International Army Mayl 2020

[fickle]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

I like the french girl idea but still very strict about what goes in my mouth. Years ago when I lived in Sydney I pretended I was a tourist a lot.. especially on the way home from work or on weekends. I lived in a place with a lot of tourists so I just fantasised I was one of them and tried to look at things through their eyes as if I was only here for a moment then on to somewhere else. It made me feel lighter or sort of special somehow, like I had choices and wasn’t stuck in my life. I'd stroll around the neighbourhood, buy flowers, poke around in all the little shops. I don't know, it was just a mindset and I enjoyed it.

Russell Brand has an interesting bit in his recovery book about how we are all programmed from early days to behave the way we do. Something all addicts have in common is being driven. I like to think of it as a memory in reverse - you are driven to act, behind that is a feeling, behind that is a thought, which stems from some earlier experience that made a strong impression. Most of us are acting out unconsciously. His argument is that if we are running a program anyway, we may as well run one we choose. If we do the work, we can see the hidden triggers behind our behaviour – recognise the pattern, allow the thought, observe it, don’t give it any energy and eventually replace it with thoughts and acts you consciously choose. It makes sense to me.

[mollyka]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Morning..as regards the weight thing..I was never overweight cept for about 3 years at the end of my drinking...but ..my mum was petite but it was constant chatter about weight..and how so and so is lovely and slim etc...it went on forever leaving all 3 girls with obsessions and eating disorders...it's taken me till now to eat when I'm hungry ..anything....and if (like now in lockdown ) a few inches appear..I don't eat when I'm not very hungry..very much 'is it a need or a want?'
I think it's really sad to have spent so much of my life with a bad body image...I never EVER remark on my kids looks or weight...very sad

[NoSugar]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Its all about changing our mindsets. We all did it when we gave the booze the middle finger, so this is the next step.

It is a change of mindset that happens once we realize that we are feeling the way we are and doing what we do (like drink too much) because of what we are thinking. Whatever it is, we don't have to think THAT. We can think whatever we want, experience the associated feelings, and take the resulting actions. When the thought crosses my mind that I need a drink, I now notice it and just let it go. I used to react like that thought was an imperative.

The other night I was making up a big story in my head about how my friends were disappointed in me and that the honoree probably thought I didn't really care about her. I interpreted everything they wrote in text messages as attempts to pressure and manipulate me. After a couple of hours of this, I finally was able to step back from my thinking and it occurred to me that they might actually be glad I wasn't there because it seems to put a damper on the (ridiculous) celebration of wine and drinking fun to have a tee-totaler at the party. That might not be true, either, but since I don't know what they are really thinking and I was probably reading a lot into their text messages, it was pretty ridiculous for me to be letting my made up thoughts about them make me miserable.

began with an acknowledgement and understanding that some of my core beliefs are incorrect, inaccurate, no evidence to support, but unfortunately are deeply ingrained. I look at such core belief/s and acknowledge them, but do not accept them. I know what they are and work around them, leaving them alone, acknowledging but not allowing them much of my time. Because those thoughts are incorrect and make me feel bad. No time for that stuff.

Those core beliefs seem so real. It is hard to see that most of them were given us to by parents, teachers, or ourselves at a very young age and that they came to define us without our being aware of it. I see this very clearly in may family in which there are people completely dedicated to 2 very distinct religions. Their beliefs and rituals couldn't be more at odds and both groups are convinced that they are right, which of course makes the other group wrong. They can't imagine that they simply have made up different stories in an attempt to explain the world and their place in it and decided that they are true.

Russell Brand has an interesting bit in his recovery book about how we are all programmed from early days to behave the way we do. Something all addicts have in common is being driven. I like to think of it as a memory in reverse - you are driven to act, behind that is a feeling, behind that is a thought, which stems from some earlier experience that made a strong impression. Most of us are acting out unconsciously. His argument is that if we are running a program anyway, we may as well run one we choose. If we do the work, we can see the hidden triggers behind our behaviour – recognise the pattern, allow the thought, observe it, don’t give it any energy and eventually replace it with thoughts and acts you consciously choose. It makes sense to me.

That is pretty much the 3 principles in a nutshell!

[satz123]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

.I don't eat when I'm not very hungry..very much 'is it a need or a want?'
..I never EVER remark on my kids looks or weight...very sad

Same here Molls - NEVER. Had to gag my mother a few times over the years from commenting on DD and others - I was adamant my wouldn't end up fighting with their bodies all their lives.
I like this though 'is it a need or a want' ?
I shall use that.:thumbsup:

[satz123]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Russell Brand has an interesting bit in his recovery book about how we are all programmed from early days to behave the way we do. Something all addicts have in common is being driven. I like to think of it as a memory in reverse - you are driven to act, behind that is a feeling, behind that is a thought, which stems from some earlier experience that made a strong impression. Most of us are acting out unconsciously. His argument is that if we are running a program anyway, we may as well run one we choose. If we do the work, we can see the hidden triggers behind our behaviour – recognise the pattern, allow the thought, observe it, don’t give it any energy and eventually replace it with thoughts and acts you consciously choose. It makes sense to me.

And me [MENTION=4040]fickle[/MENTION] - it's trying to implement it in every day settings.
I :heartbeat: Russell Brand - always have - from when he was bold brat on the telly to now he's sober & talking sense in a sensible way.. I could listen to him all night.

[IamMary]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Just LOST MY POST :hopelessness:


Back tomorrow x

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Very late or early morning lurk,
Can't sleep even with the sominex..........probably because Mr JC and I had just an argument but a vile screaming match. I don't know what tomorrow (ot later today ) will bring. But it brought out many flaws in our marriage.
I could blame the virus but that's not the cause. This has been going on for a while.

As for the weight thing............ I lost a lot of weight two years ago, Molls & Satz wouldn't recognise me..........I get bombarded by comments from near strangers like 'aren't you thin'.........or a good one 'you're looking haggard'........@you should eat more'........I wouldn't in a million years say to someone.............'your're fat'...............'you should eat less'. to those same people.

[MENTION=22411]IamMary[/MENTION]............Mers, I've been having problems like that. I've copied them before I post so I can just paste them if the site times out.

I love Russel Bland. I founf his first book very open and honest..............his second I've started but find it hard going.

[rustop59]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Good morning everyone. I’ve had the same problem recently, lost a few posts. Hope you managed to get some sleep JC. Maybe a good argument will have cleared the air? No marriage is without flaws and lock down has not helped.

I was really skinny when I was young but have battled with my weight the last 20 years. Mainly caused by my sweet tooth and I guess alcohol originally played a part. Really trying to eat healthy during this pandemic. Thank God for the good weather, at least can bbq and have salads. Yesterday was beautiful and think the weekend is promised good.

[satz123]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Very late or early morning lurk,
Can't sleep even with the sominex..........probably because Mr JC and I had just an argument but a vile screaming match. I don't know what tomorrow (ot later today ) will bring. But it brought out many flaws in our marriage.
I could blame the virus but that's not the cause. This has been going on for a while.

As for the weight thing............ I lost a lot of weight two years ago, Molls & Satz wouldn't recognise me..........I get bombarded by comments from near strangers like 'aren't you thin'.........or a good one 'you're looking haggard'........@you should eat more'........I wouldn't in a million years say to someone.............'your're fat'...............'you should eat less'. to those same people.

[MENTION=22411]IamMary[/MENTION]............Mers, I've been having problems like that. I've copied them before I post so I can just paste them if the site times out.

I love Russel Bland. I founf his first book very open and honest..............his second I've started but find it hard going.

[MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION] :hug::hug:
WHY the feck says that to someone - seriously - Gobshites !!!
I saw the wedding Photo & you looked gorgeous.....

[satz123]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

because Mr JC and I had just an argument but a vile screaming match. I don't know what tomorrow (ot later today ) will bring. But it brought out many flaws in our marriage.
I could blame the virus but that's not the cause. This has been going on for a while.

Not knowing the details I'll just :hug:
But ...... I always thought you were strong as a couple. Is it possibly the wfh that's causing friction ? Invading your space and stressing you. It's a thing - though people would laugh.
MrS drives me f*cking mad with questions & criticism when we're both home. My body physically slumps when I send him off for another walk with Rosie.
I run to work and go to supermarket almost every day :haha:

[mollyka]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Not knowing the details I'll just :hug:
But ...... I always thought you were strong. Is it possibly the wfh that's causing friction ? Invading your space and stressing you. It's a thing - though people would laugh.
MrS drives me f*cking mad with questions & criticism when we're both home. My body physically slumps when I send him off for another walk with Rosie.
I run to work and go to supermarket almost every day :haha:

I agree with that Benjy -- would seriously re-look at retirement anytime in the near future!! ah Jacks - I wonder is she right -- could it be you're together all the time and driving each other mad? That is normal imo --- not a flaw in a marriage -- I really hope you can reconcile really quickly and get it over with -- I HATE HATE HATE rowing with Joe - it used to be common place -- sulking - silences -- horrible - doesn't happen very often now -- but it does happen... amazingly not in this lockdown but jeez yeah - we need some space.. think he's secretly dreaming of next week!!! sending hugs sweetheart xx

[stirly-girly]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Good morning Army!!!

Have we lost our lad? [MENTION=24493]outofchances[/MENTION] ???

Not knowing the details I'll just :hug:
But ...... I always thought you were strong. Is it possibly the wfh that's causing friction ? Invading your space and stressing you. It's a thing - though people would laugh.
MrS drives me f*cking mad with questions & criticism when we're both home. My body physically slumps when I send him off for another walk with Rosie.
I run to work and go to supermarket almost every day :haha:

[MENTION=7008]JackieClaire[/MENTION] - what Satzybum said - hugs and all! You're probably used to having the place to yourself and Bess. Very hard to get used to having someone around 24-7 especially when you don't go out yourself. And unless your garden is about 15 acres, even there, you re somewhat confined. Idda gone mental in one week in lockdown with former Mr. Stirly. Jaysus. Hope you get things straightened out. This lockdown has been very hard on all of us. Even for me who I am at my desk everyday, the restrictions of not being able to see my family and friends and not go out for a meal or shopping really got to me. And now that I can, I am rather dubious as to whether I should or not. Still germs around if you get me. Anyway - sending :bighug:

Fifth day of cloudy, cool weather. Serves me right for bragging about our weather the past couple of weeks. We had July weather in May and now we've got April back again. I think Mother Nature must have some kind of virus. My sister in Canada had snow for three days and 10 days later, sweltering heat. Ya just can't figure it out.

I won't go into the body image thing. I've heard so many opinions from "perfect people" over the years that it makes me livid! We're all perfect just as we are. Fat bottoms, short legs, thick eyebrows, crooked teeth, big feet. Look at the person inside and never mind the packaging. FFS

Wishing you all a good day!

[mollyka]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

Morning Stirly -- be grateful for the cool and dull -- you'll probably be looking at 40+ by next week and dreaming of the cool!! It's hot here - really hot - but generally May and June - and Sept are our nicest months... always remember sweltering during our leaving certificate at school! Course they aren't happening this year -- do feel very sorry for the young'uns -- not the little shits on beaches with their bags of cans in groups of 95 (Haven't seen them but probably out there somewhere ;-) ) but your average youngster missing out on all the 'rites of passage' -- talking to a woman who's 17 year old came home from school 12 March - threw off her school uniform not realising she would NEVER put it on again -- bitter sweet I'm guessing

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

He's in the office today.........he does two days a week. PTL he's in today.
I respect his office space aoart from the first odd days I forgot he was there and I swan in.

Achh we'll have to see how it goes............neither off can go anywhere. I'll count my blessings I've got a roof over my head and food in the fridge.

Anyway I've cleared the little bedroom out so I can have some privacy. Actually since the we got rid of the cabin bed the rooms bigger than you think

I was a chubby little cherub when I was three years old. Blond hair with dimples in my knees................. I just grew to be a very active skinny child, then a slim adult. Apart from when I gave up the prop when chocolate was my only comfort when I ballooned to size 16 (lost that thanks to Slimming World).


Anyway todays the anniversary of My Dad's death............I'm so happy that I nipped in the day before he died on my way home from work to tell him the worst joke in the world.........he laughed so hard I thought I'd kill him there and then.

[JackieClaire]

Re: International Army Mayl 2020

[MENTION=8529]mollyka[/MENTION]...........we know of an ten-year-old who insists on putting her school uniform on while she's doing her home schooled work and zooming with her class.