Children of Alcoholics

[Going Strong]

Children of Alcoholics

this is my life!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! everything everybody says is what did happen to me! My dad drank and used to get violent but I was there! The little warrior that I was! would stand up before dad so he wouldn't hit her! Well sometimes it worked but most times he hit me! Reality sucks. I don't think I have ever had a good night sleep in my lifetime. I still lie awake of a night worrying (Hummm spelling) about what could happen and I do always worry about my mum. My dad is dying now and even though I can say I love him I do not have the depth of love to give him. How sad is that? I am like him! I have hated him most of my life! Karma does pay bigtime doesn't it................be cool Shas and just breathe.
PS I am just so over being strong for everybody else (secret.........I want somebody to be strong for me)
Much love

[Bella]

Children of Alcoholics

You have been through a terrible time. Your story reminded me of how my son is growing up and all the more reason for me to turn my back on alcohol. Thankyou for sharing your story with us. It must be hard for you to recall those painful times. B xx

[Popeye]

Children of Alcoholics

Sharyn44.
Your post struck a chord.
With me it was my mother and my step-father who I still feel ruined my late childhood and early adulthood.
My natural father is and always has been, a gentleman - he didn't show us his love until we were all grown up though.
My mother took us away when I was about 13. My siblings ended up back with Dad. I stayed.I have very little recollection of the next 10 tears except that I learned to hate my mother and the man she eventually settled with.
They both drank very heavily. I can remember going home to no food for days at a time. The were both very violent to each other and the man was violent towards me. I bided my time until I was strong enough to fight, and I beat the s**t out of him. I'm not proud of it. I got the blame for that,which is OK as he never touched my mother or me again. Eventually my mum left him and went to a women's refuge, and he ended up staying with me. By then I was married and he was so full of prescription drugs that he was no longer a problem. He had nowhere else to go. He died in his room five years after my mum left him, aged 51. He choked on his own vomit while drunk.
My mum carried on her drinking quite merrily on her own. I would go and see her in her own flat occasionally, but she was always drunk, or about to drink. Six years ago she developed inoperable lung cancer. She died four years ago, aged 63.
In the intervening years, she made a great effort to get her family back. She asked us all for our forgiveness, which I gave her. We ended up as friends which made me extremely sad about missing all those other years with the lovely lady I remember as a child.
You'd think that I would have taken heed of what happened instead of embarking on the road I did.......still, I'm trying to find a better road now.
Thanks for listening.

[paula]

Children of Alcoholics

I had an alcoholic abusive father and most of my siblings have alcohol problems
so I do think heredity could have something to do with it,although my mother never
drank but she never cared or showed any love to any of us,but thankfully i'm not like
her i love my family and show it.I know about violence,embarrassment,hunger,shame,
but thank god thats in the past,supposedly what dosn't kill you is supposed to make you
stronger, lets hope so.
Thanks everybody.

[Beaches]

Children of Alcoholics

Paul and everyone, thank you so much for sharing. I also grew up in an alcoholic family without the violence. Quite the opposite. The only time affection was shown, by my father, was when the alcohol was flowing. I learned to resent affection because it only came with the smell of alcohol. My father was absent much of my childhood due to workhours and later finding out that I don't think children fit his lifestyle. I guess he felt he needed to make up for it when he was home.
My mother still drinks although she likes to comment on the amount I consume and take no accountability for the volume she takes in. Especially now since I have opened up to her and told her that I am trying to get a handle on it.
Alcoholism runs in every level of my family that I can remember. I am hoping to break this chain for my kids.

Irony: I am here now doing this and my father only drinks NA beer. Go figure.

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

Hi all,

I know there's been a genetic link talked about - but I was adopted, so I think there's a pretty good argument for the "nurture" side of things as well.

You pick up the patterns - that's what I think.

Cheers

Cashy
xx

[tea]

Children of Alcoholics

Thank for that Cash, it is good to know that alcoholism is not solely genetic as in your case. Both my parents drank too much, my Dad became a full blown chronic alcoholic and died of this a few years ago, I still can't believe he is gone and am gutted at the waste of a lovely Dad, he was never abusive to me but was to my Mother who was abusive in return to him, all of which was witnessed by us kids and yes the feelings of shame I felt as a child is still with me such as not being as good as other 'sober' families, all the neighbours hearing the shouting/fighting etc. My Mother still drinks heavily which I now realise I cannot change.... I can't believe I just said that about my Mother as I am without doubt alcoholic and anyone trying to 'change' me when I am on a binge is on a hiding to nothing quite truthfully. My brother does not have a problem with alcohol but does have a gambling problem so maybe there is something genetic in our case with addiction, who knows if it is genetic or a learned way of life. Anyway, power to us all at MWO. Didn't mean this post to be so long, think this is longest one I have ever posted, hmmm must be feeling more comfortable on the site.

Lorna

[cassy]

Children of Alcoholics

i watched my fathers brain shrivel with alcohol induced dementia.my family finally broke down when i was 15 after years of experiencing his rantings and hangovers.

i cant believe I even started to drink afterliving the hell...the usual stuff for years was now and again drinker..then didnt drink for yeas when kids were small ..except on birthdays axmas etc. as the kids grew up i had more time and money...more socialising and Oh dear more drink!!

Never mind i am now at the crossroads...aged 52 and wanting better a healthier lifestyle.. I am the same age as when My father left home...he died aged 75. lonely. demented BUT guess What he stopeed drinking the year he Died...poor chap , the torment must have been terrible.


maybe I got a better chance???i am giving it my best go at having a complete break from the booze...Day 37 yipeee as maybe i will continue or maybe moderate...not confident to make a statement on that as yet.

I,m one of those sneaky drinkers that has a couple of glasses before bed time or a bottle of wine when out with friends..doesnt matter what the pattern was really BUT the frequency and the mind set concerned me Hence i started to REALLYlook at how to cut it down or out!!


so sorry for kids brought up in homes where alcohol is prevalent...my own home included..

My sister doesnt drink and i watch her kids do sports and never drink and I go down the "if only " path sometimes....

My kids are adults now and i am grandma...A very hands on grandma too. I pray daily that My kids dont become addicted ..but i have a sneaky feeling they may as society promotes alcohol everywhere we go as a good thing to do ..along with seeing me and hubby having a few wines or going out to dinner and having one too many/

i have tried to talk to my daughter to say i may have a problem ..but both her and my son say "dont be ridiculous ..you beat yourself up etc"

Yes I havent got drunk in front of them often.. as i am sneaky and go home before they see me sloshed/But deep down I ave realised i have a problem or why is drinking alcohol something i feel the need to do so regularly.


anyway Day 37 AF so feel good and positive. i will continue to pray for my kids that they dont inherit my addiction!1


Have a good sober day everyone

regards Cassy

[anemone]

Children of Alcoholics

I have never ever understood how someone could hurt a child. How do you live with yourself? I know that this is a horrible horrible disease that all of us are struggling with, but I don't believe that it has to lead to physical abuse. They have to be two different things. I do not believe that I could get drunk enough to physically hurt my children.
Anemone:new:

[anemone]

Children of Alcoholics

And I have tremendous admiration for those of you who lived through it. I'd still be hiding under my bed.
Anemone

[emerald_07]

Children of Alcoholics

I have realized long ago that there are so many children trying to understand their alcoholic parents but it shatters me enormously to actually hear stories from them.
____________________
emerald_07
Alcohol Rehab --Locate the best alcohol rehab center

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

Bump cause it helped me then to get this out and it helped me now to read it again.

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

And at 76 she's still binge drinking...

[patrice]

Children of Alcoholics

Hiya Cash,
Wow that you so much for bumping this up... for me suddenly something has clicked. the stories I read on this thread had me sobbing.
I didn't grow up in an alcoholic family. Grandparents were but we didn't live with them..as they were Devout Catholics we went there every Sunday after mass for Sunday lunch and they were always sloshed (along with the Priests and Nuns.. who would go to their house after the service.
But in my nuclear family of Mum, Dad and 2 brothers, I had an idyllic upbring. Parents drank but very moderately.
Fast forward now and I'm in my 40's with a 7 yr old child.. I have a huge problem with alcohol yet my siblings don't.
I notice more and more when I drink I get angry with my son.. never violent physically but just angry and very short tempered.. he is starting to realise this and after reading these posts, I am so scared that if I carry on like this.. there will be scars for him...
Thanks so much for this reminder
Patrice

[Cashregister]

Children of Alcoholics

Thanks Patrice I didn't know if I should or not - been a long time! Be gentle with your little one they grow up so fast. My philosophy, if it's about bipolar or drinking, is honesty - I tell her it's never her fault, if I do stupid things it's my fault. She is now 14 and a lovely balanced girl with a great deal of empathy for others but with a clear understanding that my behavior is never because of her.