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[Guest]

Guys,

I'm not completley on the program. I have been taking the supplements, have been listening to the sleep and subliminual cds--have not listened to the others due to being out of town next week and wanting to give the 21-30 days,which is recommended by RJ, without interruption to it.

The supplements and All One have helped tremendously--have cut my drinking in half. In other words, I have not abstained from drinking completely. Tonight I have had more than my fair share. I know in the morning I will have the anguish of haved drank too much. To all of you that are so strong and have started the program without having all of your "ducks in a row"--I commend you. I have not been participating in the boards (yet still reading every day) knowing that I'm still drinking--less maybe--but still indulging. There's a thread about hypocrites--well, guess what I'm thinking. Anyway, I thank you all for your posts, your suggestions and support of one another. It gives me great hope.

I'll keep reading--you all keep supporting one another. Wake up each morning feeling more confident and clearer and stronger. We will all make our way to being who we were meant to be without substance making us who we are not.

God bless and stay strong.

C

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Hi C,

I don't know if many of us can honestly say we are doing the program 100%. I am still struggling with this demon everyday. I think the beauty of this program is the fact that is can be tailored to each person. Some people are going to be able to jump in and do every part of the program 100% and quit alchohol cold turkey, but for most of us(please forgive me-I don't mean to speak for anyone) this isn't a reality.

Initially, I had hoped to do it with just the topa. I had a lot of success with it. But I still am stuggling with drinking out of habit and sometimes bordem. On some days I really feel like I have this thing licked and then others I feel like a scared little child.

I am going for "moderation", but the more I think about it I think that I really need to try a period of absitnence to see if I am really going to be 100% successful. The number of days I drink has really decreased, but sometimes when I drink I still go overboard.

I have the cds now and am really considering the All in One powder. I am on the topa and most of the supps. I am considering a 30 days of abstinence plan to see if I can make it. I know I can if I really try.

I haven't shared this little secret with my husband. For some reason, he thought it was fine to be drunk 3-5 nights per week. I guess it was because I was still able to function. I think I will just try and tell him I am trying to lose weight. I don't want to tell him I have a drinking problem because then I feel like he will always look at me funny every time I do drink.

Oh well, I am on day 2 of 30. Wish me luck!

-Nina

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Nina

Nina,
I wish you best of luck with your new goal. Keep posting and let us know how it's going. At 44 days, I still feel so many of the after effects of my drinking. I took my boys out to lunch yesterday. I ordered an iced tea, and told the waitress to make it the tropical kind. My son had this sad expression on his face. I asked him what was wrong. He quietly asked me what a tropical iced tea was. I knew what he was getting at, and I had to give him lots of reassurance it was just "regular tea", no alcohol. I feel so bad that my boys have to worry about me so much. They worry when I go out shopping by myself. My 12 or 10 year old will usually offer to come along so I'm not alone. It's gonna be a long road for them to heal. Gina

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Hi C and Nina,

I agree, it is our own personal journey which we each have to take on our own way. That is the wonderfu thing with this plan. It isn't AA or rehap....this is our choice and how we can and want it to work.

For me...I decided to go all the way and do the whole plan. But I also added in that I will not drink for.....well I would like to have a glass of wine on my 16th wedding anniversay, Feb. 17th. I am on day 4 by the way...very hard, but I am determined.

What ever your way of doing this program is, please remember, it's nice to have a place to come to where know one will place judgement or blame. I hope I haven't hurt any feelings...I know that I like this site because I can chat....sometimes good, sometimes bad.

Thanks for listening,
Tammie

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Gina,

I know where you are coming from. My kids are 13 & 10. I have put them and my Hubby through sooo much. There will be many months ahead, if not years of healing for my family and self. I just hope I can make it better.

Tammie

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Not fully onboard

Thank you all for your posts, they are so helpful to read, and they really do make you feel like you're not alone in this. I did great over the weekend, but then was out to dinner with clients last night and had two glasses of wine, followed by 3 when I got home. Not disastrous, but disappointing, since I was feeling proud of myself making it the two days through the weekend. I am just getting started and haven't received any of the materials and supplements yet (have ordered everything). So I suppose it will be a bit sketchy until I get everything and actually get on the program. I'm encouraged that I've started though. And reading your notes is a good way to prepare for what's ahead. Not going to drink tonight; that's my plan.

You guys rock. Janet

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Re: Not fully onboard

Janet,

That is the way to start, good for you! Don't worry so much about last night and try and focus on tonight. I also had many slip up's while I was waiting for all the Supps...Still waiting on the topa.

(Day 4 for me, sorry if I chat alot, just hanging on and getting support today, hoping my topa will arrive soon, lol)

Tammie

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Re: Not fully onboard

The topa will make a huge difference. It did for me. I applaude you for starting without it!

-Nina

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Re: Not fully onboard

Tammie and Nina,

Thanks so much for your kind words. I find myself coming to this site many times during the day, and it helps to keep my thoughts in perspective. I think you're right, focus on what's ahead, not on past things you can't change.

Hugs to you both, Janet

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Svedka,
I'm not fully on board either. I thought at the beginning that meant I shouldnt say anything, but many on this forum are doing slightly different things and they use this support to help them, so I thought well, if I help by contributing, that can be my contribution to the forum so therefore I can join in. I choose not to take meds but I am happy to have the meds there as a back up if I fail in this route. So dont worry about feeling like a hypocrite... join in.

Nina,
From what I've read on this forum, I think a period of absinence is highly recommended if you are trying for moderation. I"ve heard many on this forum say that. Like you, I didnt tell my husband at first. I eventually did (with help from here) and it was really one of the hardest things I did, but I'm glad I did. I'm not saying you have to, but it did help me.

Janet,
Do you know that when people slip up and write here about it that motivates me so much. I"m not saying I want you to slip, but everytime I tried to stop drinking before I'd slip back and the way people write when they slip reminds me so vividly of why I want to keep strong. Also from reading when people slip, I think the greatest fear is that they go back to where they started from - which is when drinking consumed them.. but here, I think its different, because you tell others about it here and you are on a course to stop.. so while you may feel like its a step backwards, I dont think you have fallen down the whole flight of steps.. if that makes sense. I know its not nice though.. so good luck with your plan.

Brigid

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Thank you all!!

Thank you all soooo very much for your words of encouragement and support.

I am really proud that I'm not drinking as much as usual. I think it's really HUGE to be honest--didn't think I had it in me. How you all must feel not drinking at all--you have much to be proud of.

I like remembering what I did the night before--the end of a tv program or dvd--or the conversation I had with my husband before going to bed. I also like getting up in the morning with a clear mind.

We all have our demons. It's nice to have a place to discuss them with people who know where you're coming from and understand. Thank you again for listening.

This is corny, but when I'm at work during the day, I think about the people here and wonder what you're doing, how you're feeling, and try to send out a good feeling that everything is good with you. Take good care.

C

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Re: Nina

Wow Gina;

I was touched! On my B'day weekend I brought a bottle of Nando Astispumante and my son came downstairs about an hour later and saw the empty bottle in the sink and said "mom why did you drink all that alcohol"? I was able to reply honestly, that I only had 3 glasses and poured out the rest..But I still wounder what was behind the blank stare that he gave me..

Give the kids a big hug and tell them you're not going backwards! Tell them put on their boots because mom is kicking the S--t out of pain and sad times! Only goodtimes are to come..

Brandy

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Not fully on program

Hi All!

Everyone here has something to contribute, whether you're doing everything on the program or not! It took me a while to get everything together, and I lurked around for a while, starting the topa, getting the supplements together, getting the books and tapes, etc., and reading and posting before I even tried stopping drinking. Even then, when I stopped Jan 3rd, it was only 12 days before I had a drinks this past Sunday and Monday. We are constantly learning and growing. Everyone has something to offer, even before you might have stopped! I hope you can believe it. Nina has written some incredibly insightful things, and her openness about her struggles is an inspiration to me when I am struggling. Marcie's courage is valiant. There are so many on this site who have provided me with inspiration and motivation! So Svedka, you are as much a part of this as anyone, and you belong here with all of us.

I learned so much from drinking this weekend, that I can't regret it. I didn't drink too much, and I'm happy about that, and I'm also really glad to be here at home, sober, and posting to all my friends here at MWO. I feel lucky

Kathy

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Re: Not fully on program

Kathy and All,
I agree that everyone has something to contribute. While I started out doing many of the supps and even got the topa before I found out I couldn't take it, I'm not doing much now except taking a couple kudzu now and then. I still feel a part of the MWO community and feel great motivation and support from each one of you. I relate to every story that is posted on this board. I know if I ever drink again, you will all be in my thoughts. I hope to never be in the place again that I was before I found MWO and started to turn my drinking and my life around.

Glad to know everyone here!

Marcie

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Hi Nina,

I wish you luck as well. I can relate to your story and hope that you can obtain your goal.