24th

[Mick]

hiya all how are we today then ..just thought Id start the fred here ..Im making tea ...shepherds pie ..the shepherd aint happy but there you go ..hope all is well Tee gee did you get it all cleaned up ? take care yall .

Lockdown 3 is starting to affect me. I have just re-installed Windows XP, just to remind myself what the outdoors look like. The green grass, the blue sky. Outdoors mmmm

I think I have a bible fetish....

....I just came to that revelation.

As I got out of my car there was a notice that read 'Mon-Sat 8am-6:30pm 2 hours. No return within 2 hours.'

It's a sign of the times.

Diarrhoea Awareness week next week

Starts Monday, runs til Friday

*Flash sale*

Full length macs available in all sizes.

To be honest, at first I struggled to give up meat for Veganuary. The easiest way for me to do it was to go cold turkey

I lost my job as a tree surgeon after only a week for being, 'the most stupid and incompetent git I've ever had the misfortune to hire'.

Anyway, anybody want to buy a slightly used scalpel, bandage and small sewing kit?

Host: Which American President was known as Tricky Dickie?
Woman: (After thinking for a few seconds): Bill Clinton.

A parrot developed the bad habit of humping the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.

The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot greeted the guests and told them where to go. She had spent nearly a year training the parrot for this.

As the guests began entering, the parrot dutifully announced, "Ladies to the right! Gentlemen to the left!" Spotting two bald guys entering, the parrot says, "And you two chicken-humpers get up here with me."

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.

"But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'

"What's the fcking difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy" he asked?

"To make myself beautiful", said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up"?

David received a parrot for his birthday.

This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and anything else that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

David, frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness."

David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.

The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. WHOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 peices! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two...." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHH. A gust of wind filss the room, but the fly is still buzzing around.

The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"

And the Jewish samurai replies - "Look closer, that fly has been circumcised!"

[porqoui]

Re: 24th

MAE ALL...

Mick...thanks for the kick start. Shepard's pie sounds like a good choice for supper, thanks for the idea, now I don't have to think about it all day. LOL

Woke up to the whole area covered in hoar frost, so pretty. Our high today is our overnight low 5F so won't be venturing too far today.
Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday....:smile:PPQP

[treegirl]

Re: 24th

Mae all -

Thanks for the thread start-up, Mick. Love all the bird/chicken jokes! We need to know how Amy is doing... are the back pains any better? Hope so... sorry about no green in your life right now, cross fingers it will be soon...

PPQ - bundle up! Mmmmm shepherd's pie...

Hello to all else. Yes, Mick the floors and carpets are all clean, but waiting for a day warm enough to do a last brush-cleaning of the slipper bottoms... too cold now... why do they put so many tiny grooves on the bottom of slippers?

Doing my bit for my job tonight, so thought I would say hello early - wishing all well -

5 pm here and still a bit light out, hurrah...

[Lavande]

Re: 24th

Good evening friends,

Still cold here but not quite as windy but the windchill is still 12 degrees, haha! Way too cold to stay outside more than a few minutes. My chickens are acting like it’s a balmy day. I guess we should all be covered in feathers, haha! I made a small batch of sourdough donuts - just to test out the recipe, yum. I’ll definitely be making more & skip the powdered sugar & chocolate frosting like I did today. They are flavored with cinnamon & nutmeg, delicious.

Mick, shepherd’s pie sounds good!
I hope you weren’t planning any trips over here because a new travel ban goes into effect tomorrow. If you’re a non-US citizen coming from most of Europe & South Africa, you can’t get in. This is due to all the new variants popping up around the world. I hope Amy is feeling a bit better. Stay out of trouble now, haha!

Cyn, sorry about your rude awakening this morning, that stinks. I hear you about cleaning slippers. I sometimes forget & wear mine outside around the chicken house & yes they do get cruddy.
Sorry they are still working you so long & hard. I wonder what a ‘full time’ jobs entails, geez! Take good care of yourself!

Hello to PQ, Pauly, Det, Sam & Pie. Hope everyone is A-OK.

Have a nice night all!

Lav

[Mick]

Re: 24th

hiya all ...how are we today then?hope all is good today ...dry today ,though tomorrow is supposed to be..foggy,snow then rain..took all the broken fencing to the tip today ...there was actually a queue to get in to chuck yer rubbish out .Started the van up today ...started first time .Amy not too good today fever ,sore back and vomiting and headaches....

hiya lav...your doughnuts sound superb.Yes we have similar travel bans over here ..If you look at all the holiday stuff in uk for this year its all about "staycations "A lot of the campsites are already booked up for the whole year! We have got hopefully Christmas at Chatsworth house campsite we booked it in November ...there were 6 vacancies left.and its the same for most other places.The van we bought ,similar have already gone up in price by 8k!take care

hiya teegee how are you today then?hope all is well with you and your groovy slippers..Shepherds pie was lovely ...melted cheese in with spud ..let it brown up ..yum yum .


hiya ppqp how are you then today?your weather sounds pretty much like ours .Are you still working from home?

hiya pauly hope you are doing ok ?

take care all...

Large crystal ball for sale. Only £50, but you will haggle me down and buy it for £35.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave ’em there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?"

The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps. After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals—unscathed, as promised.

The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.

"Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd.

After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I’ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one
morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,
'"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel
answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and
stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I
know where to find my hearing aid."

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a
park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh
fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me
homemade soup for lunch, and my favourite brownies, and then makes love
to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he
makes me a gourmet meal with wine, and my favourite dessert and then
makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would
you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,
their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend
glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at
her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week **.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Kokey", died peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in, and then the trouble started.


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.

But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed
them, complaining that his work had been completed a whole
year ago, and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy, did we go around!! Just because I'm blonde
doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy
had told me last year: namely, that in one year the windows
would pay for themselves.

There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just
hung up... and I have not heard back.

Guess I won that stupid argument!

Things to Ponder
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a bathroom section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.. so if! the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways...

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12.! If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the ! driver's licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look fo! r them while they deliver the mail?

19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant.

The husband kept looking over at a nearby table where a lady sat in a drunken stupor.

The wife asks "I notice you've been watching that lady for some time now. Do you know her?

"Yes" he replies, "she's my ex-wife, and has been drinking like that since I left her seven years ago."

"That's unbelievable" the wife replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

The World Expert on European Wasps ...
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.

As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye.

"Just Released -New LP -Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant.

"If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.

"I don't understand it", he says,

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."

Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth.

Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."


"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant, I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."

[Lavande]

Re: 24th

Greetings friends,

Waiting on the snow/ice event due to start later. Ran out & did what I needed to do including getting my hair cut,
Nothing real exciting here except I made waffles for dinner, yum

Mick, love the self-paying windows joke, haha!
Glad you got your camp reservation in on time & I hope we can all begin to move around normally by next Christmas. Sorry to hear Amy is still dealing with the virus. Does she have anyone looking in on her? I have zero idea when we are going to be able to get the vaccine. All of the geniuses involved with getting the vaccine distributed seem to have messed up badly. It’s harsh keeping older folks standing in line for 3 hours or more. They could have managed this better.

Hello to PQ, Pauly, Cyn, Det, Sam, Pie & anyone else stopping by.
Lets all have a good night!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Re: 24th

Mae everybody, Mick sorry to hear Any is still so sick watched the video you sent of the cats watching tv it was hilarious! Lav, yep it's bungled up with that vaccine distribution from what I've been seeing/hearing, not much going on here, it's cold and it drains my energy, much love to all and wishes for a great BF day!

[porqoui]

Re: 24th

MAE ALL...

Pauly....it's going to be a cold one in vegas today. Stay warm.

Was one of those downer days yesterday. Tried to work off and on and finally gave up. So I've got some catching up to do. Have a good day all, I'll check in later....:smile:PPQP

[Mick]

Re: 24th

hiya all how are we today then? all good I hope glad I got everything done before it started .....raining ...yes raining here today ..supposed to snow too.Amy still not too good..she says it feels like someone is twisting her lower spine .
Did a bit more on the trains..Ive got 2 need repair.Speaking to a guy who is a whizz at electronics..I have sent a couple of locos down for him to sort out .if he is good then Im going to get him to put lights on my locos and the firebox ...plus a couple will have smoke boxes ..that means it will smoke when it runs

Marklin 72270 Smoke Installation in Marklin 39640 locomotive - YouTube

hiya ppqp ...how are you feeling today then? hope you are feeling better .We all go thru it ..you take care .

hiya teegee...glad you are all cleaned up now .take care and take it easy too...with your groovy slippers ..

hiya Lav how are you today then?hope all is well...did you get the haircut?save money get a No1 i will have grown by the time we are allowed out to play!Yes Amys b/f is there... oh and so are the apprentice tigers ..

hiya pauly ..you ok ? hope so ...yes its cold over here too...and foggy and raining ..apart from that all ticketty boo


short and sweet ..and this isnt a long post either.....

I walked up to the miserable old woman that lives at the end of my street.

I said, "What's your favourite type of sandwich?"

She said, "Probably cheese."

I said, "Cheese isn't a type of sand."

"I hear you split up with your wife."
"I did. Would you stay with someone who sat about in their bra and pants all day, drinking Gin and watching Loose Woman?"
"I sure wouldn't."
"Well, neither would she."

I think I had a really good time last night.

I'll let you know after I finish reading the police report.

Just bought a load of old railway buffers on eBay for a bargain price. It was an end of line sale.

I was walking out of the hospital when this scruffy looking scrote asked "any change, pal"

No, He's still in intensive care,but thanks for asking I replied.


I've just turned off the news and started watching a movie about serial killers..............To relax.

Just went on TripAdvisor.

It said watch out for that dodgy paving stone.


I went to pay for the work that the garage had done on my car today, the cashier asked, "Would you like to cover your parts?"

I said, "No thank you!"

She said, "You'll have to wait outside then, you're scaring the customers."

Bloke gets a dog and takes it for a walk for the first time in the country.
He throws a stick but much to his horror it lands in a nearby pond, the dog goes after the stick and trots above the water retrieves it without even getting it's paws wet.
The man is amazed and throws the stick again this time into the centre of the pond, again the dog fetches the stick again without getting wet at all.
He repeats the experiment and observes that the dog is so skillfully tip toeing on the suface of the water it doesn't actually break through.
About 10 minutes later another dog walker appears a surly Yorkshireman
He demonstrated his dog's amazing gravity defying abilities.
The Yorkshireman says "how much did you pay for that dog"
The owner replies "about £100 why?"
The Yorkshireman replies "well you've obviously been done, it can't fcking swim"

My neighbour had a female domestic worker in his home. I hadn't seen her in a while, so naturally I inquired...

"How's your housemaid?" I asked.

He thought for a second, then said, "With bricks and cement, like most others."

[treegirl]

Re: 24th

Mae all -

Lav, those donuts sound DELISH! Do you make your own starter? You were probably doing that we'll before the pandemic. I wish you could have the vaccine soon - seniors should have special dispensation. I also have heard that they are waiting outside for hours, or in their cars... not good.

Mick, I am so sorry about Amy, she seems to have a terrible case of the virus, poor thing. Does she have a way to watch her oxygen, besides the fever? Wishing her well and healing.

PPQ- hopefully your mood has lifted... I truly get it... sending good vibes.

Pauly, bundle up in your cold weather! It's the only way to stay warm... with our snow today, I had to move to a warmer, waterproof coat - it helped a lot. Thinking of you.

Det, I hope you have not encountered any harsh weather during your move - good luck!

Hello to Sam, Pie and all others...

Down to one storage unit! Of course the contents of the small one are here in this small house with me... I still have some paths left to get to the bathroom and the bedroom... ! Hopefully sooner rather than later I can start to go through this stuff. I succeeded in getting through entering all sorts of information into an online court document, whew. I have sent it to a lawyer to review, no sense submitting it if I have done something that's not exactly right. No sense making extra trips to Westchester County, NY.

Hope all are well, warm and dry,

To the light (whenever the snow ends...)

[Lavande]

Re: 24th

Good evening folks,

Our snow event was a non-event. The flurries were flying when I went to bed last night but woke up to rain this morning, oh well. It will snow eventually
Roasted everything in the oven for dinner, turkey tenderloins, local grown sweet potatoes, carrots & broccoli. Will have fun with the leftovers for sure. I need to get back to my workshop & get working on craft fair inventory, just in case we have craft fairs this year.

Pauly, I really feel sorry for the elders who have no car & travel by bus to their vaccination appointments only to get turned away. I am ashamed of the poor government rollout of this vaccine.
Biden ordered 200 million more doses today, the ones that tRump cancelled. He’s no longer in office & still pissing me off. Cold here too but I like it that way.
Meant to tell you I skipped my night time supplements Sunday night - guess how much I slept.......I figure is was about half a dozen 20 minute cat naps, LOL I did sleep better last night &took the supps.

Mick, that train repair looked like a delicate little surgery, quick & precise . It’s cool when the trains run & blow smoke.
Sorry Amy is still not well. I imagine she may have one new variants, they do cause back pain. Hope tomorrow is better for her.

Cyn, there’s 1 donut left whicj I will probably consume tonight, haha. They don’t have a ton of sugar but lots of flavor. My sourdough starter is celebrating it’s first birthday, I bought a package of starter last year from ‘Cultures for Health’ & have kept it going all this time. It lives in my fridge & I feed it once per week. I use their vegan yogurt starter too when I feel like making yogurt.
Living among packing boxes sounds familiar to me Take your time, no big rush!!

PQ, Glad you’re feeling better today. My mood has been on a sliding scale since Christmas so I’m just going with the flow. Like Cyn, I keep looking for the light, it helps :hug:

Hello to Det, Sam & Pie, hope all is well with all of you.

Have a nice night all!
Lav

[porqoui]

Re: 24th

Me again....

Had a much better day and got lots accomplished workwise. What a difference a day makes.

Mick...sorry Aimy is still suffering, hoping for a speedy recovery. She'll have to find some more "cat" videos to entertain her crew. I don't know if I could get my fingers into those little spaces on the locos, looks like intricate work to me. I remember running my first train, and HBO from the corner hobby shop. It went round and round LOL.

TG...good vibes received, felt much better today, thanks. One storage unit, that's good. I think you had a number of them spread out over the country. As long as you and Zander can get to where you need to there's no rush to get it all unpacked. I still have boxes in my living room. LOL Oh no...court documents! Ugh! Good job on getting it done. I'm sure I wasted 2 years of my life doing the work my lawyer should have been doing. I did learn a lot though.

Lav...OMG, 1 year birthday!! I can't believe you kept the starter going all that time. Living out in Duchess among a lot of Mennonites I was given a starter and had no idea what to do with it. LOL I like your dinner tonight, sounds yummy and the left overs will be great. I don't stress over my moods anymore, just go with the flow knowing it's ok to be down once in awhile. We've been so lucky with our weather this winter. Although it's bloody cold out there right now there's no major snow storms. This was the first day it was cloudy and overcast but it's supposed to be sunny tomorrow.

Det...I'm assuming you're in the middle of your moving, hope it's going ok.

Shout out to Sam and Pi.

My dinner plans are tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, boring but comforting. Hope we all have a restful night....:smile:PPQP

[paulywogg]

Re: 24th

Mae everybody, well Kells bfs mom tested negative yet they're all sick, even the boys, could just be a cold and I'm hoping it's just a cold! Lav, yep if I try to cut back my sleep stuff it's exactly like you described, little 20 minute, half awake naps, those are the worst, my moods been up and down too but like you and PQ I'm just trying to go with the flow, really just trying to get positive, Mick hope Amy feels better soon, poor girl much love to all and wishes for a great BF day for us all!

[Mick]

Re: 24th

Hello everyone how are we today then ? hope everyone is well. It is very cold over here today, I planted some spring bulbs in pots in the greenhouse to give them a bit of a chance before putting them outside. I have 4 pink hyacinths in the house and the smell is absolutely fantastic. Amy is a little better today, however still got a really bad back. Really impressed... I sent those trains down yesterday first class post they arrived with the guy this morning and he has already repaired them. He has sent me videos of The Repair so I know they are working, and is now fitting the lights and firebox lights that I want in them. I've been working on the trains again today, scratching my head but I've got some ideas with regards to adding bits to layout and changing the scenery. In addition to that, we are looking at redoing the bathroom which means taking the tiles up up and the flooring underneath laying a flat base and putting in cushion flooring. In addition to that I'm looking at putting some mural wall tiles into the bathroom wall where it is all clinically white... the subject has yet to be discussed we have seen some really nice ones. I'm really my own worst enemy I could easily just sit down and do nothing but my head doesn't work that way mores the pity! Both rabbits doing ok I was going to rebuild the indoor hutch in the garage for them, but last night's temperature was - 4 they had hot water bottles and did ok with them so again I think I'm causing work for nothing. Right that's me I'm off to make the tea tonight it is ...one pot creamy sun-dried tomatoes in chicken stew take care are look after yourself everyone

Russian biochemist who created NOVICHOK invents new drug to tackle Covid-19

It's administered in your cup of tea.

Our town is having its new IKEA store delivered today.

You’re fined £800.00 if your caught at a house party.
This is reduced to £400.00 for early payment.
If you catch Covid at the party, the government gives you £500.00 Track & Trace payment.
You do the math!
WTF?

‘China is using anal swabs to test the public for Coronavirus’

I guess they took it literally when someone told them to shove their test up their ass!

The Dutch police have found a way to disperse the rioting crowds in Holland.

They have realised if they throw smoke bombs away from the rioting area, the crowds automatically follow the smoke.

Before going away the neighbours gave me a spare key to feed their cat.

Seems pretty stupid to me, though. I wouldn't want him to get it stuck in his throat.

Give a scouser a fish, and he will eat for a day.

Teach a scouser how to fish, and he will will open your letter box and use the rod to nick your car keys

I wanted to study earthquakes when I grew up, but I was that bad with seismology I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

The Blind Pilots
Passengers on a small plane are waiting for the flight to leave.

They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them the pilots will be there soon, and the flight can take off.

The entrance opens, two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one blind pilot turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

With deep concern, Dick noted that his friend Conrad was far drunker than he'd ever seen him before. He walked over to the bar and asked, "What's the trouble, buddy?"

"It's a woman." replied Conrad. "What else?"

"Tell me about it," coaxed Dick.

"It's your wife."

"My wife? What about her?"

"Well, buddy boy, I'm afraid she's cheating on us."

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

Paddy has expired and at his wake...

The priest said "And no one will say his eulogy".

The priest becomes almost apoplectic. "Will no one say this man's eulogy? Will noone at least put forth the 'few appropriate words'"?

At last a neighbor stand up and goes to the podium, to say "His brother was worse"!

Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.

Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.

Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.

Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.

"Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"

"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.

"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

[porqoui]

Re: 24th

MAE ALL...

Pauly...oh for the days when it's just a cold. Hope that's the case and everyone gets better soon. I actually got a solid 6hrs sleep last night.

Mick...just reading your post exhausts me! I'm glad the train repair guy lived up to your expectations, bet you'll be glad to get those locos back. Especially if you're fixing up the scenery.

Woke up to light fluffy snow and it continued all day. Very pretty but lots of car accidents with the icy roads, glad I didn't have to go anywhere today. Boss back in the office today and first thing his sister called to say their Dad had passed this morning. At least he got a couple of weeks with him. For some reason been a bit teary eyed all day. Perhaps that just brought back memories.

Waves to Det, Sam, Pi and Lav

Have a good night all....:smile:PPQP