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Six and a half years later ~ A long time coming

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    #31
    Week 3

    As I enter into week three I am feeling really good about how things are progressing. It is only 16 days AF but to be honest it feels like months. I have had absolutely no cravings, no 'poor me I can't drink ever again', no walking past the drink aisles and feeling I am missing out, no looking at people in bars and restaurants or on tv enjoying a glass of wine or a cold beer and thinking why can't that be me, why can't I be a 'normal' drinker?
    No feeling of being deprived only one of relief and gratitude.
    I do find this more than a little strange given how many times I have failed down the years. The only way I can try to explain is that something has just finally clicked inside. My whole outlook and attitude to drinking has completely changed. I am so happy and grateful to be sober right now, not planning where my next drink is coming from, do I have 'enough' to see me through the night, I mean heaven forbid I might run dry.
    For me stopping poisoning myself felt like a life changing lightbulb moment, an amazing gift that I have given myself.
    I am aware of how this might sound and I may end up looking very foolish and deluded if it all comes crashing down around my head but it is the truth as I see right now.

    Anyway as it is so early in my recovery I thought it might be helpful to list some of what it is I am actually doing to help me along this journey.
    Day 1: as a daily drinker for so long I was worried about stopping cold but none the less that is what I did along with DW's support, she kept a very close eye on me.
    Her support is vital.
    So what am I doing/taking? Plenty of mineral water, multi-vitamins, milk thistle, early nights with 8 hours unbroken sleep. Eating freshly prepared healthy food. I walk every day and will increase this to more vigorous exercise as I get fitter.
    L-Glutamine is to hand but hasn't been taken yet, neither have the sweets both of which I found very helpful for AL cravings previously. I remember thinking of the bad cravings as a tall wave that washes over one, it does just that, hits and washes over and passes. I will bear this in mind when they come a knocking.
    One of the tools I am also using is watching all sorts of video clips surrounding the subject of AL abuse, at least one a day. I search 'alcohol liver damage', 'alcohol abuse', 'alcoholics recovery' etc.. etc'.., on youtube, pick a link and they keep coming.
    I haven't spoken to a doctor, probably through embarrassment. In fact I have been only once for something fairly minor in about the last 5+ years. This will change. I am planning to go for a full comprehensive check up. The days of impersonation an ostrich are over.
    On Wednesday I start my first ever yoga class and the following Monday the first of a series of mindfullness/meditation classes.
    I am taking the first tentative steps on the road to holistically healing myself after years of abuse.
    Thank you for reading, I failed to mention one very important factor, MWO and all of you folks that post. It would be impossible I think for me to do this without you. I look forward to the day when I feel I can offer support and advice to people who find themselves arriving here, feeling lost and alone, as once was I.
    Last edited by Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB); January 16, 2017, 03:54 PM.
    Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

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      #32
      The only way I can try to explain is that something has just finally clicked inside. My whole outlook and attitude to drinking has completely changed. I am so happy and grateful to be sober right now
      Sounds like your thinking changed, kTab! For some people it seems to happen very quickly (Check out this amazing post by ThirdTimesACharm about his 100 days: https://www.mywayout.org/community/ju...-100-days.html). Other people have more starts and stops. I had to work hard to get the point of thinking like a content non-drinker.

      But for those of us who have done this without any medication, the only thing that possibly could have changed is our thinking . And fresh thought is available to us at any moment! We are ONE THOUGHT AWAY from mental health and clarity. I wish I had understood this years ago -- I thought I had to fix something in me. It turns out - we are all FINE. What we need is already within us. We just don't know it --- Until all of a sudden we do! The support offered here, the steps of AA, the advice of counselors, the messages of the videos ... is all aimed at changing our thinking.

      When our thoughts make us feel good, we want more of that!! Your thoughts about your sober life clearly are making you feel great - so keep seeking that feeling! If a thought to drink pops up in your brain, it probably will be accompanied by bad feelings. That's really nothing to worry about. You're not deluded . Just don't give any attention to thoughts that bring about negative feelings. They'll pass right on by, just like you described the passing of a craving.

      I'm so happy for you, kTab.

      Comment


        #33
        Thanks NS, good advice. I too have had so many false dawns.

        I read that link you posted, it's a great post and I can just feel the posters happiness for I too feel that way right now. Life is good.
        Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

        Comment


          #34
          Hi tabbers,
          What a wonderful post - much more confidence in what lies ahead compared to your opening post such a short time ago. Thank you for sharing your journey x
          Take care
          LS
          To see a world in a grain of sand
          And a heaven in a wildflower.
          Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
          And eternity in an hour.

          Comment


            #35
            You sound great, I'm happy for you.
            My life is better without alcohol, since 9/1/12. My sobriety tool is the list at permalink 236 on the toolbox thread under monthly abstinance.

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              #36
              Yep Ktab, when it "clicks", you just know it... glad you found yours!
              Quitting and staying quit isn't easy, its learning a whole new way of thinking. It's accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...
              Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Just get through today. Tomorrow will look after itself when it becomes today, because today is all we have to think about.
              Friendship is not about how many friends you have or who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said "I'm here for you", and proved it.

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                #37
                I just love it! So proud of you tabbers :hug:

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                  #38
                  Wow Ktab, that's great , really delighted for you.


                  :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                  Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                  I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                  This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

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                    #39
                    Smiling real big here for you, Ktab!

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                      #40
                      Welcome to freedom! You will have 24 hrs each day of your own time without AL stealing it. You sound different and determined Tabbers. After a rocky start when I quit I didn't miss it or think about it, just closed the door.
                      Enlightened by MWO

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Week 4:

                        Hello folks, a quick update. So far I would have to say things have been going really well and I am feeling so much happier with the decision to take back my life. I realized some time ago that just stopping drinking alcohol isn't anywhere near enough to make the seismic changes necessary to make it stick this time around and I am working towards that goal in a many faceted way. I am eating very healthily, mind you I always did if you discount the crap I ate when drinking. But that too has stopped and I am half a stone lighter since the start of the year.
                        I went to my first two yoga classes this week and was very pleasantly surprised. Not sure what exactly I was expecting but I am thinking maybe I struck lucky with my choice of teacher, it very much appears to me a therapy for body, mind and spirit and that is exactly what I need right now. I read somewhere that the Sanskrit word yoga translates as 'oneness', I do get that.
                        Tonight I start my first mindfulness/meditation class and am really looking forward to it.
                        Tomorrow I am going to start swimming again, I used to really enjoy that but somehow it fell to the wayside along with a lot of other things I used to do before AL took over.
                        I have ordered some parts for a vintage motorcycle that I have started to restore, hopefully it will be back on the road by summer and I can once again enjoy gentle spins in the beautiful irish countryside, as once I did. I am also starting to potter in my vegetable garden to prepare for spring. I find gardening is very therapeutic, fresh air and exercise, time spent alone with my thoughts plus the bonus of having lovely flowers and plants to look at and fresh organic fruit and vegetables to eat. Whats not to like.

                        As you can probably see there really are more hours in the day now and my newly found clarity of thought still amazes me. Waking in the morning after a restful nights sleep, along with the return of my dreams which I didn't have for years, is lovely. No grogginess, dry mouth and sad face looking back at me from the bathroom mirror is something worth fighting for and I never want to go back. The lost days and nights, shame of my years of self abuse and what those around me saw is still very raw and thats just how I like it, for to forget would be dangerous.
                        Thanks for reading, any suggestions or comments would be very welcome.
                        Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

                        Comment


                          #42
                          I did HIIT training in my first quit stint a couple of years ago. lost 10kg over 3 months and health went from absolutely crap to a beep test result that would be needed to get into the police force or army

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Hi, K-TAB:

                            One suggestion based on my listening of a podcast yesterday is be careful not to take on TOO much. If all of that is relaxing and you feel comforted by it, go for it. But if you start feeling overbooked, or like you are stressing to "get it all done" or to bring perfectionism to any of it, take a look at what you are doing, and make sure you take time to relax and be still. That can be a challenge to some of us who are doers, but sometimes we can be guilty of overcompensating by doing too much. I hope that makes sense.

                            I am a yoga fan - mind, body and spirit. And a motorcycle drive in the countryside sounds lovely.

                            You sound strong and positive. Keep it up.

                            Pav

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                              #44
                              Thanks Pav, fair point. Obviously I have an addictive nature and get 100% into things. Balance in everything is the key I suppose. I will keep an close eye out and if any it ceases to become enjoyable I will take action post haste. Nothing is going to derail me this time.
                              Last edited by Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB); January 23, 2017, 01:59 PM.
                              Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

                              Comment


                                #45
                                You seem to be doing just fine Ktab, Your doing stuff you like & enjoy doing, you have a plan in place as in yoga & mindfulness classes & also have the determination & knowledge to stop drinking. So it looks like your doing fine, maybe review it every week/month & see if your self work is still doing it for you, if not change, and of course the main thing is never get complacent as just when you thing your out, they grap you back in :-)


                                :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                                Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                                I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                                This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                                Comment

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