It's my turn

[4theboyz]

Re: It's my turn

Balance

Sometimes a meme inspires me sometimes it's you guys inspire me to write something today is both. To struggle at this recovery business is a given and if there is one thing I know I struggled with and I see so many struggle with and essentially not realize it is how much of our struggle is because we fail to achieve balance.

This real struggle is the balance between struggle and rest. We are so desperate for relief that we face the pain and boredom as our struggle and assume that recovery is all struggle. In fact it's just the opposite. We numbed our struggles with alcohol and now our job needs to be to remove this "struggle" from our day so we can have more time to rest and find this elusive balance in our lives.

To do this we must put everything in our lives that contributes to our struggle both the mental and physical struggles we face and feel up on the chopping block. Not everything we struggle with is alcohol related but they add to the struggle of our day none the less and we simply must ask the question does this struggle serve me in my new sober life??

Many of these struggles are all up in our head. We may see chores as inconveniences and we struggle to get them done. Instead look at them as steppingstones on your way to a fabulous sober day. When we change how we see these things we struggle with as simply part of life and things we just do and if we go even one step further is we do these things with gusto and purpose we can maybe even enjoy doing them *because* we know once we do them we will then have less to do and more opportunity to more fun sober things with our time and the best part is we feel less stressed, less anxious and more relaxed.

Life is full of struggles and many really are struggles we have to face but we don’t have to let ourselves feel put out or need a drink because of them. Once you accept the struggle part of life you feel less obligated to feel stressed about things. Now we can focus on what is really important and that is feeling good about the progress we are making in this sober journey we are on.

See what struggles you can remove from your day so you can find that elusive balance between effort and rest so we have a fabulous sober day today!

#Struggle #Relax #dailysobercheckin

[Mulburry]

Re: It's my turn

This is a great post. So much of society is focused on being more, doing more, going, doing, achieving etc. While there is so little emphasis de-obligating, de-stressing, relaxing... things that I agree are immensely important to recovery (and to life in general). In fact, it's easy to be seen by society (and by yourself) as a failure / loser if you start tending in that direction. At some point, you just have to take a stand and say no, that's not for me, I have to do what's best for my own health and metal health.

[4theboyz]

Re: It's my turn

Day 1,345 sober and I find it harder and harder to include the word "sober" as alcohol has not crossed my lips in 1,345 days and I have not had a real craving for alcohol in over 2 years so anything I go through today is all on life and the choices I made and continue to make. So when you do have one of those days that back when would have easily involved copious amounts of alcohol, you can find yourself feeling all those desperate painful feelings that always pushed forth a sip of the bottle and not a damn thing you can do about it. I am talking about those moments in life where life already challenging just goes ape shit bonkers across the board and you break. That happened to me a couple hours ago and I am sitting here typing in my journal as part of my time proven strategy for getting through the impossible.

I cannot drink, nor do I desire to find a pill or gummy whatever. This is something that needs not so much my participation as more my presence as I must see this through. Everything has a beginning and an end, and I like to remind myself so far I have survived 100% of my worst days and today will be no different.

I maxed out on life, it got me good. I took it, I am taking it, I know alcohol would not only destroy today but probably at least a couple weeks if not kill me in short order. But that is a bit dramatic as I know I won't drink, and this is one of those times where even a walk or talk with a friend only scratches the surface and I know it will take every trick in my book to feel centered again. So far I took some pictures of my spring flowers popping up in the garden, made a delightful cup of coffee, printed out a few songs I will learn on the guitar tonight, I will take that walk later, but with the wife and dog so I can reconnect with my life and continue the process of letting life do it's thing without surrendering my control over my life with alcohol. Be well.

[NoSugar]

Re: It's my turn

I'm sorry you're facing a big life challenge right now and hope that the way to deal with it becomes clear soon. You sound strong and confident in your ability to cope on your own. I'm so happy for you that you've reached this point. Take care of yourself, NS

[Mulburry]

Re: It's my turn

Hang in there 4theBoyz.

[4theboyz]

Re: It's my turn

Day 1,604

My version of addiction today is night and day of what it was in my head when I first fell down the rabbit hole of recovery.

I went to my first AA meeting with a friend who was 27 years sober who exalted the virtues of a lifetime of AA meetings to keep me sober and was what I thought and expected lay before me.
15 years since that first AA meeting and now almost 5 years sober I can say addiction was simply a long chapter of my life that is now over. I say this because it is now quite obvious to me I was fighting against very traumatic experiences in my childhood that became my blueprint for managing fear and stress which was to run and hide and pot, booze, sex, food and drugs made me feel as safe and as comfortable as I could make my life feel in this crazy messed up world.
Today I feel safer and more secure in my life than I ever remember and it is because I accepted this fact that life is indeed violent, mean, unforgiving and full of pain. This I have come to accept as the price of admission to life I must pay to be alive and with that high price to pay I found there is an equal amount of joy and happiness to be found, experienced and enjoyed and when you experience this Yin and Yang dynamic of life unfiltered you finally get it!
Once sober you do feel all that pain unfiltered but you feel joy unfiltered and it all begins to make sense and an exchange that becomes equitable when you stop fighting against it because you finally realize that anything happy and joyous will demand we endure just the opposite.

You will redefine things like joy, happiness because it will often mean the absence of pain and suffering. instead of butterflies and rainbows we will be content with just sitting having a cup of coffee and grateful for a respite from the challenges of life. Addiction meant my happiness was centered around booze fueled moments to wash away the pain of my life and I truly thought this was it, this was how I was to navigate life. Get up, go work and drink to feel better about it all. Sickness does not come in a more insidious form than addiction.

Where this all comes to a head, is today I am over 1,600 days of life without alcohol and much to my surprise is that one thing that never changed is that I am still wrestling with the same challenges to my senses I dealt with Day One. I just make better choices to remove or avoid the pain of life and Alcohol is not my problem anymore.

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[4theboyz]

Re: It's my turn

February 18, 2008 was the date I first joined this sober group with the intention of never drinking again. Over the next 10 years I would relapse *hard* 14 times, I know I fell off the wagon dozens of more times within the first 24 hours of quitting and all I can remember is the maddening frustration of not being able to not drink.

*IF* I could go back to that day, I would tell myself that I would be OK.

I would say, Do not fear this change that beckoned me to a better way to live life. Fear of this change is what kept me reaching for the bottle. But it was a fear the likes I had never know as it was a big fear, full of many little fears that silencing any one of them just enabled the other fear to take center stage.

Fear of *CHANGE*! But also...
Fear of pain.
Fear of not sleeping.
Fear of Missing Out.
Fear of being bored.
Fear of losing friends.

I would grab me by the shoulders and look me in the eyes and say...You will be OK!

I would tell me about all the good things that happen when you stop poisoning your mind and body with alcohol. I would tell me...

The pain goes away.
You will sleep like a baby.
You will not miss out on anything you really want to do.
You will be bored, but not for long.
You will not lose real friends though you will lose touch with many of your drinking buddies.
Best of all, you *will* find happiness and a new way of approaching life in ways that minimize the pain and suffering we once took as the price to pay for the life we chose. Sobriety teaches us to make *better* choices with better results that gave me a beautiful and serene life I never knew was possible.

Sobriety is a big change for us, so is death which is the change that almost happened because I was too afraid to commit.

Do not be afraid! You *will* be OK!