I'm back

[moni]

Moderating didn't work.. I gave up alcohol for a full year but last year due to social pressure etc decided to start drinking again (in moderation).
I'm back recently to two bottles of wine a night. I'm in self destruct mode and can't seem to stop it. I could have anything I want but don't seem to embrace that, instead I choose this destructive cycle.
I'm so angry with myself.

A few months ago a guy showed some interest in me, I initially responded well but then totally screwed it all up before it ever happened by being cold and almost hostile towards him. I can't think clearly and if he doesn't respond to my emails, I freak out and I've probably at times sent some 'odd' emails.

I really need help, I'm really scared.

[NoSugar]

Hi, Moni

I remember you :hug:.

Maybe you could jump into the Newbies Nest and soak up the support and love that is offered there. It is so much easier to do this with friends. In fact, I was completely unable to do it until I admitted I needed help.

I'm so glad you are back to get this done once and for all. NS

[mama bear]

good for admitting you need help....that's half the battle.....I just came clean with my doctor about some issues and a huge burden has been lifted.....the Newbies Nest is a very nurturing place to be...or come join us in The One Step at a Time thread.....some of is have been friends for years there and we always welcome new friends....
you CAN do this

[available]

Welcome Moni

I know there is a reason i was single for the last 7 years, i was a drunk. Nothing else i can say about that to justify my life. The jealousy, anger, resentment, wanting, need ing someone but my head always being stuck in a bottle which caused shame, guilt and sadness from within. slept my way through half the state, blamed and hated every man but it was alcohol destroying my so ul that was the problem.

One year sober and i think the men are still the same or i have something called "respect" and am happy with who i am. Until i gave up al i had no respect for myself so why should i expect a man to or anyone for that matter.

Get rid of the al, you have done it, you know what the sober side is like. I wont settle for second best anymore and i am happy to wait.

Head to the Newbies Nest (seen you did) and keep accountable. You have proven moderating doesnt work and i havent seen any if many successful moderators when we are addicted to al. I tried moderating and epic fail and i prefer not endure the daily battle with the bottle anymore.

Take care

[moni]

One year sober and i think the men are still the same or i have something called "respect" and am happy with who i am. Until i gave up al i had no respect for myself so why should i expect a man to or anyone for that matter.

This is exactly it. This guy showed interest, kindness and genuine fondness towards me but I pushed it away because I felt I didn't deserve it. I constantly beat myself up over everything when the issue is alcohol, it's like a big pink elephant on my shoulder the whole time.

[danpeet]

Great to hear from you that you need help and you want changes in your life again. Just keep posting, we are willing to listen.

[Guitarista]

Hi Moni,

Good to see you here. As you know, once we remove booze totally from the equation, the fog slowly begins to lift, and our mental, physical, and emotional health return, along with increasing self confidence and slowly but surely, self respect and pride in ourselves.

The cool thing is, that it often only takes a couple of days before we begin to feel much much better. Look forward to seeing you around. Take care of yourself, and take back your precious life. You can do it. Kick some arse friend. G

[frances]

Moni, AL is viscious and try as we do, we always wind back up in the same place and knowing we need to stop the madness.

So glad you are here.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

Welcome back, Moni. Ava has lots of great advice. Patty

[Eloise]

Oh, Moni.
I can only imagine how overwhelming this is for you. Quitting AGAIN, isnt it just easier to continue to drink? Maybe by some miracle one morning you will wake and just not feeling like drinking anymore? Yes, until then you promise yourself to 'slow down.'

Unfortunately it doesnt work that way. The longer I am sober the more people I see who live daily with alcohol in charge of theor lives. They dont even see it yet.
You do.
Go to an AA meeting. Just sit there and listen. Clean all the booze from the house and promise yourself not to drink today.
Do what it takes to save yourself just for today. Bless you Moni- sending you the strength of a hurd of elephants to tackle today.