Please find me?

[Guitarista]

Re: Please find me?

Hi Empyr. I don't go to AA regularly, but i am a fan of that program along with NA. Nice coin. How are you doing?

[empyr3al]

Re: Please find me?

Hi Empyr. I don't go to AA regularly, but i am a fan of that program along with NA. Nice coin. How are you doing?

I believe at my core that is who I am. That's why the coin is valuable. Core ethics. I hate AA, know the rules of NA, etc. I think life is a journey; not an absolute start and stop of sobriety. Its a journey and all the support we can get is the best we can do. I won't rant about it. I think its unfair and sets up ppl for failure. I have the coin because I care about some things to my core. I believe in those virtues and they are my rock. I'm okay. Rough day; but okay.

[Lost Soul]

Re: Please find me?

I hope you are doing better than me [MENTION=23850]empyr3al[/MENTION] your stick insect would have pushed me over the edge x
I'm lucky - I have a lovely friend in AA tom, who's 40 years sober! So it really works for some... (& not others). Acceptance of my journey is 'my key' x I am so sorry for your loss (wrt your pup) maybe you could gain to get your own soon!

[empyr3al]

Re: Please find me?

I hope you are doing better than me [MENTION=23850]empyr3al[/MENTION] your stick insect would have pushed me over the edge x
I'm lucky - I have a lovely friend in AA tom, who's 40 years sober! So it really works for some... (& not others). Acceptance of my journey is 'my key' x I am so sorry for your loss (wrt your pup) maybe you could gain to get your own soon!

JUST AN OPINION. I don't want to start a war with anyone or break forum policy. We are all different.

Yeah I just had some bad experiences with AA but I know the program very very well. Done my 180 in 90 in the past, read my big book and make it nearly to the end of the steps other than I couldn't find a mentor. I find some people there very unaccepting that I'm using medications to control myself. I guess that's touch and go; some things are better left unsaid. I haven't met anyone yet in AA or NA yet that would accept Baclofen or Naltrexone or even the fact I have to use Valium to come down. The psychology just hasnt meshed yet with the right people. I will again give a couple meetings a shot and see if some people have changed. I prefer the round table closed discussion meetings to speaker meetings. It lets me learn about the people so that I can find peers. NA I got mocked because my drugs are not as severe as others. Benzos, Dimenhydrinate, Alc are the primary go to's for me. The hybrid of med's I use would make the scorn even worse. Though I really prefer the people in NA I have been hurt a lot. AA is very rigid and my belief that a drug can solve the problem or even control drinking is unaccepted. There are phrases they have that indoctrinate people like I'd take 1 and then 4 ... so the belief is that you are becoming addicted to another substance; which is often true. I think NAL assists in controlled drinking and that's an idea thats hard to shake in AA. I have only one group that I can go to that is CBT locally and closed discussion that is not AA based though many cross attend. Shame is also a huge part of why we don't stop once we start and I was raised by a therapist so i know all the quirks. I was also raised heavily religious but I tend to reject that so its causing conflict with AA. I feel similar but different in AA because I know so damn much about what it is and how corrupted the belief system has become. Its hard to find rational people but thats just me. I don't go to bars because the people are irrational. Open talk about medication and options I can only find on forums so that is what I'm using atm.

Yeah praying mantis' don't bother me at all once I learned about them. Walking sticks frighten me because when I'm clearing a yard of debris something starts to move and you are caught by surprise when its in your hand. I will likely get my dog more and more often if I keep on the straight and narrow so I still have something that motivates me to stay sober despite losing everything I loved for so long.

But I'm okay at; a little down and trying to keep motivated as I reconstruct a business for something to do and a bit of income. Maybe I will get some pride back. I need to be sober to effectively run my business. I haven't learned anything yet from anyone super smart that doesn't just quote the big book instead of talking psychology.

Hope you're doing well! Remember the steps and that there is more than just the steps to recovery. X