What I really don't miss

[lolab]

What I really don't miss

Flo, you are so right...I just wanted to say that this thread kept me going through my couple weeks of tapering down on AL and was instrumental in my decision to quit. I read and re-read it while lurking and saw myself in just about every single post. It helped me come to the conclusion that I COULD live without feeling all of that remorse and that someday, all of my current behaviors could end up being a list of things that I don't miss...

Thanks for your brutally honest comments and insights - they were exactly what I needed...and I will continue to read this thread in moments of weakness...I don't ever EVER want to return to that place....

[vintage girl]

What I really don't miss

I don't know how I missed this thread until now, the posts here are so powerful and so honest. There are lots of things I can relate to, especially about lying to yourself and others, kidding yourself that it's 'only temporary' and will fix itself.

I won't miss being too shaky and ill on a Monday and phoning work with ridculous stories of how a family member is ill etc so I can't come in.

How low can you go?

[macca1975]

What I really don't miss

I dont miss not being me as AL always turned me into something im not

[magdalana]

What I really don't miss

I won't miss any of those things either, but I especially won't miss the look of disrespect and disjust on my 17 year old daughters face, when I tumble out of bed so hungover that my first stop is the toilet to throwup!! Then I remeber bits and pieces of awful things I said, the things I keep to myself when I am sober, but that burst out of me unepectantly when I am drunk. The endless apologizing.............

[fennel]

What I really don't miss

I don't miss waking up with the sinking feeling I said something the night before that I shouldn't have ...but not knowing for certain if I did.

[HoldingPattern]

What I really don't miss

I don't miss:

- the ever-present looming sense of dread about seemingly nothing and everything all at once
- the gagging while trying to brush my teeth or swallow pills
- the (sorry to be blunt) chronic diarrhea and associated daily "emergencies"
- the depression that feels like it can only be cured by drinking more, which worsens the depression
- the chronic sore/bloated abdomen
- the chronic heartburn that even Rx meds don't handle well
- the feeling of despair that creeps in when the initial buzz/glow of going from sober->drunk wears off and you realize that now you're just as unhappy as you previously were sober but now you're somewhat incapacitated, and the only thing left to do is drink until your black/pass-out so you can temporarily escape from feeling as shitty as you just made yourself feel.
- the constant questioning of "is this all there is to life?" then not thinking too much further and just getting drunk again.

[myhappyplace]

What I really don't miss

I posted earlier in this yet everytime I read the next post its like I could be writing it. When I start to think I dont really have a problem, and one drink really wont hurt me, I come back and read this thread. Its a kick up the bum to let me know that yes, I do have a problem and yes one drink will hurt me and those I love. Probably the most powerful thread I've read here, thank you Autumn, for starting the ball rolling and all those honest enough to keep it going.

[lolab]

What I really don't miss

I don't know why this thread is so powerful to me...but I am bringing it back up because I see several names (including my own) that have been facing struggles - still - or again - with AL...this one was instrumental to me before and it appears to be again....I could have written any of these posts and I need to remember how bad it was and how good it is now....

[autumn]

What I really don't miss

I really don't miss the voices, telling me I deserved a drink, justifying a drink, and lulling me into, just one wont hurt. Even though i knew where it would lead to, it always won.

I know can kick it into touch, and tell it to sod off! Because I would really miss my new found sobriety and all the positive things that are starting to happen.

Still not missing the

The Guilt,
The Night sweats,
stinkink of stale rancid booze,
Sneaking in booze, and the fear of being caught,
Crying silently every night, praying tomorrow would be a new start,
Hiding the empties,
Getting caught when hiding place were 'discovered'
More guilt and utter shame,
Feeling of worthlessness,
Thinking suicide might be an esier release,
Too scared to to take the first step and ask for help,
The horrendous come down, not being able to walk or keep even water down,
Throwing up and the fear of being caught short with the Vodka squits,
The first drink as soon as I awoke to stop the rattles,
Throwing up when trying to brush my teeth, thinking that was a waste of the first Vodka,
The shame, knowing everyones knows your dirty secret and thinks your so weak,
Broken noses (thanks tequila) bruises I can’t explain,
Look of pity from the shop keepers, even tho I rotated shops,
First in the queue in Tesco's with all the other alkies at 8am,
Knowing everyone knew I was a helpless drunk,
Drinking in stinky toilets before I got home,
Desperately trying not to slur,
My husband hissing 'you’re an embarrassment' whilst out,
Lies, lies and more lies,
Finding long forgotten stashed bottles,
Trying to remember where I hidden them the night before,
And OMG, sucking wine out of a filthy carpet because I'd spilt my last glass full :upset:
Constant anxiety and panic attacks,
Especially waking up with no vodka to take away the morning shakes,
Friends hanging up on me because I couldn't string a sentence together,
Scared of the dr's, but just wishing I could fess up and ask for help.

I wish I had started this journey a long ago, but I am grateful for every sober step.

I just had to re-remind myself what i really dont miss!!

[fluff]

What I really don't miss

Hi Autumn-wow- you are closing in on 6 months! Congratulations- and thanks for that list -it's a real wake-up.

[autumn]

What I really don't miss

Thanks Fluff, I cant quite believe it either, I couldn't manage 6 days previously!

But I can honestly say, MWO has helped keep me strong and focused, its sound lamby, but I would not be nearly half a year sober without everyones support and inspiration.

It's quite a reality check coming here! :l

[Nelz]

What I really don't miss

Best thread Ive read on here yet!! :goodjob:

[hart]

What I really don't miss

I'm on day 5 AF. I don't miss waking up with a hangover, not to be graphic but my stools were disgusting, my face was looking so damn old, the promises I'd make in the am and break in the pm, the feelings of hopelessness. My husband's disappointment in himself and me-we are both 5 days AF. The damn cost of two alcoholics in the house!!!

[autumn]

What I really don't miss

Hart, I feel for you, the cost of one Alkie is bank breaking!! LOL

[autumn]

What I really don't miss

BUMP!

There are so many post that really touch a nerve, I wanted to re-bump them. Every time I wobble, I re-read these posts, and it reminds me that there is nothing worth going back to. AL sucks, and every day with out it gets easier :h