I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

[DriftyAlison0]

I messed up big time and blew my quit. Now I am back at day 1. Should have stayed here. I am so tired of feeling like I am done drinking and 2-3 days later I change and I plan for the next time. I am tired of not sleeping well due to the al (even though I did it 1 time every other weekend) and I am tired of the regrets. I am pledging now to remain sober and gain back the lost time. I was so ashamed that I did not want to admit here that I have failed yet again for a long while but those days are gone. I can not stop at just 1. I got to remind myself when I want to drink on why I do not drink anymore and to go here.

I will miss the karaoke nights but until I feel that I can go out and not drink at all, not going to chance it.

If I did it once, I can do it again. ODAAT and no more Alcohol for me. I am sorry that I have let everyone down.

A part of me wants to wait to post this tomorrow. I always feel like I do not want to drink anymore the day after but I know the AL will sneak back up and if I do not work on it now and change my mindset then I will be drunk again in 2 weeks time and I repeat the cycle.

[Lavande]

Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

Welcome back Alison, this is where you need to be as you well know!
I’m sorry you drank again but you can make this new quit forever - if you choose to do so. Of course you’re tired of flip flopping back & forth. It’s something we all have done to some extent so you’re notthe only one.
Make yourself a good plan, drop in the Newbies nest for a while until you get your bearings.
You owe yourself a good life, you can do this!!!!

Best wishes on your sober journey!

Lav

[abcowboy]

You can do this Alison, I know you can! It's going to mean giving up some things you like to do, but your sobriety has to be more important than anything else in your life right now!

[Pavati]

Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

Welcome back, Alison!

No regrets or thoughts of disappointing others. You are where you are - move forward from here.

My last weekend drinking was TERRIBLE. I never, never want to go back there again. If I even consider drinking I can conjure that feeling any time and it is a good deterrent. I also keep a list of all that I have gained from not drinking. It is a LONG list.

Take care of yourself and I'm glad you're back!

Pav

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

Thanks everyone. I was so afraid of the responses. I dunno why. I feel so relieved now and I can now heal and move on. AL will never control me again.

I know that the next few weekends are going to be tough. I am so used to going out every other weekend. Some may think that my drinking was not that bad, but to me when I was not drinking I would look up beer pics and would get so excited for it. Just to drink and spend the next day swearing it off just to have it happen all over the next weekend where I start to get excited all over again. I will avoid going out until I am dead sure that I can go without drinking and if I do not feel safe about it, then I will stay at home.

[Guitarista]

Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

Good to see u Drifty!

Go for it mi amiga.

[available]

Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

Welcome back Alison, I remember those days of swearing to never drink again and then hitting the repeat button the next day around 5.15pm. You can do this, keep checking in and being accountable, we have your back.

[Byrdlady]

Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

You are among friends here and people who understand the pull of addiction. One day at a time, indeed. You got this. Byrdie

[scotskev81]

Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

I messed up big time and blew my quit. Now I am back at day 1. Should have stayed here. I am so tired of feeling like I am done drinking and 2-3 days later I change and I plan for the next time. I am tired of not sleeping well due to the al (even though I did it 1 time every other weekend) and I am tired of the regrets. I am pledging now to remain sober and gain back the lost time. I was so ashamed that I did not want to admit here that I have failed yet again for a long while but those days are gone. I can not stop at just 1. I got to remind myself when I want to drink on why I do not drink anymore and to go here.

I will miss the karaoke nights but until I feel that I can go out and not drink at all, not going to chance it.

If I did it once, I can do it again. ODAAT and no more Alcohol for me. I am sorry that I have let everyone down.

A part of me wants to wait to post this tomorrow. I always feel like I do not want to drink anymore the day after but I know the AL will sneak back up and if I do not work on it now and change my mindset then I will be drunk again in 2 weeks time and I repeat the cycle.

Sorry to hear that. how many days did had you quit for before this drink?

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: I feel so ashamed but I can and will do this! I got to do this for me

When I blew this quit I think that I had 5-7 months. It was awhile ago so I can't remember the full date. I was so disappointed in myself that it took 2 years to get sick of drinking and disappointing my family and doing stupid stuff drunk to get my stuff in order. Never again.

I am doing this for me and my family but mainly for me. I miss the 7 years where I loved to be sober. I want to be sober. Being drunk leads to being sick the next day and I am done making an ass out of myself.