W/c 17th June

[Mick]

Afternoon all...on phone so can't really do a lot. Just finished Julies dads garden. .took me about 4 hrs. Hope everyone is well..Pauly posted on the Fred of the 10th ..so she has started this fred Lav you OK . ?big shout to everyone

[porqoui]

Re: W/c 17th June

MAE ALL...and Happy Dad's Day!

Mick...4 hours on Father's Day, what a good son in law you are. LOL

Pauly...thought I'd move your post over to here. Hope you don't mind.

Mae everybody,Happy Father's day to the dads here woke up with a headache yuck! Lou and Kell are both sick poor things,I hope Romeo doesn't get it take hubs to breakfast here in a bit then I think just a kick back day of doing nothing,even tho the floor needs to be mopped,guineas cage needs to b cleaned and I need to go grocery shopping,ugh,not sure if Kells gonna go to work but if she does I'll watch the boys,jeez so much for a day off! Much love to all and wishes for a great BF Sunday!

A kick back day sounds ace to me. Sod the chores.

Lav...glad to hear the power outage was short lived. Hope the chick's survived their inaugural night!

Think I'll follow Pauly's lead and have a kick back day as well. Have a Super Sober Sunday all....:smile:PPQP

[treegirl]

Re: W/c 17th June

Hello dailies --

Jut to say hi and special hello to all the dad/ out there...

Pauly, hope you survived your day of!

Lav, new chicks! I am still getting used to the teenagers being in with the gear we-up girls... hope your day wa OK and not too filled with dad/kid duties.

Hello PQ, I hope that you did have a day off of chores!

Mick, nice work on that garden - 4 hours is a long stint!

Wishing all well for this Sunday evening.

[Lavande]

Re: W/c 17th June

Greetings all

Nice day here but WAY too hot!
No more power problems so the AC is keeping me happy. I bought the chickens a personal size watermelon today & sliced it up so that can have cool treats - they love watermelon.
No family here today but that's OK. I will be hosting the grandsons all day tomorrow like I did last Monday.
Happy Father's day to Mick & Sam!

Mick, nice of you to do the garden for the old fella! Do you think he will be able to take care of it by himself? I hope you had a little time to relax too

Pauly, summer viruses suck, yuck. I hope everyone feels better quickly.

PQ, I'm glad to report there were no dead bodies, no apparent wounds in the chicken house this morning, ha ha!!! The older ones are still pretty snarky with the younger ones but at least they're not drawing blood & feathers I hope your day was good!

Have a peaceful night everyone!

Lav

[Mick]

Re: W/c 17th June

good morning sall..how are we all today then? hopefully all is well...let the rabbits out this morning first thing ,and I saw Jeeves sitting there ..Panda the lookout not far from him...I went out,and guess what ...he had chewed through and electrical wire ,!and the outer cover...sitting looking pretty pleased with himself he had dug it out from a depth of about 6 inches ..now repaired now reburied with cement over it ..he will be getting a hammer to that next!not raining but not looking too promising ..
ok brew time ..

hiya Lav ,how are you then?hope all is well in aircon land ..me n the chickens would have been fighting for that melon...luv em..No I dont think Julies dad will even notice what I have done ,but hey ,,it looks tidy and neat ..In truth yes I did his garden ,but actually I did it for Julies mum ,in respect to her memory ,she liked gardening,and wouldve liked the garden kept tidy .I will keep it maintained ,So younare looking after the kids today ..then do have a nice time ...hope the cupboards are stocked up !

hiya treegirl..how are you today then ? hope all is well .

hiya ppqp..how are you ? did you have a lazy day yesterday then?hows the gardening doing?hope all is doing good ...most of my veg are doing pretty good.hows the boss shaping up ? he still abdicating ?more hats for you to wear?dont forget you time ..

hiya pauly how are you then?how are lou and kell,? are they feeling better today then?hope so..have a lovely day

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on, eat it all up or ... I'll have to give it to this nice man here".

Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here".

A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out, "Come on, kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago"!!!

Little Johnny was practising the violin in the living room, while his father was reading the football results.

Pluto, the family dog was there as well and was howling at the violin screeching sounds.

Little Johnny's father listened to Pluto and the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, threw his newspaper on the floor and shouted, "For crying out loud's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know"?

A college pizza delivery guy arrived at Harry's house. He knocked on the door and Harry answered.

After taking the pizza, Harry asked: "What is the usual tip"?

"Well", replied the delivery guy, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great".

"Is that so" snorted Harry? "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars".

"Thanks", replied the delivery guy, "I'll put this towards my college fund".

"What are you studying in college" asked Harry?

The delivery guy smiled and said: "Psychology".

I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth snake with a frog in his mouth.

Frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

It was that snake, with two more frogs...

Allegedly sentences actually typed by Glaswegian medical secretaries

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

Healthy appearing 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.


I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ‘Smith’, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

[paulywogg]

Re: W/c 17th June

Mae everybody,yup Mick bunnies chew through everything! The breastfeeding joke cracked me up Kell went to work for a bit but came home early,Lou was fine when he was over here but later in the evening he didn't want to eat and felt lethargic again poor kid,the kids called hubs throughout the day to wish him a happy Father's day so that was good at least,much love to all and wishes for a great bf Monday

[porqoui]

Re: W/c 17th June

MAE ALL...

Lav...glad to hear there was peace in the hen house. Will that wear off or will the older ones always want to throw their weight around. Glad your power stayed on it might have been an uncomfortable night.

Mick...I can just picture Jeeves sitting there. LOL Yup, had a lazy day yesterday and work was pretty quiet today. We got the new irrigation system installed in the garden today. The gardeners will be happy. Was in and out taking pictures of the install and business owners and do you think I remembered to take a pic of my garden? Nope. Will do that first thing in the morning.

Pauly...now I gotta go back and find the breastfeeding joke, must have missed that one. Sounds like Kell and Lou aren't quite over the bug yet. I don't even know if the boys talked to their Dad yesterday and quite frankly wouldn't mind if they didn't. He doesn't deserve to be called Dad let alone celebrated.

It's frozen pizza for dinner tonight, just don't feel like cooking. Even picked up a spinach one just for me. Have a restful evening all....:smile:PPQP

[Lavande]

Re: W/c 17th June

Greetings friend,

The boys were here until 7:15 pm, long day but it was fine. We mostly stayed inside due to this heat, ugh! Fortunately I had plenty of food on hand, ha ha!!

Mick, so Jeeves is a part time excavator? Wow, you could hire him out on weekends or something
I think it's nice that you will maintain the garden for Julie's Dad. You never know but it may help him retrieve some good memories.

Pauly, it takes at least 3 days to clear a virus so your kids should start feeling a lot better soon.

PQ, I hope the older hens settle the hell down eventually. At least they aren't as nasty as some I've had in the past. They were serious feather pulling, biters. They can be mean girls, LOL
I hope your pizza was delicious

Hello to the rest of the group & wising a nice night for all.
Lav

[Mick]

Re: W/c 17th June

good morning all ...how are we today then? all good hopefully ...well back to sunshine here again ,tho for how long I dont know...little bit of a twinge in the back so better take it easy...lovely day to get some bitz and pieces done in the garden ..I left my courgettes in the greenhouse ,and they have just gone mad ..hopefully the same will apply to thetomatoes ..quite a few big ones on the plants at the moment so fingers crossed
ok so lets have a brew then ....

hiya Lav ,so kids stayed till 7.15..eh ...and when they were gone the cupboards werebare!yep know that feeling well ..Amy has a habit of the very same...she starts back at her old job on 10th of July ..dont know if I told you ,but on hr interview ,apparently her answers were so in depth that they were way above requirement ...so much so that when she goes back they have already approached her to coach her up to sister ..dont know if you had those grades ...nurse ,sister matron..at the mo she is a senior midwife (nurse)..She is also all loved up with the new boyfriend ....havent met him ..he works away in London ,as a quantity surveyor ..they have just come back from Switzerland ,and going to Abu Dhabi...his friend manages Formula 1 racing out there.. anyway enough woffle ..Yes Jeeves is ace ..you just see the wee wheels ticking in that head! gald the hen hoose is calm..di you whisper ...the Amish farmer " to them?????

hiya ppqp..hows you then? all well in canadia?no pics ? and yet you managed to take pics of pipes with holes in them?? I thought you had written irritation system until I re read it!!hows everything else with you ? ok I hope...

hi pauly howsyoo doing? good I hope ?how are the kidz today ? any better ...? hope so ...

ok big shout to everyone else..


A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him "How does that feel?"

He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

Things that Are Difficult to Say when You're Drunk:


a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:

a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.


Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn as she opens the window and shouts at the top of her lugs, "Oi asshole get the hell off our f*ing car!"

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.

A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

You Know You're Living in 2018 When...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally do "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. Your CV is on a disk in your pocket.
11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.
13. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
16. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
18. Your boss gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, but you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".

AND THE CLINCHERS ARE...
22. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
23. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends"
24. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you any more, except to send you jokes from the net.
25. You are too busy to notice there was no No 9
26. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No.9

A depressed young woman from Newcastle was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Tyne. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears and took pity on her.

"Look, you've got a lot to live for," he said. "I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you can keep me happy."

The girl agreed - what did she have to lose.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later during a routine search, the captain discovered her. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to America, and he's feeding me," she said.

"What are you doing for him?" enquired the captain.

"He's screwing me,' said the girl.

"He certainly is,' replied the captain. "This is the North Shields ferry."

This is classic - a story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read, "And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused then asked the class: "And what do you think the man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly "I think the man would have said: "Well, fck me! A talking pig!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[treegirl]

Re: W/c 17th June

Hello everyone -

Sending a little cool breeze your way for a lovely Summer day --

Thanks for the jokes, Mick you are a wealth!

Take care all --

[Samstone]

Re: W/c 17th June

morning all, going be anudder hot one. Enjoyed the nun joke, Mick. how's going Treegirl? I'm in need of that cool breeze.
hay all moved, now got to string a little hot wire around it to keep the four legged maulers away from it. Lav, chickens seem to be hot, going through the water.
waves to everyone.

off to sweat land,
later....

[paulywogg]

Re: W/c 17th June

Mae everybody,just a quick bueno from me,,hurt my back at work yesterday changing the water jug I just pulled and twisted too fast and the wrong way,so I'm sore and groggy this morning,much love to all and wishes for a great BF Tuesday!

[Mick]

Re: W/c 17th June

welcome to the back gang !!!!!

[Lavande]

Re: W/c 17th June

Greetings Abbers & talking pigs, haha!!!

Mick, sounds like Amy doing quite well, good for her! I have heard of those nurse designations over your way but nothing really like that here. Those of us with experience get pushed into 'Charge nurse" or "Nurse manager" positions. That glory comes with an extra few cents/hour, LOL
I hope you are taking care of your back or I'll get someone to lasso you to a chair buddy

Hi there Sam, yep it's still way too hot for me & my feathered friends. They are enjoying their chilled/frozen watermelon slices though.

Pauly, oh no, - your back? Not good, no way. Take it easy & let it heal.

Hello to PQ (who I seem to have beat here today), Pie, SK, Cyn & everyone!

I now have my dog on three medicines for the time being. Her lab work showed a few different concerns, oh boy. I'll keep my fingers crossed for her.

Wishing everyone a nice night!

Lav

[porqoui]

Re: W/c 17th June

MAE ALL...

Lav...the best part about the pizza was all I had to do was pop it in the oven. LOL So were you kidless today? Time to restock? Saw your little green light on and figured you'd post before me so I've been waiting for you. And I even left work an hour early! I'll keep my fingers crossed for your dog as well.

Mick...Wow, Amy sure aced that interview, sounds like she's going to go places. Switzerland, Abu Dhabi, just names on a map to me. LOL When do you get to meet the new boyfriend? You be careful with your back, you don't need to be going through that again, especially just before your big wall walk. So look what I did this morning....yup, got the pics taken. The two show the length of my garden plot. Tomato plants still have flowers on them, we're so far behind you. Also planted lettuce, radishes, beats, beans, carrots, spinach, onions and courgettes which haven't even appeared yet.

g1.jpg g2.jpg

Tgirl...thanks for the breeze it was greatly appreciated today. We're in a bit of a heat wave right now.

Sam...glad you got the hay all moved. Were you off veying today?

Pauly...ouch! Sounds just like what Mick did with that twisting. Hope you survived your day.

Hamburgers on the BBQ tonight so have to go check if I need to fill up the propane tank. Have a restful, healing night all....:smile:PPQP