hello everyone ....and how are we today then?hope everyone is well ..a lovely day over here today again ,but just noticed ..the weather brings the nitwits out ...someone has lit the moors on fire ...absolutely stupid crazy and malicious .was playing in the garden this morning ..its small so I can do things in detail .but the fields at the back justgive me that extension of view .
hia ppqp ...how are you then? hope you are doing ok and just busy ?do you need some warm wevver ? take care ..
pauly pauly hows you then?hope you are good girl .interesting there was a letter published by the top scientists to our govt ..telling them to stop hyping it up ...the pandemic they reckon is now similar to the flu,due to the vaccines ..the vaccine has lowered hospitalisation by 98%..the uk rate today is 24.3 cases positive per 100000..you are right about opening up tho ...it still needs monitoring very carefully ...on a personal level ..you take care.
hiya teegee hows you then ?clear your mind of blames mistakes and what ifs ..que sera sera ...you have a massively positive attitude ,and also ..your outlook is similar..with what you have been through I would defy anyone to do what you have done sans fault..give yourself some time some real you time ..
hiya Lav ...hows you then ?high pollen count here today ,but its tree pollen which doesnt seem to affect me ..Il ove fuschias ,and when I lived near the coast I had massive success with them..I am now on the last series of 24 ......I have watched spooks also ...so if anyone can think or has seen something in a similar vein let me know..
hope you have a good weekend ....
big shout alldeuvvers
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food. And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming. One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow!! I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked brunette woman floating face up headed toward the island.
The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking the other guy had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked brunette woman, unconscious.
They went over to her and discovered she was alive.
One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time. Do you think we should, you know, screw her?"
The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what?"
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hel_l are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
A Pom, fresh off the plane at Sydney airport, is trying to negotiate Australian customs. Finally, when it's his turn to get his passport stamped, the customs officer starts rattling off the usual questions:
C.O. - How long do you intend to stay?
POM - 1 week.
C.O. - What is the nature of this trip?
POM - Business.
C.O. - Do you have any past criminal convictions?
POM - I didn't think we still needed them
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom:
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good, and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"
Silence.
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in coach shouted, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
Message Very Important Notice To All Employees
Company Policy: Effective from January 2021
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
NOW STOP WASTING YOUR TIME READING THIS AND GET BACK TO WORK!
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know!"
You Are No Longer 'cool' When...
1. You find yourself listening to talk radio.
2. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
3. The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
4. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
5. Your wife buys a flannel nighty and you find that sexy.
6. You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a
new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
7. You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-
inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Pink Floyd and
Black Sabbath.
8. You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of
grabbing beer and joining in.
9. You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you
have to work the next day.
10. When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
11. When jogging is something you do to your memory.
12. Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair.
13. Sex becomes: "All that foolishness."
14. Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
15. All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
16. You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a
corporation.
17. You bought your first car for the same price you paid
for your son's new running shoes.
18. You actually ASK for your father's advice.
19. You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
20. When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a
surf board.
hia ppqp ...how are you then? hope you are doing ok and just busy ?do you need some warm wevver ? take care ..
pauly pauly hows you then?hope you are good girl .interesting there was a letter published by the top scientists to our govt ..telling them to stop hyping it up ...the pandemic they reckon is now similar to the flu,due to the vaccines ..the vaccine has lowered hospitalisation by 98%..the uk rate today is 24.3 cases positive per 100000..you are right about opening up tho ...it still needs monitoring very carefully ...on a personal level ..you take care.
hiya teegee hows you then ?clear your mind of blames mistakes and what ifs ..que sera sera ...you have a massively positive attitude ,and also ..your outlook is similar..with what you have been through I would defy anyone to do what you have done sans fault..give yourself some time some real you time ..
hiya Lav ...hows you then ?high pollen count here today ,but its tree pollen which doesnt seem to affect me ..Il ove fuschias ,and when I lived near the coast I had massive success with them..I am now on the last series of 24 ......I have watched spooks also ...so if anyone can think or has seen something in a similar vein let me know..
hope you have a good weekend ....
big shout alldeuvvers
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food. And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming. One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow!! I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked brunette woman floating face up headed toward the island.
The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking the other guy had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked brunette woman, unconscious.
They went over to her and discovered she was alive.
One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time. Do you think we should, you know, screw her?"
The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked, "Out of what?"
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hel_l are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
A Pom, fresh off the plane at Sydney airport, is trying to negotiate Australian customs. Finally, when it's his turn to get his passport stamped, the customs officer starts rattling off the usual questions:
C.O. - How long do you intend to stay?
POM - 1 week.
C.O. - What is the nature of this trip?
POM - Business.
C.O. - Do you have any past criminal convictions?
POM - I didn't think we still needed them
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom:
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good, and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"
Silence.
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in coach shouted, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
Message Very Important Notice To All Employees
Company Policy: Effective from January 2021
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
NOW STOP WASTING YOUR TIME READING THIS AND GET BACK TO WORK!
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know!"
You Are No Longer 'cool' When...
1. You find yourself listening to talk radio.
2. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
3. The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
4. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
5. Your wife buys a flannel nighty and you find that sexy.
6. You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a
new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
7. You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-
inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Pink Floyd and
Black Sabbath.
8. You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of
grabbing beer and joining in.
9. You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you
have to work the next day.
10. When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
11. When jogging is something you do to your memory.
12. Rocking all night means dozing off in your rocking chair.
13. Sex becomes: "All that foolishness."
14. Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
15. All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
16. You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a
corporation.
17. You bought your first car for the same price you paid
for your son's new running shoes.
18. You actually ASK for your father's advice.
19. You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
20. When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a
surf board.
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