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  1. #21
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    What I really don't miss

    i haven't been missing the extra stop to the liquor store
    or the beer snuck into the cart in the grocery, hoping i won't see anyone from aa
    or the guilt

  2. #22
    Registered User. autumn's Avatar

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    26th December, 2010.
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    What I really don't miss

    I don't miss not being able to leave the house unless I have vodka in my water bottle,

    I don't miss standing in a stinky public toilet pouring just purchased Vodka into my water bottle and stashing the empty in the sani-bin, one less bottle to sneak in the house,

    I don't miss the night sweats and rattles,

    I don't miss waking up to my husband sleeping on the sofa,

    I don't miss waking up wondering what the hell last nights row was about this time,

    I don't miss those stupid vicious arguments started by me,

    I don't miss the shame of the empty vodka bottles he lined up on the kitchen side that he had found, I thought that I had hidden them well,

    I don't miss being in the Monday morning supermarket queue as soon as it opened with a bottle of Vodka hidden under a loaf of bread and milk. (I'd sometimes throw in a birthday card so they might think it was a present for someone else!)

    I don't miss DH hissing in my ear 'you are slurring again and you're showing yourself up'

    I don't miss the panic attacks,

    I don't miss heaving my guts up when I try to brush my teeth,

    I don't miss the severe squits which give you no warning or notice,

    I don't miss shaking in the shower and praying for the water to wash away my pain and cleanse my guilt,

    I don't miss feeling utterly controlled by it,

    I don't miss feeling helpless and out of control,

    I don't miss friends hanging up the phone on me as I was too drunk to string a sentence together,

    I don't miss friends saying, 'were you ok last night? You were so drunk I was worried about you.

    I don't miss the bruises,

    I don't miss waking up to broken glass everywhere and cuts that I never felt.

  3. #23
    Registered User. aust_boy's Avatar

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    What I really don't miss

    Autumn - I was just about to come on and update this section and what do I find - you had taken the words right out of my mouth for the most part. To say that I feel your pain is an understatement. I have lived your pain.

    I'll add a bit though.

    I don't miss believing my own lies.

    I don't miss thinking that it is just a temporary situation and conning myself into thinking it is ok to be like this and I still have time to right it when I am only sinking deeper and deeper into oblivion.

    I don't miss my girlfriend purposely getting drunk and just laying into me letting it all out (both physically and verbally - she was tiny) letting me know what she had been sitting on for months and months and months.

    I don't miss my dogs looking at me just 'knowing' and being kinda skittish around me. NOT that I EVER hurt my dogs EVER. I love them to death.

    I don't miss calling who I think is person A and actually calling person B and it taking me 10 minutes of telephone conversation to realise I have the wrong person. Then going on about OHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT like an idiot for god knows how long.

    I don't miss waking up feeling like a tonne of bricks in the form of guilt has fallen on me.

    I don't miss what I would call similar to horse blinkers coming on and all I am able to see is alcohol - ie day could be going well, whatever, everything else blacks out - need the drink and that is all that matters.

    I don't miss the type of people who were my best buds in the whole world while I was drinking. I could meet someone on the street and they'd be my best buddy.

    I don't miss not knowing who the hell I was, it's like I just forgot who I was for a while there.

    I don't miss the injuries (shattering my wrist in 16 places falling out of bed drunk - I was 130kg at that point, now I am 91 and it was all fat) I am just presuming it is falling out of bed. I don't actually remember (of course).

    I don't miss not remembering most things.

    I don't miss struggling TO remember things.

    I don't miss walking down the mall looking at people I know having no idea whether or not we are on good or bad terms because of shit I have said or done.

    I don't miss not having any clue what bars I am banned from and where I am still welcome.

    I don't miss pigging out after eating.

    I don't miss hating myself.

    I don't miss everything else taking a back seat due to alcohol.

    I don't miss the idiotic ideas I had while under the influence.

    I don't miss repeatedly thanking god for still being alive -- the fact that I am actually still alive and completely recovered physically is nothing short of a miracle.

    I don't miss convincing myself that I would only have 1 or 2 drinks and ending up having 15 until I just didn't remember.

    I don't miss wishing I was one of those people who got sick and just fell asleep or passed out instead of just losing the plot and doing insane shit while I was ultra drunk.

    I don't miss thinking I may have alcohol induced multiple personality disorder - whether I do or don't have that is debatable still but I guess I'll never have to worry about it now.

    I don't miss the ridiculous risks I used to take for alcohol.

    I don't miss the ridiculous things I used to subject myself to for alcohol.

    i don't miss the relationships that alcohol led me to with women. Chances are if you are drunk and you get into a relationship - the person you are in the relationship with also has major issues.

    I don't miss only feeling alive when I had alcohol (or was drunk to be more precise) in my system.

  4. #24
    Registered User. Flossie's Avatar

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    What I really don't miss

    Hi Aust and Autumn,

    I think anyone who is even thinking they are going down a slippery slope should read these truely powerful and emotional posts as you tell it as it really is, its not clever to drink nor is very funny as we have all found out one way or another.
    You two are an inspiration to me for what I could have been and was nearly there so thankyou for your brutal honestly.

    Well done to you both

    Love Flo x

  5. #25
    Registered User. lil.michelle's Avatar

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    What I really don't miss

    I don't miss
    - waking up after passing out in my day clothes
    -waking up with the guilt
    - the arguments with my hubby infront of my kids
    - the drunken tears I shed infront of my kids
    - missed family dinners cause I had passed out
    - the missed bedtime stories or songs cause again passed out
    - the day after, hangover, tiredness as I'd been up all night with guilt
    - the pure hate I had for myself
    - the thoughts that my family would be better off without me
    - the sneaking and hiding the drink
    - the lies, the hurt I caused
    And worse of all the fact my babies saw all this... I don't miss letting everyone including myself down.

  6. #26
    Registered User. autumn's Avatar

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    What I really don't miss

    Evening all,

    I think its wonderful that we all understand and feel for each other, but so utterly terribly sad thing is we have all been in that dark painful place with so few people around us that truely understand.

    This thread has really made me think and go over my pain and really look at how bad it was 11 weeks ago. I feel like I am reading about some one else as my life had gotten so utterly messed up.

    Normal people dont drink vodka for breakfast, normal people dont stash empties in public loos. I walked into KFC loo to see and empty gin bottle stuffed behind the toilet and actually felt quite chuffed I wasn't the only one! What bloody messed up thinking.

    I don't miss having no one to talk to about my pain,

    I don't miss feeling so alone and helpless,

    I don't miss hiding those damn empties,

    I don't miss getting stitched up in A&E at 9am whilst still drunk....that was shameful

  7. #27
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    9th February, 2011.
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    What I really don't miss

    I don't miss the guilt. I don't miss the fear of being caught out drinking. I don't miss the night sweats. I don't miss the wine. I don't miss the hangovers (which I always blamed on something else - like I must be coming down with something, I have just a terrible stomach ache or headache or nausea. Nope don't miss any of it! Have a truly great AF day everyone.

  8. #28
    Registered User. autumn's Avatar

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    What I really don't miss

    I don't miss the lies.

  9. #29
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    What I really don't miss

    I don't miss....

    That horrible feeling waking up not remembering all of the night before, or waking up somewhere else...
    The rush to get to the liquor store or bar after work.
    Being in a bad mood if there was no AL in the house.
    Waking up at 3am everyday with anxiety and sweats thinking it was hormones when it was really the AL.
    Going out in the morning to make sure there were no dents, or worse on my car.
    Spending hundreds of dollars every month on AL.
    Wasting entire weekends drinking, hungover, drinking, hungover...
    Going back to work on Mondays and I didn't walk my dogs, ride my horses or exercise all weekend.
    Feeling like crap.
    Looking like crap.
    Hating myself.
    HANGOVERS.

  10. #30
    Registered User. aust_boy's Avatar

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    What I really don't miss

    I don't miss....

    going to work, only remember shades of actually being at work, remembering glimpses of co-workers (my mates) hiding me away and telling me to shut the fuck up, wrestling me for my car keys and waking up passed out at home in bed not knowing how I got there with my car in my driveway.

    A mate drove me home and put me in bed.

    How fucking PITIFUL and SHAMEFUL is that?

    I don't miss acting like a complete ASSHOLE to people I LIKED for NO REASON bar that I had had way to much to drink.

    I don't miss people having to reach into the depths of their very being to remember what I am like sober so that they go that extra mile to ensure I was safe when I was drunk (and still had a job) while I was probably telling them to get fucked.

    I don't miss facing those same people the next day sober. Saying it will never happen again only to do it a week later.

    I don't miss the false sense of security that alcohol brings you, it's all lies. Every single bit of it.

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