hi all ..just back from detecting ...found 8 Roman Bronze coins ,,and a lovely silver denarius..its in really good nick portrait of Julia Domna ,the wife of Septimus Severus ad 187-211..so its about 1800 years old .
Lav yes Ill send you pics somehow
ppqp ...hope you are ok :hug:
Hiya Pauly you ok?
I'm in my forties now, but I'm proud to say I haven't lost my looks.
I always was a right ugly fcker.
I dialled a number from prison today and said, "Hello. Could you ask the judge to change his verdict from guilty to not guilty?"
The bloke on the line said, "And how am I supposed to do that?"
I said, "It says here that if I phoned this number you can reverse the charges!!!"
My son was on a School Trip to the House of Lords and brought me back a souvenir fridge magnet. It said..
"You Don't Have To Be Lazy To Work Here, But It Helps"
"Gemma Collins blames car crash on the full moon after reversing into a plant pot"
I half agree with that: pot certainly had something to do with it.
The Regular Customer
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina."
"Really?" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death.
2. Taxes.
3. Being screwed by a lawyer.
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed.
First he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds.
When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes."
Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse."
The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?"
"Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when suddenly she had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later, a gentleman got on the elevator.
He began to sniff...
The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something"?
"Well, yes I do", he replied.
"What does it smell like"?
The bemused gentleman answered, "I'm not sure, but it kinda smells like someone sh.t in a pine tree".
A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.
Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped. The farmer looked very pleased. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine"!
"Wow," said Banker Bill, "what did the vet do to that bull"?
"Just gave him some pills", replied the farmer.
"What kind of pills" asked Banker Bill?
"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint".
Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.
Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.
The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Little Johnny, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So, Little Johnny and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Little Johnny, "Well, did you find it"?
Little Johnny is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards".
Lav yes Ill send you pics somehow
ppqp ...hope you are ok :hug:
Hiya Pauly you ok?
I'm in my forties now, but I'm proud to say I haven't lost my looks.
I always was a right ugly fcker.
I dialled a number from prison today and said, "Hello. Could you ask the judge to change his verdict from guilty to not guilty?"
The bloke on the line said, "And how am I supposed to do that?"
I said, "It says here that if I phoned this number you can reverse the charges!!!"
My son was on a School Trip to the House of Lords and brought me back a souvenir fridge magnet. It said..
"You Don't Have To Be Lazy To Work Here, But It Helps"
"Gemma Collins blames car crash on the full moon after reversing into a plant pot"
I half agree with that: pot certainly had something to do with it.
The Regular Customer
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina."
"Really?" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death.
2. Taxes.
3. Being screwed by a lawyer.
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed.
First he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds.
When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes."
Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse."
The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?"
"Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when suddenly she had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later, a gentleman got on the elevator.
He began to sniff...
The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something"?
"Well, yes I do", he replied.
"What does it smell like"?
The bemused gentleman answered, "I'm not sure, but it kinda smells like someone sh.t in a pine tree".
A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
Banker Bill suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.
Next week, Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped. The farmer looked very pleased. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine"!
"Wow," said Banker Bill, "what did the vet do to that bull"?
"Just gave him some pills", replied the farmer.
"What kind of pills" asked Banker Bill?
"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint".
Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.
Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.
The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Little Johnny, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.
So, Little Johnny and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Little Johnny, "Well, did you find it"?
Little Johnny is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards".
Sam, turning the old farmhouse into a wedding venue sounds cool,that's all the rage now I see it alot on TV,Lav, maybe the driver was just an old man who shouldn't be driving anymore,happens alot waves to everyone and have a great BF Monday!
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