hello everyone how are we today? hope all is well with everyone.Very foggy over here today at the moment cleaning up the garage ...yep boredom setting in!!iand yes the house is next to declutter ..hope everyone is doing ok ...keep smiling all
Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.
If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Funny Nicknames from Scotland
Some nicknames that have been given to some characters from Glasgow, Scotland by their workmates and friends:
*Two Soups*
- his real name is Campbell Baxter.
*Norrie Two Bonnets*
- the Glasgow taxi-driver who wears a wig under his cloth cap.
*The Colostomy*
- the girlfriend of a married man (i.e. the wee bag on the side).
*The Boomerang Kid*
- whenever anyone at work asks a question, he always replies: 'I'll get back to you on that. '
*The Parachute*
- lets everyone down at the last minute.
*Vaseline*
- his real name is Willie Burns.
*Rembrandt*
- loves saying to colleagues: 'Let me put you in the picture...'
*Bo Derek*
- a chap called Derek with terrible body odour.
*The Genie*
- magically appears whenever anyone opens a bottle.
*Dulux*
- his pals reckon he's only got one coat.
*Soapy*
- washes his hands of any problems that crop up..
*The Yeti*
- always on the sick. Many unconfirmed sightings of this guy, but nobody can prove he actually exists.
*The Gas Man*
- he's serviced loads of old boilers.
*The Hostage*
- when anyone asks for help he always replies: 'Sorry, my hands are tied.'
*The Olympic Flame*
- He never goes out.
And finally:
There was a stevedore at Ramsgate harbour whose mates called him "The Ailing Crab" -- He was always taking time off because one of his nippers was poorly.
The famous American statesman, William Penn had two old aunts, named Natalie and Ellie, who were well known for baking great pies.
But, alas they got greedy and raised the prices, up and up, until...
Soon all the people in Quakertown were complaining about "the pie rates of Penn's aunts".
Murphy the Roofer was working when suddenly he started shaking and feeling dizzy.
He calls down to Paddy the Hod-Carrier and says "I think I must go home, I've just come over all giddy and feel sick".
Paddy shouts up to Murphy on the roof "Have you got vertigo"?
Murphy replies, "No I only live round the corner".
Where do German farmers keep their tractors?
Auto barn
A hunter walking through the jungle was surprised to find a pigmy standing beside a very large dead lion. Amazed, he asked,'Did you kill that'?
The pigmy answered,'Yes'.
The hunter then asked,'How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that'?
Said the pigmy,'I killed it with my club'.
The astonished hunter asked,'How big is your club'?
The pigmy replied,'There's about 100 of us'.
Paddy O'Murphy's wife gave birth to twins and he demanded to know who the other man was...
A Neat Piece of Trivia.
(I bet you'll never look at the game the same way again!)
Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape...
Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.
Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush. Someone in MI-5 (similar to America 's OSS ) got the idea of printing escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.
At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was only too happy to do its bit for the war effort.
By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U.K. Licensee for the popular American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, 'games and pastimes' was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages', dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.
Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were located. When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.
As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at Waddington's also managed to add:
1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass
2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together
3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!
British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set -- by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.
Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.
The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honored in a public ceremony.
It's always nice when you can play that 'Get Out of Jail' Free' card!
When Canadian road workers found about 200 dead crows on the highway between Toronto and Hamilton, there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
So the government had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu, much to everyone's relief.
However, he was surprised that his detailed study determined that 98 percent of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, but only 2 percent were killed by car impact.
The Province then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the reason behind the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set up a lookout crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the lookout crow could warn "Cah", but he could not say "Truck".
Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.
If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Funny Nicknames from Scotland
Some nicknames that have been given to some characters from Glasgow, Scotland by their workmates and friends:
*Two Soups*
- his real name is Campbell Baxter.
*Norrie Two Bonnets*
- the Glasgow taxi-driver who wears a wig under his cloth cap.
*The Colostomy*
- the girlfriend of a married man (i.e. the wee bag on the side).
*The Boomerang Kid*
- whenever anyone at work asks a question, he always replies: 'I'll get back to you on that. '
*The Parachute*
- lets everyone down at the last minute.
*Vaseline*
- his real name is Willie Burns.
*Rembrandt*
- loves saying to colleagues: 'Let me put you in the picture...'
*Bo Derek*
- a chap called Derek with terrible body odour.
*The Genie*
- magically appears whenever anyone opens a bottle.
*Dulux*
- his pals reckon he's only got one coat.
*Soapy*
- washes his hands of any problems that crop up..
*The Yeti*
- always on the sick. Many unconfirmed sightings of this guy, but nobody can prove he actually exists.
*The Gas Man*
- he's serviced loads of old boilers.
*The Hostage*
- when anyone asks for help he always replies: 'Sorry, my hands are tied.'
*The Olympic Flame*
- He never goes out.
And finally:
There was a stevedore at Ramsgate harbour whose mates called him "The Ailing Crab" -- He was always taking time off because one of his nippers was poorly.
The famous American statesman, William Penn had two old aunts, named Natalie and Ellie, who were well known for baking great pies.
But, alas they got greedy and raised the prices, up and up, until...
Soon all the people in Quakertown were complaining about "the pie rates of Penn's aunts".
Murphy the Roofer was working when suddenly he started shaking and feeling dizzy.
He calls down to Paddy the Hod-Carrier and says "I think I must go home, I've just come over all giddy and feel sick".
Paddy shouts up to Murphy on the roof "Have you got vertigo"?
Murphy replies, "No I only live round the corner".
Where do German farmers keep their tractors?
Auto barn
A hunter walking through the jungle was surprised to find a pigmy standing beside a very large dead lion. Amazed, he asked,'Did you kill that'?
The pigmy answered,'Yes'.
The hunter then asked,'How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that'?
Said the pigmy,'I killed it with my club'.
The astonished hunter asked,'How big is your club'?
The pigmy replied,'There's about 100 of us'.
Paddy O'Murphy's wife gave birth to twins and he demanded to know who the other man was...
A Neat Piece of Trivia.
(I bet you'll never look at the game the same way again!)
Starting in 1941, an increasing number of British Airmen found themselves as the involuntary guests of the Third Reich, and the Crown was casting about for ways and means to facilitate their escape...
Now obviously, one of the most helpful aids to that end is a useful and accurate map, one showing not only where stuff was, but also showing the locations of 'safe houses' where a POW on-the-lam could go for food and shelter.
Paper maps had some real drawbacks -- they make a lot of noise when you open and fold them, they wear out rapidly, and if they get wet, they turn into mush. Someone in MI-5 (similar to America 's OSS ) got the idea of printing escape maps on silk. It's durable, can be scrunched-up into tiny wads, and unfolded as many times as needed, and makes no noise whatsoever.
At that time, there was only one manufacturer in Great Britain that had perfected the technology of printing on silk, and that was John Waddington, Ltd. When approached by the government, the firm was only too happy to do its bit for the war effort.
By pure coincidence, Waddington was also the U.K. Licensee for the popular American board game, Monopoly. As it happened, 'games and pastimes' was a category of item qualified for insertion into 'CARE packages', dispatched by the International Red Cross to prisoners of war.
Under the strictest of secrecy, in a securely guarded and inaccessible old workshop on the grounds of Waddington's, a group of sworn-to-secrecy employees began mass-producing escape maps, keyed to each region of Germany or Italy where Allied POW camps were located. When processed, these maps could be folded into such tiny dots that they would actually fit inside a Monopoly playing piece.
As long as they were at it, the clever workmen at Waddington's also managed to add:
1. A playing token, containing a small magnetic compass
2. A two-part metal file that could easily be screwed together
3. Useful amounts of genuine high-denomination German, Italian, and French currency, hidden within the piles of Monopoly money!
British and American air crews were advised, before taking off on their first mission, how to identify a 'rigged' Monopoly set -- by means of a tiny red dot, one cleverly rigged to look like an ordinary printing glitch, located in the corner of the Free Parking square.
Of the estimated 35,000 Allied POWS who successfully escaped, an estimated one-third were aided in their flight by the rigged Monopoly sets. Everyone who did so was sworn to secrecy indefinitely, since the British Government might want to use this highly successful ruse in still another, future war.
The story wasn't declassified until 2007, when the surviving craftsmen from Waddington's, as well as the firm itself, were finally honored in a public ceremony.
It's always nice when you can play that 'Get Out of Jail' Free' card!
When Canadian road workers found about 200 dead crows on the highway between Toronto and Hamilton, there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
So the government had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu, much to everyone's relief.
However, he was surprised that his detailed study determined that 98 percent of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, but only 2 percent were killed by car impact.
The Province then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the reason behind the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set up a lookout crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the lookout crow could warn "Cah", but he could not say "Truck".
Hopefully something else will come of this. 
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