ....big hi and take care.
Lawyer: ?Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?? Client: ?After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I?m beginning to think I didn?t.?
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit. The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he?d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day. When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, ?Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?? ?Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband?s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit,? the mortician replied. ?His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit.? Albert?s wife smiled at the undertaker. ?After that,? he continued, ?it was just a matter of swapping the heads.?
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest.
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?
Leonard: Why? Jacob: She had bright students!
Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!
Peter: What?s the difference between a teacher and a train?
Ted: What?
Peter: A teacher says, ?Spit out that gum!? and a train says, ?Chew! Chew!?
What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. ?Is everything okay, pal??, the bartender asks. ?My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn?t talking to me for a month!?. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, ?Well, maybe that?s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?? ?Yeah. But today is the last day?.
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day off."
An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor. Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that. The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus."
Right t n cawfee it is
Morning Sam ...how are you? seen the avatar change..take that is you?bit clever at this computer lark aint you :H any plans for the weekend or doin the do?
Morning Lav ...how are you this fine day?Lights on for the chickens ...whats up they trying to read or summat??Whats today got in store for you?anything lined up...apart from this coffee? have a good one
Hiya Pauly ..well glad you are back with us ..yep its a learning process...any single one of us could be in that position.53 is just baby numbers to this time ..you watch!
Hi yah ,nice to see you again ...hope all is well with you n the family drama..your own built in soap series!!!
Hiya ppqp ...you ok? whats the book?anything excitin?have a cawfee to go with it.
Hiya Sunshine ...you ok ..now that mucking out the horses is done ?Snow ...arrggh ..it had a wee try the other night here ,but it was only that sleety stuff ...you know the wet snow!!!
Congrats on your 2 weeks :goodjob::wd::wave::banana:
Hiya SF ...how are you?back is still really sore but at least I can move now ...feels like someone has kicked lumps out of the bottom of my spine..no disco dancing for me.Have you any plans for the weekend ...movie on Sunday morning prhaps????have a good weekend.
right peeps have a great day one n all ......to those that are missing ....big hi and take care.
Lawyer: ?Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?? Client: ?After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I?m beginning to think I didn?t.?
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit. The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he?d see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day. When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, ?Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?? ?Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband?s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit,? the mortician replied. ?His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit.? Albert?s wife smiled at the undertaker. ?After that,? he continued, ?it was just a matter of swapping the heads.?
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest.
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?
Leonard: Why? Jacob: She had bright students!
Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!
Peter: What?s the difference between a teacher and a train?
Ted: What?
Peter: A teacher says, ?Spit out that gum!? and a train says, ?Chew! Chew!?
What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. ?Is everything okay, pal??, the bartender asks. ?My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn?t talking to me for a month!?. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, ?Well, maybe that?s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?? ?Yeah. But today is the last day?.
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day off."
An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor. Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that. The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus."
Things are moving along in my personal/professional life, so that is a good thing. 
Anyway, off to get ready for work now. 
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