Long time serial offender here on the seesaw of giving up alc then going back to it.
I've never described myself as an "alcoholic" as such, more of a problem drinker, but that is about to change...
I am now up to one bottle of wine per night (sometimes more, depending). I have found that my tolerance has significantly increased, where I used to struggle to finish a bottle, now I can do it with ease.
The other problem is, due to my gluten intolerance, I have taken to eating (binging) on one litre of ice cream per night, as it is basically the only desert that I can have, apart from the ones that I can make, but I haven't got time to make them.
All of this has equated to one litre of ice cream per night and at least one bottle of wine. I think I have been this way for at least three months, with almost a bottle of wine 4-5 times per week for years preceeding that.
Okay, so this is becoming an EXPENSIVE HABIT! Literally. Not to mention the havoc it is probably playing with my health.
The reason that I drink is that I am lonely. I live alone and I have resigned myself to the fact that alcohol is my partner. It makes me feel warm and secure and takes away the pain for a while. I work odd hours and it is not uncommon for me to return home at 8pm or 9pm... I feel entitled to have some recreation time after work, as opposed to going to bed straight away and it is also a way to ease the isolation by buying a bottle of wine on the way home. I am currently seeking a more balanced job with more day time hours.
Last week, I went full detox on sugar and alcohol for two days. That's all I lasted. I've detoxed off sugar before and the headaches were amazing, but this recent detox was "next level". The headache actually HURT my head and felt like there were reverse plyers inside my skull, expanding and ripping it apart. This thing woke me up at 2.30am and I was unable to go back to sleep. It also gave me massive anxiety, like i was about to have an anxiety attack. After two days of this, on day 3, i folded and bought alcohol and ice cream.
I have now decided to give this a whirl again, beginning today.
My dilemma is that because I need to be gluten free, i have to put a lot of thought in to my diet.
I've decided that I need a high-protein breakfast each day - eggs, vegies, seeds etc and I'll probably have a green smoothie. So uninteresting, but necessary if I am to move forward into this.
I'll need a high protein lunch, probably a chicken or tuna salad and I'll probably need a high protein dinner each night, such as fish and vegies.
Lots of water, seeds and dips snacks. I think that's about it.
I know that Day 1 is usually okay, as you have residual sugar in your bloodstream and the real detox symptoms only begin on Day 2.
I am in a position where I do not have to work if I do not want to (can take multiple days off with no explanation).
My dilemma is... Would I be better going through this detox and not working for a few days? I have today off, Day 1, so that is not an issue.
I could also perhaps work a few hours per afternoon when the real detox kicks in.
My concerns are that if I am at home during the detox and cravings, that boredom and over-thinking might drive me back to alcohol and sugar (I have great justification mechanisms in my mind, I am an expert at justifying WHY it is okay to have one more drink, or buy that ice-cream).
On the other hand, having a few days off during the horrible period would allow me the chance to sleep, relax and eat properly. I'd just have to get through that 6pm-8pm period, which is the loneliest for me when I am at home by myself and am most likely to drink.
I've realised at the deep root of my addictions is a failure to accept myself for ME and a lot of reluctance and hesitation in moving forward. That emotional void is ALWAYS going to be there so long as I keep filling it with binge eating and drinking alcohol. It is like my "soul" (for want of a better word) is screaming at me and I am not listening. It is a very scary time, because I will have to face all those inadequacies once I quit drinking and sugar (filling that void with stimulants if you will). I know that last time I went detox, i felt terrible and the extent of my internal torture really came to the fore and it was very difficult to deal with.
I am not looking for any support, or not too much anyway. But some funny experiences or helpful advice on how to go about detox at home would be great. I don't have any supports for this in my offline life, as nobody knows about this problem.
Thanks for reading.
I've never described myself as an "alcoholic" as such, more of a problem drinker, but that is about to change...
I am now up to one bottle of wine per night (sometimes more, depending). I have found that my tolerance has significantly increased, where I used to struggle to finish a bottle, now I can do it with ease.
The other problem is, due to my gluten intolerance, I have taken to eating (binging) on one litre of ice cream per night, as it is basically the only desert that I can have, apart from the ones that I can make, but I haven't got time to make them.
All of this has equated to one litre of ice cream per night and at least one bottle of wine. I think I have been this way for at least three months, with almost a bottle of wine 4-5 times per week for years preceeding that.
Okay, so this is becoming an EXPENSIVE HABIT! Literally. Not to mention the havoc it is probably playing with my health.
The reason that I drink is that I am lonely. I live alone and I have resigned myself to the fact that alcohol is my partner. It makes me feel warm and secure and takes away the pain for a while. I work odd hours and it is not uncommon for me to return home at 8pm or 9pm... I feel entitled to have some recreation time after work, as opposed to going to bed straight away and it is also a way to ease the isolation by buying a bottle of wine on the way home. I am currently seeking a more balanced job with more day time hours.
Last week, I went full detox on sugar and alcohol for two days. That's all I lasted. I've detoxed off sugar before and the headaches were amazing, but this recent detox was "next level". The headache actually HURT my head and felt like there were reverse plyers inside my skull, expanding and ripping it apart. This thing woke me up at 2.30am and I was unable to go back to sleep. It also gave me massive anxiety, like i was about to have an anxiety attack. After two days of this, on day 3, i folded and bought alcohol and ice cream.
I have now decided to give this a whirl again, beginning today.
My dilemma is that because I need to be gluten free, i have to put a lot of thought in to my diet.
I've decided that I need a high-protein breakfast each day - eggs, vegies, seeds etc and I'll probably have a green smoothie. So uninteresting, but necessary if I am to move forward into this.
I'll need a high protein lunch, probably a chicken or tuna salad and I'll probably need a high protein dinner each night, such as fish and vegies.
Lots of water, seeds and dips snacks. I think that's about it.
I know that Day 1 is usually okay, as you have residual sugar in your bloodstream and the real detox symptoms only begin on Day 2.
I am in a position where I do not have to work if I do not want to (can take multiple days off with no explanation).
My dilemma is... Would I be better going through this detox and not working for a few days? I have today off, Day 1, so that is not an issue.
I could also perhaps work a few hours per afternoon when the real detox kicks in.
My concerns are that if I am at home during the detox and cravings, that boredom and over-thinking might drive me back to alcohol and sugar (I have great justification mechanisms in my mind, I am an expert at justifying WHY it is okay to have one more drink, or buy that ice-cream).
On the other hand, having a few days off during the horrible period would allow me the chance to sleep, relax and eat properly. I'd just have to get through that 6pm-8pm period, which is the loneliest for me when I am at home by myself and am most likely to drink.
I've realised at the deep root of my addictions is a failure to accept myself for ME and a lot of reluctance and hesitation in moving forward. That emotional void is ALWAYS going to be there so long as I keep filling it with binge eating and drinking alcohol. It is like my "soul" (for want of a better word) is screaming at me and I am not listening. It is a very scary time, because I will have to face all those inadequacies once I quit drinking and sugar (filling that void with stimulants if you will). I know that last time I went detox, i felt terrible and the extent of my internal torture really came to the fore and it was very difficult to deal with.
I am not looking for any support, or not too much anyway. But some funny experiences or helpful advice on how to go about detox at home would be great. I don't have any supports for this in my offline life, as nobody knows about this problem.
Thanks for reading.
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