Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

[hablur]

Well... here I sit, 12 years later... certainly not as healthy as 12 years ago, probably a little wiser, but to this day I drink daily.

My life has certainly changed significantly. At the time I left, I did so because my wife's bi-polar had her in and out of the hospital, my office closed and all of us were given 2 weeks pay, moved to a different state and had a decent job... Wife died Feb 13th, 2015 from pancreatic cancer, 5 days after my son's 10th birthday. I sure miss my love... I have no desire to find another. Move far away to the best job I have ever had. Nearly at the top of the company, yet here I sit... still drinking.

What gets me is that I have everything... a terrific job, a great kid (let's face it a 14 year old is always a challenge), my Mom helps out with the home and my son (she wants for nothing and has her own MIL appt where all things are paid for her, I am literally one spot away from the top, I have more toys than I know what to do with, and yet here I sit every night drinking. I am never late for work, hungover, call in because of too much... I have worked on extremely difficult projects working 12 -18 hours 7 days a week for 3 months at a time, yet every night I have a beer and about 8 oz of whisky. The same everyday.

My health is taking a hit because of it. I need to lower my drinking. I need to be able to get to sleep without having one drink. In fact, that is the hardest thing for me... Alcohol is a crutch for me to get to sleep. I can't fall asleep without being buzzed because my mind can't shut down. I am more afraid of not drinking so I can sleep than being afraid of the damage done to the rest of my body, which isn't getting any younger.

I am not sure if I am asking anything, just re-establishing myself on the boards to see if I can do something to help myself out.

Any thoughts are welcome.

[Guitarista]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Welcome back Hablur.

Sorry for the loss of your wife.

Sounds like you've got lot's to live for and a full life with exciting times ahead. Have you tried any sleeping tablets or natural sleep aids like valerian etc? I'm lucky in that i sleep ok. But i reckon if i had a job involving such long hours, it'd be hard to switch off. I'm sure you know that mixing sleeping pills and booze can be dangerous if you ever take that route.

There are many folks here who have struggled or struggle with sleep, so no doubt you'll get some useful ideas here soon enough.

take care friend.

[available]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Hi Hablur and welcome back.

I am not a good sleeper but have found now that exercise is helping. I know when i first gave up drinking that my sleep was horrendous but i accepted that i was putting the poison in my body (alcohol) so i had to let myself heal. Alcohol does not help you sleep, maybe at first but i never had a good nights sleep when i drank.

Is it just a habit/excuse to drink in saying you cant sleep without a drink? As G says try something natural and see how that goes.

I used to take Melatonin which is a non addictive sleeping tablet and that seemed to get me off to sleep on a low dose. We can only keep trying and find something that works for us.

Stick around and join in some of the threads on the board, everyone will give some great advice. For me the answer is to stop drinking, you will never ever regret that.

take care

[satz123]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

It is a trap we fall into thinking the difficulty sleeping will go away if we drink. The opposite is true. It interferes with our sleep patterns.
If sleep is the issue - get sleeping meds and get a few sober nights under your belt.

One beer & a shot of whiskey is the most you drink ? Doesn't seem enough to be a problem ?

[hablur]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

It is a trap we fall into thinking the difficulty sleeping will go away if we drink. The opposite is true. It interferes with our sleep patterns.
If sleep is the issue - get sleeping meds and get a few sober nights under your belt.

One beer & a shot of whiskey is the most you drink ? Doesn't seem enough to be a problem ?

Wow, I wish it was one beer and a shot. It's actually a beer and 8 oz... a full cup.

[hablur]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

I appreciate all the kind words and will be sticking around.

Like I said, I know that the drinking to sleep is a crutch. It's my little lie I get to tell myself. Haven't we all been there? I will be completely honest though that I have never been able to take anything naturally to sleep, nor can I take sleeping pills because I can't wake up. I am one of these people that simply can't shut my brain off. If I wake up for any reason, its off to the races in my head. Funny thing is that it can be a time when I solve serious work issues.

Now I want to ask a serious question about meditation... I haven't been able to do self meditation, but has anyone tried getting taught by a professional? Any ideas about that?

I also went to the Doc today and we came up with a fitness and healthy eating plan. On Monday I plan on executing it, along with training myself to taper back to no beer week one, then one oz. whisky less each week, or maybe just trying to see what one day is like without alcohol. I don't know why it's so hard to do that one thing when I never drink out, I never drink before 7:30, and I never get loaded. In fact the last time I got loaded, so did all my family, the night my wife died in hospice.

[satz123]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Hi again Hablur
Sorry to labour a point - but how is such a small amount of alcohol affecting your life ?
Why do you feel the need to stop it ? Is it infringing on family or work life ?

Is your son at THAT age where he is commenting on it ?

[Slo]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Welcome, hablur!
Happy birthday, Satz!

He’s having one beer and like 5 shots of whiskey a night, which is kind of a lot to drink every single day, day in & day out. Well not for our kind, but certainly above recommended levels of daily drinking.

[satz123]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Happy birthday, Satz!

He’s having one beer and like 5 shots of whiskey a night, which is kind of a lot to drink every single day, day in & day out. Well not for our kind, but certainly above recommended levels of daily drinking.

Hey Slo ::checkin:
I'm afraid Hablur may be 'one of our kind if' he is on a forum for alcoholics non? :smile:
In the scheme of things & compared to others it's very little.
And we know alcoholism is progressive ?
12 years later if Halbur is not progressing then there is no huge problem is there ? He's not an addict ..... he can stop ?

Apologies Halbur :hug: for talking about you on your thread !

[Slo]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Yup, he’s one of us. (Hi, hablur!) That amount daily could still take a toll on him long term; on his pancreas, liver, etc.
If he had just a beer and a shot (1.5 ounces, or 45 ml) per day, then no big deal, but if his “shot” of whiskey is a glassful, then I can see why he’s concerned.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Hello There!
Normal drinkers don't obsess about alcohol like we do. They go weeks or months without and don't even register it. They can take it or leave it when it is offered. It can be stored in their pantry or bar for years and they don't 'long stare' it every night. Or morning. Sometimes it goes off and has to be tipped out. Lucky bastards.
That's not us and it never will be now. Your alcohol intake is a problem for you, hablur, so it's a problem. Also, it will escalate if you are anything like the rest of us.

Sounds like you have a demanding job which may not be helping. Losing a partner - I can't even begin to understand how horrendous that would be. You've been through a lot.

As I was reading your post it struck me that a night time routine, meditation as you say, might be a help. We can indeed be taught to meditate. Your local yoga or Buddhist centre may be a starting point to source that. I always found that the type of meditation that can be done in any situation is handy. Open eyed meditation or a short meditation to get you back to sleep, that you can do as soon as you wake up while lying there, might work? I usually find that it takes about 3 days of abstinence for sleep patterns to improve but this is widely variable among people.

I hope you'll stick around and let us know how you go.

[satz123]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Also, it will escalate if you are anything like the rest of us.

That's my point Bridget how come it hasn't escalated like the rest of us in 12 years ?
Halibur : I'm not judging, far from it, but are you being economical with the truth about the amount you drink? I know I was & I am living with an alcoholic son now.


If so don't worry - we've all done that but 'honesty is the cornerstone of recovery'. ( not sure who said that - someone more knowledgeable than me for sure )
Anyway let us know how things are going ........

[Rusty]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Yup, AL is progressive. It progressed faster than I knew was happening and bit me in the butt.

[MENTION=2490]hablur[/MENTION]...keep posting....this is a wonderful site for support!

Hi to [MENTION=9094]satz123[/MENTION] and [MENTION=19596]Slo[/MENTION]!

[Pavati]

Re: Returned to help heal myself... last on in 2007

Welcome!

I think it sounds like a habit - and habits can be broken. I like your idea of working with a doctor to taper.

Meditation is hard, for sure, but learnable. There is an app called HeadSpace (I'm sure there are many others) that teaches you as you go through the meditations, and there are thousands of YouTube sites and videos. A meditation center is also good.

My sleep actually got better when I quit - eventually. Maybe you can time your quit with a vacation so sleep doesn't matter as much at first. After I broke my habit, I sleep more deeply and through the night now.

Also, as your son is getting into the teen years, being sober, alert, and able to drive will be important. Maybe that will give you the kick in the butt you need?

Pav