Why I don't drink occasionally even though I think I could

[NoSugar]

There have been some posts recently by people who after a good amount of time AF have decided to try to drink occasionally (not moderately as in no more than one per day but one or two every once in awhile).

It might very well work for them and I hope it does. I know there are people who used to be actively addicted to alcohol and now drink only on rare special occasions. We don't know much about them because they don't need to participate in a forum such as this to keep that commitment. My hope is that many friends who have disappeared from MWO are doing just that - contentedly living mostly AF lives without need of peer support.

Giving myself the option to drink occasionally crosses my mind in that it would be socially less awkward sometimes and maybe I could enjoy a glass of wine during special occasions like I did before I became addicted . After all, I occasionally have a sweet treat even though my overall approach is to avoid added sugar and doing so never sets me off on a sugar-binge anymore. So, yes, I actually do think I could do it but for several reasons, I'm not going to run that experiment.

MWO has helped me by giving me a place to organize and share my thoughts on this topic. Because my normally dormant addicted brain perked up at the thought of a drink, I decided to list why I'm not going to drink even though I think I could.

1. Alcohol is an addictive toxin and a poison that affects our bodies and brains each and every time we consume it - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyHb4XsqABQ&app=desktop
2. It contributes to insulin resistance and all the consequences that that leads to.
3. I love the mindpeace that comes from never having to debate with myself about whether a particular occasion is sufficiently special to have a drink or whether I can have 'just one more'.
4. I like the alternative beverages I drink.
5. I like the alternative relaxation techniques I've learned.
6. I love having no regrets or lost memories.
7. I like being known as a non-drinker so I don't have to explain why I am or am not drinking on a particular occasion.
8. I love being available to people I care about at all times.
9. It is rewarding to see friends drinking less - I'm showing them that it isn't necessary for having fun.
10. Most importantly, I might be wrong that I could get away with it. Now that I'm not actively addicted, I can make choices about alcohol in the same way that I make other life decisions - with a clear head, weighing the benefits and consequences.

Before I joined MWO, I thought my situation was unique. It didn't take long before I realized we are more alike than different when it comes to addiction. Finally putting my ego aside and giving up the idea that I could think my way out of the mess I was in made all the difference. I stopped trying to "reinvent the wheel" and just did what those ahead of me that I admired were doing - and it worked. That got me free and it keeps me free. Sure, I might be able to have a glass of wine now and then but it also might eventually (in day, week, month, year?) lead me back to the hell I was in as it did for the people who so generously told their stories here: https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...-in-Retrospect

For me, what I would gain from being able to have a glass of wine now and then isn't worth the risk. I truly am not judging others who make a different choice and I hope it works for them and they find balance and peace. But I hope everyone who considers running the experiment does the boring cost/benefit analysis and makes an informed decision with full awareness of the rewards and consequences either way.

This site is called "My Way Out" for a reason - may we all find ours.

All the best to all of you, NS

[Byrdlady]

Different people, different paths. Hopefully, some wisdom has come with some of this age, I don't have to find out everything the hard way. This is not a gamble I 'm willing to take either. Thank you for your thought-provoking post.

I am in awe of the power of this addiction. Byrdie

[paulywogg]

It only serves to remind me of the bargaining Byrdie mentions,"I'll only drink on weekends" or special occasions, never while upset or sad,etc.

[Eloise]

Yeah, I think reason #10 is the one that keeps me on track. Plus, I do not ever want to have to quit again. Ever. That was no fun for a long time.
Now it is great... Gonna stick with the here and now and leave the mystery of ' what if ' alone.
Appreciate your post NS, thanks!

[available]

Why the hell would i want to take the chance of taking a drink for a birthday, to be sociable, a wedding, a christening, a funeral, when i came on here hoping for a way out of where i was. Why do i want to play Russian roulette with my life for something that gave me no positives, who took me to hell and wanted to keep me there and spit me out when al was done. Why do i want to take the chance of ending up dead from al? Why when we came here with a drinking problem do we think it is fixed after a certain amount of time. We are all alcoholics plain and simple. I seen my brother die from alcoholism, it is a disease, it is an addiction and we can kid ourselves all we want we are able to control al but the control lasts for so long. The justification kicks in, the lying kicks in, the depression, the guilt, the shame, the remorse, the health issues, the hiding, the pain, it wont go away as long as we drink.

For me NS i choose not to dig that hole again, its not because i have no faith that i can control al but it took me 20 years to find this site in my addicted haze and being sober for a year and a half has not fixed me by any means. Living daily without al is fixing me but i will never drink again. It is the choice i have made. I love my family and i love my life. i have seen what al has done as i am sure a lot on here have also. I choose not to destroy what i have been given back. I choose to live the rest of my life sober and without any internal battles, any justifications of why i can drink, i choose to live free from a drug that should be illegal. It is my choice just as it is others choices to play with fire.

[scottish lass]

Thank you NS....

[little beagle]

Thank you NS. I too never want to go back. And I don't want a drink. I wouldn't buy just 1 beer. Or if I did, it would be a big one. And that would be just the beginning.
I hate that internal debate. Bargaining. The door is firmly closed in my mind. On the other side of that door lies chaos. And I do this to show those I love and care about how much I love them. I show them the best part of me. The sober me. I didn't like the drunk me and neither did they.
This is my personal decision.

[Sunbeam]

I simply don't want to drink any more. There is nothing in an alcoholic drink that would make my life better in any way. I can socialize with a glass of soda, and not worry about anything including my next drink. I'm not afraid to have a drink, I just don't want to.

[Marylou123]

Such a timely thread for me. I had a chat with a lady I've known for many, many years (20+) this morning. She knew I had quit drinking and asked me how long it had been. I told her almost a year and a half. She thought about it a few seconds and then said, "thirteen years." I had no idea. She said she'll have a beer every now and then but no more and very rarely. I told her I'm in no position to do that at this point in my quit, and may never be. Then logged on, and read this thread. So, it seems there are some people that can handle one on occasion and not relapse. Personally, I never want to go through that again. Ever. Thanks No Sugar.

[BeachGirly]

Thanks NS - you have hit the nail on the head again - you have a way with words - love it.

Man - I am proud of all us... we all found our way here on our own, but now we are all here together, supporting and sharing. Wonderful!!!

[Pavati]

Thanks, No Sugar.

I get the feeling that I COULD drink, that I want to drink, just a little.

Then I remember my life before I quit and there is NO WAY I want to go back there.

I always think of the words 3June typed here - If only one, why not none.

Pav

[narilly]

Thanks NS, you have a way with words. I find myself toying with the idea of just one drink occasionally but then I kick myself in the butt and Change my thought process. I know one drink is never enough for me. It might be enough the first couple of times but soon I will be back to 2 or 3 glasses, then 1/2 bottle, then 1 bottle and so on. I do not want to experience another hangover, Ever. I have a hangover just after a couple of glasses of wine and blackout pretty quickly too. I am a total lightweight drinker.
Anyway, I want to live the life I want which means NO AL. Never ever.

We can do this together.

[narilly]

X post Pav

[LavenderBlue]

For me, it's easier to focus on not drinking than to try to remake myself into someone who only drinks sometimes - the idea of having to figure out when I'm "allowed" and when I'm not doesn't sound like much fun to me. I think it's certainly possible that if I'd caught myself sooner maybe I could have, who knows? I know that getting to the point that I had to come here makes me pretty sure a switch got flipped in my brain and for myself, it doesn't do much good to decide when that happened. It happened, and now my best plan is to deal with what is instead of what could have been.

And in the moment? Well, I figure that if I don't have a problem it should be easy not to drink just to make sure I'm safe, right? If I had a bad allergic reaction to something, I wouldn't keep trying to eat small amounts hoping it worked out; I'd quit eating whatever it was.

Obv, sometimes I do still want to drink even though it's not healthy for me, so until I don't *want* to anymore I figure I shouldn't. And of course, the times that I *honestly* could take it or leave it, I find I'm happier choosing other alternatives!

I think the way I look at it is also affected by the way I quit. The only way I could quit AL (or cigarettes) was by really making myself see how bad they were for me, and then making a choice for my own health to stop. Having seen that side of them, having made myself look at it and make a choice to stop, I can't see it being good for me to turn around and think, "Oh, but sometimes it's ok." I'm not saying what anyone else can or should do; just for me and the way I quit, I can't both be quit AND feel like having some is no big deal. The two thought patterns oppose each other, you know?

I also suspect that even if I could drink moderately while things are going well...I'm not 100% confident I would once a disaster hit, as they do sometimes. Right now, if something horrible happens, I'm strong in my understanding that drinking my feelings away won't help. If I was already drinking occasionally? I'm not sure I'd be strong enough - and if I was, it would be a whole lot harder to abstain.

I also like how I spend my time better when I'm sober. So again, when I'm thinking rationally there's no good reason to drink, and if it's because I'm craving it in the moment that an even better sign that I'd be better off not.

I'm not in a position to second guess or judge anyone else. I know myself well enough, and have managed to be honest enough with myself, to know what makes sense for me and what doesn't. I'm also super aware of how much easier it is to actually relapse once those first one or two drinks happen - not just from my life, or stories from others, but even from the last time I quit smoking. In my regular life, I'm neither jealous of nor judgemental towards folks who are still drinking occasionally; it is what it is. My life is in a place where I'm better off and happier without, but I'm not going to yell at someone else for feeling differently about their life. I'm not going to lie about feeling like it's a risk, but it's not my job to tell someone else what to risk and what not to.

Hope that made sense, I just woke up and need to get ready to get to an appointment!

[Lavande]

Thanks for starting this thread NS

I initially had hoped to 'learn' to drink moderately after my first 30 days. But, as I approached that 30 AF day point I just knew that wasn't going to happen. By the time I hit 30 days I was absolutely sure that I had to remain AF. I was absolutely sure at that point that I did not have another quit in me. I remain eternally grateful for that bit of wisdom. Not sure where it came from but I feel blessed.

Acceptance = no regrets for me