Well, it's getting late, on a Sunday night. The weekend is coming to a quiet close, and the Monday morning to-do lists are piled up on the kitchen counter.
If you are not a member on "My Way Out" (I think there are about 90 people lurking in the shadows right now)~ Welcome!
It's certainly not MY business, but why are you here tonight?
I found My Way Out on a night like tonight, after my husband and kids drifted off to bed, and since I'm a self-proclaimed "night owl", I was stuck in my own company, berating myself for my senseless behavior over the previous weekend.
It went something like this:
I left work on Friday afternoon earlier than usual, because the weekend was HERE and it was MILLER TIME! I stopped at my favorite grocery store, meandered down the wine aisle and found a couple of bottles "on special". I picked up stuff for dinner, and happily went home. I cracked open two beers- one for my husband too- and we clinked our bottles to celebrate the start of the weekend.
HAPPY HOUR!
Fast forward a couple hours later- dinner is over, the kids have left to do their Friday night fun things. That leaves just me and my honey.... and his friend, Captain Morgan, along with my friend, a jumping kangaroo named Yellow Tail. We get along fabulously- never fighting- we talk about the week, make plans for Saturday and Sunday, laugh. Maybe have a campfire, or play cards, or watch a mindless TV DIY show. Life is great. The night goes long- my husband hits the sack, the Yellow Tail has disappeared and since I don't want to open the second bottle, I switch to the Captain and have a "night cap".
SATURDAY MORNING rudely awakens me. My husband is an early bird and I can hear him downstairs, starting a remodel project and doing chores.... by the time I get up, he's on a second pot of coffee. I exist as if "nothing is wrong", but the truth is my head hurts. I have vague memories of the night before- I try to remember what time my kids got home (did they?) .... were there any angry words? (I don't think so) .... Did I say something stupid that I don't remember that may have altered my husband's mood? (Based on his mood, I don't think so!)... But I pretend, I have coffee, I go through the motions. I join the family routine.
Until about 3 pm, when I hear the sweet sound of my husband cracking open two beers. (It IS Saturday afternoon, and he has worked hard all day: Why not? And you can't drink alone, right?) The thought of saying "no thanks" never crosses my mind; I eagerly take my first drink. Followed by the second beer, and the third... and then at dinner, I crack open my other bottle of wine..... and when its cashed in, I switch to the Captain. At some point at night, my husband goes to bed, but since I slept in, I say that I'm the night owl and I stay awake. Enjoy the Captain's magic potion. Watch TV, get on Facebook, surf the net. Finally stumble to bed.
SUNDAY Morning: ARRRRGH! With my head pounding, I drink lots of water and take Advil.... again, pretending all is normal but the truth is, I'm not well. If I took a BAC test, I'd probably fail. I know I have "family commitments": we have to finish the weekend chores, and get to church too! (A fantasy pops into my head: if one of my kids makes a fuss, I'll fuss back and then we won't go to church! (Evil to confess, I know.)) Alas, as a "responsible mom", I lead the charge and everyone gets dressed.
We go to church, sing, pray....(conflicting emotions swirl in my soul)... followed by a trip to the grocery store to get Sunday Dinner. A quiet dilemma rages in my mind while we are shopping: I have no wine left. Should I? Shouldn't I? The whole family is here! GREAT NEWS: My husband must be a mind reader, because he casually puts two bottles of wine into our cart. I'm all set for tonight!
"Lather, rinse, repeat".... yep, that's me.
And so here it is, once, again, a Sunday night. My rearview mirror isn't cracked, and I don't like what I see. Tomorrow, when the morning chatter starts, I'm going to have to string together a bunch of white lies and half truths when someone asks about my weekend.
:egad:
So on that particular Sunday night, I laid off the booze. I made quiet promises to myself that I would change. I told myself that I'll be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better co-worker. And in my desperate loneliness, I Googled, "Ways to quit drinking", or "Controlling drinking", or "How to moderate alcohol", and I found this hidden world, filled with strangers, that apparently think like I do.
"I have no intentions of publicly outing myself. This is MY problem."
"I'm a grown woman: I can fix this myself!"
"I can't quit drinking, I'll lose my husband. I have to figure out how to control myself!"
If you can relate to my Sunday night string, please know that you are not alone.
Create your unique name, and post your story.
There is no "judging" here, but there IS tough love- it's hard to tell us your half-truths, because you see, we tell them too. :l
There IS a way out. I've been on this path for a couple of years now, but if you are new here, please know: we don't all share the same story, but you'll find someone here that has walked on the same trail - you'll see our footprints!
Maybe you need to quit drinking?
Maybe you can learn to control drinking?
Maybe you will figure out that you are always going to drink, and you need to cope with that decision too? Whatever your ultimate decision will be, you'll find the strength and the tools to find your way.
:hug: Patty
If you are not a member on "My Way Out" (I think there are about 90 people lurking in the shadows right now)~ Welcome!
It's certainly not MY business, but why are you here tonight?
I found My Way Out on a night like tonight, after my husband and kids drifted off to bed, and since I'm a self-proclaimed "night owl", I was stuck in my own company, berating myself for my senseless behavior over the previous weekend.
It went something like this:
I left work on Friday afternoon earlier than usual, because the weekend was HERE and it was MILLER TIME! I stopped at my favorite grocery store, meandered down the wine aisle and found a couple of bottles "on special". I picked up stuff for dinner, and happily went home. I cracked open two beers- one for my husband too- and we clinked our bottles to celebrate the start of the weekend.
HAPPY HOUR!
Fast forward a couple hours later- dinner is over, the kids have left to do their Friday night fun things. That leaves just me and my honey.... and his friend, Captain Morgan, along with my friend, a jumping kangaroo named Yellow Tail. We get along fabulously- never fighting- we talk about the week, make plans for Saturday and Sunday, laugh. Maybe have a campfire, or play cards, or watch a mindless TV DIY show. Life is great. The night goes long- my husband hits the sack, the Yellow Tail has disappeared and since I don't want to open the second bottle, I switch to the Captain and have a "night cap".
SATURDAY MORNING rudely awakens me. My husband is an early bird and I can hear him downstairs, starting a remodel project and doing chores.... by the time I get up, he's on a second pot of coffee. I exist as if "nothing is wrong", but the truth is my head hurts. I have vague memories of the night before- I try to remember what time my kids got home (did they?) .... were there any angry words? (I don't think so) .... Did I say something stupid that I don't remember that may have altered my husband's mood? (Based on his mood, I don't think so!)... But I pretend, I have coffee, I go through the motions. I join the family routine.
Until about 3 pm, when I hear the sweet sound of my husband cracking open two beers. (It IS Saturday afternoon, and he has worked hard all day: Why not? And you can't drink alone, right?) The thought of saying "no thanks" never crosses my mind; I eagerly take my first drink. Followed by the second beer, and the third... and then at dinner, I crack open my other bottle of wine..... and when its cashed in, I switch to the Captain. At some point at night, my husband goes to bed, but since I slept in, I say that I'm the night owl and I stay awake. Enjoy the Captain's magic potion. Watch TV, get on Facebook, surf the net. Finally stumble to bed.
SUNDAY Morning: ARRRRGH! With my head pounding, I drink lots of water and take Advil.... again, pretending all is normal but the truth is, I'm not well. If I took a BAC test, I'd probably fail. I know I have "family commitments": we have to finish the weekend chores, and get to church too! (A fantasy pops into my head: if one of my kids makes a fuss, I'll fuss back and then we won't go to church! (Evil to confess, I know.)) Alas, as a "responsible mom", I lead the charge and everyone gets dressed.
We go to church, sing, pray....(conflicting emotions swirl in my soul)... followed by a trip to the grocery store to get Sunday Dinner. A quiet dilemma rages in my mind while we are shopping: I have no wine left. Should I? Shouldn't I? The whole family is here! GREAT NEWS: My husband must be a mind reader, because he casually puts two bottles of wine into our cart. I'm all set for tonight!
"Lather, rinse, repeat".... yep, that's me.
And so here it is, once, again, a Sunday night. My rearview mirror isn't cracked, and I don't like what I see. Tomorrow, when the morning chatter starts, I'm going to have to string together a bunch of white lies and half truths when someone asks about my weekend.
:egad:
So on that particular Sunday night, I laid off the booze. I made quiet promises to myself that I would change. I told myself that I'll be a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better co-worker. And in my desperate loneliness, I Googled, "Ways to quit drinking", or "Controlling drinking", or "How to moderate alcohol", and I found this hidden world, filled with strangers, that apparently think like I do.
"I have no intentions of publicly outing myself. This is MY problem."
"I'm a grown woman: I can fix this myself!"
"I can't quit drinking, I'll lose my husband. I have to figure out how to control myself!"
If you can relate to my Sunday night string, please know that you are not alone.
Create your unique name, and post your story.
There is no "judging" here, but there IS tough love- it's hard to tell us your half-truths, because you see, we tell them too. :l
There IS a way out. I've been on this path for a couple of years now, but if you are new here, please know: we don't all share the same story, but you'll find someone here that has walked on the same trail - you'll see our footprints!
Maybe you need to quit drinking?
Maybe you can learn to control drinking?
Maybe you will figure out that you are always going to drink, and you need to cope with that decision too? Whatever your ultimate decision will be, you'll find the strength and the tools to find your way.
:hug: Patty
uch:
what a precious place this truly is. 
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