Hi there,
Friday is here again and I've been craving a drink all week but promised myself I would let myself go on Friday and Saturday night the same as last week. I know a lot of you will probably think I should cut it out completely but the thought of not drinking at all makes me want to head off to the nearest off-license. Before this I was drinking over half a bottle of vodka every night. I find it easier to stay off alcohol during the week, I don't even think about it until the danger time when I would normally have started drinking. This is usually between 7.00pm and 8.00pm when my young sons have gone to bed and it's 'me' time. A couple of the posts on here give me some inspiration with this suggesting finding a hobby or craft to do instead of drinking.
Before I started drinking, I used to spend all my spare time oil painting, making stained glass panels, lamps etc, reading and doing crosswords. These were once my means of escapism before alcohol took over. I havn't done any stained glass or oil painting since I had my first son, somehow the things I used to enjoy doing got lost in the responsibility of raising two babies and all the stress that involves. By the time my sons started pre-school I'd almost forgotten who I was and what I enjoyed doing. Suddenly finding that I had a bit of time for myself once again after more than 3 years of nothing but looking after children 24 hours a day came as a shock to the system. Instead of looking at my career options and my hobbies to fill the time I relapsed into alcohol and have been stuck there over the past 3 years steadily getting worse and worse.
When I reflect on this time, I think to myself "What a waste of life". I could have spent this time training at college for a career and have had a decent job by now. Instead I've spent the last 3 years drinking and nursing a hangover nearly every day. I missed the last two years of school through problems at home and so had no qualifications. I spent the next 15 years drifting from one dead end job to another in the meantime I gained 6 G.C.S.Es at nightschool. During this time I dreamed of training for a career but there was always something that stood in the way and then at 31 I had my first son.
Last week I filled in a form for voluntary work and am waiting to hear from them. Not drinking during the week makes my mind clearer and I decided this would be my best option as a starting point back into work. If I can get clear of this alcohol problem once and for all I would still like to go back to college and train in psychology. I have some training in art and design as I completed one year of a 3 year course at college but dropped out because I just couldn't stand some of the arty farty people there. I have always been interested in art therapy and dream of becoming a teacher in this. First, I need to find a job to fund this. I'm probably dreaming well above reality but then it's nice to have a dream.
Apart from my boys who I absolutely adore there is nothing happening in my life. My day consists of getting up at 7.30am, getting my sons ready and taking them to school and then spending the rest of the day doing boring chores in the house and watching mind-numbing day-time TV. At 3.00pm, I pick my sons up, we do some reading, my other half gets home from work, we have tea and a couple of hours later it's my boys bedtime. The rest of the night is spent watching more mind-numbing TV if I'm not drinking. My next plan of action is replacing this mind-numbing TV with my hobbies I mentioned earlier.
Well as for today, I just want to drink. I'm adjusting to not drinking from Sunday till Friday night for now and hopefully I will eventually phrase out this weekend drinking too.
Friday is here again and I've been craving a drink all week but promised myself I would let myself go on Friday and Saturday night the same as last week. I know a lot of you will probably think I should cut it out completely but the thought of not drinking at all makes me want to head off to the nearest off-license. Before this I was drinking over half a bottle of vodka every night. I find it easier to stay off alcohol during the week, I don't even think about it until the danger time when I would normally have started drinking. This is usually between 7.00pm and 8.00pm when my young sons have gone to bed and it's 'me' time. A couple of the posts on here give me some inspiration with this suggesting finding a hobby or craft to do instead of drinking.
Before I started drinking, I used to spend all my spare time oil painting, making stained glass panels, lamps etc, reading and doing crosswords. These were once my means of escapism before alcohol took over. I havn't done any stained glass or oil painting since I had my first son, somehow the things I used to enjoy doing got lost in the responsibility of raising two babies and all the stress that involves. By the time my sons started pre-school I'd almost forgotten who I was and what I enjoyed doing. Suddenly finding that I had a bit of time for myself once again after more than 3 years of nothing but looking after children 24 hours a day came as a shock to the system. Instead of looking at my career options and my hobbies to fill the time I relapsed into alcohol and have been stuck there over the past 3 years steadily getting worse and worse.
When I reflect on this time, I think to myself "What a waste of life". I could have spent this time training at college for a career and have had a decent job by now. Instead I've spent the last 3 years drinking and nursing a hangover nearly every day. I missed the last two years of school through problems at home and so had no qualifications. I spent the next 15 years drifting from one dead end job to another in the meantime I gained 6 G.C.S.Es at nightschool. During this time I dreamed of training for a career but there was always something that stood in the way and then at 31 I had my first son.
Last week I filled in a form for voluntary work and am waiting to hear from them. Not drinking during the week makes my mind clearer and I decided this would be my best option as a starting point back into work. If I can get clear of this alcohol problem once and for all I would still like to go back to college and train in psychology. I have some training in art and design as I completed one year of a 3 year course at college but dropped out because I just couldn't stand some of the arty farty people there. I have always been interested in art therapy and dream of becoming a teacher in this. First, I need to find a job to fund this. I'm probably dreaming well above reality but then it's nice to have a dream.
Apart from my boys who I absolutely adore there is nothing happening in my life. My day consists of getting up at 7.30am, getting my sons ready and taking them to school and then spending the rest of the day doing boring chores in the house and watching mind-numbing day-time TV. At 3.00pm, I pick my sons up, we do some reading, my other half gets home from work, we have tea and a couple of hours later it's my boys bedtime. The rest of the night is spent watching more mind-numbing TV if I'm not drinking. My next plan of action is replacing this mind-numbing TV with my hobbies I mentioned earlier.
Well as for today, I just want to drink. I'm adjusting to not drinking from Sunday till Friday night for now and hopefully I will eventually phrase out this weekend drinking too.
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