My husband is th Devil!

[buffy]

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[buffy]

My husband is th Devil!

this is probably OCD...but an "e" is missing in my title post! It is driving me crazy and I can't figure out how to add it. HELP...before I scream!

[Newyear]

My husband is th Devil!

Hey Buffy...
Not sure how to fix the e for you!
Was your husband trying to sabotage you or does he just not understand the issue?
It is very hard to say no when it is so inviting. Can you explain this to him and get him on your "team" - we all need the extra support.
Hope you feel better today ...

Lisa

[trixietrack]

My husband is th Devil!

Hi Buffy my BF does similar things. he comes home and asks where the wine is while am serving dinner. it's confusing, I tell him no booze today. then he gets a big magnum bottle out of his backpack with a huge smile.
He knows very well that I am trying with all my strengh to slow down. he also knows that he needs to slow down himself.

[gabby]

My husband is th Devil!

My bf does all that only with food.

[adagirl]

My husband is th Devil!

My DH would never do this w/alcohol because he doesn't drink and has grown to not like my drinking. But, he used to do this w/food a lot (which we both need to lose weight, but I have usually been more overweight than him). I've been doing Weight Watchers for over a year now and lost 35 pounds, though. I have to say that the only thing that stopped his saboteur (is that even a word?) behavior is not caving whenever he would offer the tempting foods. It used to make me feel like I was the total party pooper, raining on his parade, not being appreciative, etc. But, bottom line is I need to lose this weight so I can be healthy and there for my family. So, he may not like it that I don't join in the fun of eating all the bad stuff w/him, but I know (coming from a family w/an obese mom who has serious health issues because of it) that I am doing what is right for them and me (regardless of what they understand or realize).

ANYWAY, I know it is super hard, but you might just have to be the party pooper to get him to stop. It will feel like you are rejecting him and that is really hard, but it may be the only way that he can finally get it that you are serious.

Oh, another idea (if you are not completely AF, but mods once in awhile) is to get him involved in planning the nights you will mods and make it a special occasion. I splurge every once in awhile on WW and when I do, I get him involved in what we will fix for those splurge dinners and dessert. Like, for Father's Day tomorrow, I let him pick anything. And, for Christmas, I will always tell him exactly what kind of chocolate I want and how much and make it clear that if I said I want the half pound box of Godiva, do not think that getting me the two pound box is four times as good! LOL

[Saint Jude]

My husband is th Devil!

I'm not sure if my Hubby's really aware that he does it or not... but it seems that whenever I'm trying my hardest to be AF, or drink the least... that's when he decides to bring more home, or wants to go out & play pool @ the bar! I've seen it - time & time again.
He even came to visit me when I was in re-hab (in-patient treatment, for 21 days), with a 12 pack in his truck!:wow:

Makes ya wonder..what's going on in there...sometimes

[beatle]

My husband is th Devil!

Maybe he doesn't know just how serious you are about this. Maybe you should show him this thread and posts. It would ruin all my efforts if my spouse did that.

[MDBiker]

My husband is th Devil!

I don't think you can fix the E. I have done this myself with food and I don't think it is something I did on purpose, but none the less, I did it over and over. Maybe it is some subconscious protection, I don't know.
Bear

[southernbelle47]

My husband is th Devil!

I've noticed this also with my hubby.
He says that HE will not stop drinking beer or wine but if I need to...."then I can just quit"....
I think they have a fear that somehow if we stop.....then they may feel guilty if they keep drinking......so they sabotage our quiting....
Not sure if they really understand what they're doing, or just take the easy way for themselves...

Yucks!
Nancy

[bootcampbarbie]

My husband is th Devil!

hummm. that has to be seriously tough. my husband hides it or throws it down the sink. so no enabling there. i think reading things about enabling would be useful. losing a drinking buddy or having someone change may mean they will leave you. i know i read this great book on solutions i think it was called pathway or the solution and it talked about just that. the enabling partner and communication. it was purely around survival and not having the relationship be threatened. i remember a woman saying in that book that her hubby would bring home all these pastries to keep her fat so that he didn't have to deal with maybe losing her to other men. just interesting ways we don't communicate with each other our real pain and our real feelings and our real needs. all else is this mask that covers it all up. so you numb it and we don't have to discuss it. i know hubby and i are doing alot more communicating and my even explaining differences in how he's wired and i am and what i need and the support i need from him are making a difference. good luck and i'm sending you a cyber hug

[cassy]

My husband is th Devil!

Hi all...

I have laways drank with my hubby as well as anybodyelse that passed through my life!!
at first my hubby was supportive and listened. Then i went on and on and on about my booze problem until he gor a little tired of my "favourite subject". He did come on board with me and we both did 46 days AF over Feb and March for Lent along with anothe r friend who is also addicted!!
that was the turning point for all 3 of us...i realised after those days AF i needed to moderate which i have done with some success.

amazingly my hubby has also cut his intake dramatically and we both dont drink weekdays now.
sometimes one partner feels threatened by change or has to face their own demons.
also in relationships where alcohol is used a lot there are big fears to face each other without being under the influence of mind altering substances!!

I,ve been married 30 plus years and had to face the fact that i used alcohol pre any intimacy and felt fear about not being able to "hide behind the booze to loosen up!!(thats enough info on that subject)

I,m sure other people have had to face similar situations.i felt the shy lady for a while but now realise how beautiful it is to share intimacy sober!!!
I continue to have a few wines over the weekend and cant pretend i dont enjoy that BUT i still get scared i will slip back to the old daily drinking routine.

The saving grace is i check in here a lot as a reminder of what i am trying to achieve and to learn from you honest people.

So for now hubby is right on board with me and since feb/ March time when we got going on the Af and moderating life has been more peaceful between us..Thank God.

regards cassy

[buffy]

My husband is th Devil!

Thank you...you guys are so smart! I think that it is fear of change. He told me once that he didn't like change and he does have quite the routine down in most things. I may have to think about moderating instead of totally quiting. I like how some of you have made rules up, like no drinking on weekdays, no more than 3 etc....

[stollies1]

My husband is th Devil!

Hi Buffy,
If you want to stop drinking...you do it!Your last post here saying you were thinking you might have to do Mod's instead.....but thats for him not you.
It's the nice thing for everyone to suggest the less sinister side of your hubby's motives...but I think it's bloody manipulative.
In the opening post you mentioned that you drank most of the wine ,it would seems that he would be aware of this.I'm probably overstepping my bounds here not realy knowing your situation properly, but I have been in controlling relationships before and this reeks of it.Perhaps the next time he brings home the 2 bottles of wine you could ask him if its one for each of you...then you could open yours and pour it down the sink...maybe the message will sink in then.Getting this alcohol beast out of your life is extremely difficult and you need all the support you can get along the way.
You choose whats best for you Buffy and we'll all be here to support you...
Good luck
Victoria xxooxx

[Kitty]

My husband is th Devil!

Hi Buffy, I feel for you.

My bf is so hard to read sometimes. He knows my struggle and this week for example he called me up on his way home from work one night to ask if I would like any alcohol. Of course I said yes because I had his validation for doing so.

He drinks every night but can handle it, but the last few nights he has not brought any home (first time in nearly 2 years) I questioned him about it and he said he wanted to reduce his intake at home. I think he has come round a bit and has realised that his drinking habits influence mine. At the end of the day though I think we make our own choices, I really want to try af as much as I can, but I think it's hard for our partners as they feel like they are losing a drinking buddy.

Honey just do what's right for you.

Good luck!!

Kitty