• Amused
  • Angry
  • Annoyed
  • Awesome
  • Bemused
  • Cocky
  • Cool
  • Crazy
  • Crying
  • Depressed
  • Down
  • Drunk
  • Embarrased
  • Enraged
  • Friendly
  • Geeky
  • Godly
  • Happy
  • Hateful
  • Hungry
  • Innocent
  • Meh
  • Piratey
  • Poorly
  • Sad
  • Secret
  • Shy
  • Sneaky
  • Tired
  • Wtf
  • Page 2 of 35 FirstFirst 123412 ... LastLast
    Results 11 to 20 of 349

    Thread: It's my turn

    1. #11
      Registered User.
      is Feeding the Hummingbirds
       
      I am:
      Happy
       
      4theboyz's Avatar

      Join Date;
      18th February, 2008.
      Posts;
      782.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      Thanks to all for the fantastic and warm welcome. I'm not sure of my next step and will be focusing on educating myself and embracing all there is to offer here.

      I do know my first goal is to reveal what it is/was that I was numbing with the booze. My whole life it seems, I have had the constant need to pacify my feelings. I am a Type A person, alway thinking and analyzing everyone and everything that is except myself. I do find myself the happiest when I do intentionally take time for myself, but with 2 kids, wife and career, the vodka seemed to numb the need for my own inner needs with a lot less effort. Unfortunately, I have seen how the booze also numbed my need and ability to be there for the ones I love.

      This is for now my own personal challenge and I know my path is going against the current of traditional addiction programs. But for now my stubbornness will prevail and I hope to continue to focus on one thing at a time, one day at a time. For now it is to make sure that vodka bottle never gets refilled.

      For now, no one here knows me and I'm not sure yet if that is really going to matter to me. I will continue to write here though as this spot will be my inner dialog I need to maintain as a record of my commitment.

      Feel free to comment as encouragement is welcomed as well as constructive and critical feedback. These next days I feel will be hard as my goal is to peel back the layers of my emotions that have become so hardened by the years of drinking. I hope to find the reasons for this negative behavior and I hope I find the courage not to turn away this time out.

      Todays goals:
      One on One with each son
      1/2 hour exercise - yoga
      Meditate
      Read this forum

    2. #12
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       
      satori's Avatar

      Join Date;
      23rd January, 2007.
      Posts;
      1,648.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      Welcome from me too 4

      Although you sound like you have resolve in bucketloads, I am posting this as a confirmation that it IS possible to beat this thing.

      I could have written your post a year ago when I joined MWO.

      I had much the same reasons for using alcohol - and much the same reasons for wanting to quit.

      Suffice it to say - With the help of these amazing people here - I am currently more than 7 months Alcohol Free.

      The first few days are tough - but the further you go, the easier it becomes.
      One of the problems about drinking like we all did is that you are unable to see your life with any kind of perspective. The alcohol creates its own reality.
      After becoming AF for a while - you gain the perspective needed to see the damage the alcohol was doing - physically and spiritually.

      I honestly feel more "alive" now than I have done in over 20 years drinking.
      I get "joy" (there is no other word that adequately describes it) now from the simple mundane things in life - like - being "one on one" with my boys, having a walk or a cup of coffee with my wife, a sunny winters day - whatever.
      That emotional (spiritual?) stuff probably would hardly have registered while I was drinking.

      The journey you are taking those first steps on is hard - but it is probably the most rewarding one I have ever taken.

      Meditation is a good idea BTW!
      It is not something that is easily done while in drinking mode, and I am happy to be back to doing it consistently

      Take care - and if you need anything - just ask!


      Satori

    3. #13
      Registered User.
      is Grateful
       
      I am:
      Happy
       
      Sunbeam's Avatar

      Join Date;
      31st January, 2008.
      Location;
      Great Lakes Region, USA.
      Posts;
      3,764.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      Hello 4theboyz,
      I found the Allan Carr book, Easy Way to Stop Drinking, very helpful and enlightening regarding "traditional addiction programs". Go read the reviews at Amazon.com and see if it might be for you.

      I also found it very helpful to make a written committment to my husband of 27 years. I have tried quitting before, and he was begininning to believe I could not quit. I definitely needed some new support strategies, which I have found on this forum. But writing down all the reasons why I hate drinking really helped. He doesn't nag or monitor my intake, and we rarely discuss this, but just knowing he knows and cares makes a big difference.

    4. #14
      Registered User.
      is Feeding the Hummingbirds
       
      I am:
      Happy
       
      4theboyz's Avatar

      Join Date;
      18th February, 2008.
      Posts;
      782.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      Satori,

      Your post is exactly the light at the end of the tunnel I was hoping to find here it hit very close to home.

      Juliana, I like your suggestion of writing it all down and is my goal to do just that here on this forum. Thanks to both of you for the encouraging words.

      Day 3

      Last night was more frustrating than difficult. Frustrating because that angry monster surfaced when dealing with the simplest of tasks. I thank God for my children at this time, for their unconditional love they give me provides strength and determination to say no.

      Valerian root, herbal tea got me through the evening, but I had trouble sleeping as every sound seemed like gunshots in the night. Dreams are vivid and plentiful like I had when I was a kid, the sense of smell is coming back. I know I need to embrace these changes as blessings to be able to continue forward in my progress.

      Goals for today

      Less anger
      Yoga and meditate
      One small house project

    5. #15
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       
      satori's Avatar

      Join Date;
      23rd January, 2007.
      Posts;
      1,648.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      4,

      Vivid dreams are GOOD!

      Alcohol suppresses REM phase sleep - the time when we dream, and get the most benefit in terms of rest and bodily / brain repair - the vivid dreams are a sign that your brain is beginning to be free from the suppressing effects of alcohol - your brain is getting back to normal.

      The dreams are particularly vivid in the early days - because you are sleeping less deeply right now - due to other effects of alcohol leaving your body, and so you are partially waking up during the dream phase, and remembering them.

      In time the vivid dreams subside - as you begin to sleep more deeply and wake more refreshed than you probably have done for years.

      Irritability is normal too in early days - it will pass.

      Hang on in there


      Satori

    6. #16
      Registered User.
      is Feeding the Hummingbirds
       
      I am:
      Happy
       
      4theboyz's Avatar

      Join Date;
      18th February, 2008.
      Posts;
      782.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      I feel like crap, tired, my brain is mush and I'm thirsty as hell. I'm on my 4th glass of water in one hour. Tonight is going to be a big challenge in that vodka would easily erase these crummy feelings.

      I did something completely unplanned and unexpected. I called an old college buddy and told him of my decision to go AF. He was a hell raiser and at an early age had to go AF and has been for over 15 years. He was surprised yet understanding. I guess instinctively I knew I needed solid ground to reach out to and he will be my mentor in my journey. I feel a bit selfish for burdening him with my weakness yet at the same time know in my heart he can make a huge difference in my success. I find this new responsibility over my own actions to be strange, almost foreign in that I have to now carefully plan out my activities so to distract my urges to drink. One step at a time...

    7. #17
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       


      Join Date;
      4th August, 2006.
      Posts;
      2,587.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      First off 4theboyz..Welcome

      Congratulations for making this decision..Its all to easy to put this off till tomorrow or the next day..There is nothing selfish in relying on your buddy as a mentor..As your name suggests..This is not just for you..As a father myself i know when i drink i'm not there for them nearly enough..

      I am wishing you the best of luck and courage..

    8. #18
      Registered User.
      is Feeding the Hummingbirds
       
      I am:
      Happy
       
      4theboyz's Avatar

      Join Date;
      18th February, 2008.
      Posts;
      782.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      Greetings to you Mackeral!

      Tonight was interesting. Now I see more clearly part of why I drank when I came home after work. My skin was crawling in anticipation of both the drink and chaos that was soon to ensue. To say home life is chaotic is unfair, for the most part it's quite normal I'm sure, though a sick wife, an 8 and 11 yr old are pretty good challenges under the best of circumstances.

      I'm more relaxed now, things are quiet and I got through it all AF. Yeah! Tomorrow is a new day and I look forward to the new feelings of alertness, I just pray for some sleep tonight. If not, this gorgeous red full moon eclipse will be eloquent company for my weary soul.

    9. #19
      Registered User.
      is Feeding the Hummingbirds
       
      I am:
      Happy
       
      4theboyz's Avatar

      Join Date;
      18th February, 2008.
      Posts;
      782.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      Well the week went by fast in fact it all was pretty much a blur. Here it is Day 5 AF and after 25 years of having my liquid "blankey" to comfort me I feel vulnerable yet alive and determined as ever. My weekends have increasingly been sunrise to sunset vodkas and orange juice, vodka and coke and martinis before bed. This weekend is going to be a tough challenge for me. I know I will be tethered to MWO and am grateful y'all are here to find the encouragement I need.

    10. #20
      Registered User.
      This user has no status.
       
      I am:
      ----
       
      indiamike57's Avatar

      Join Date;
      5th January, 2008.
      Posts;
      143.
      Post Thanks / Like

      It's my turn

      4theboyz-

      Welcome and congrats n making it though the week. I know it's been a tough one for I am/and have been in your shoes.

      You mentioned "burdening" you firend with your "weakness". Oh, boy canI see me there. I am the one who aleys takes care of everyone else! why would I need help?!

      As someone very, very wisely mentioned to me - "ITs not weakness, its selfcare and your selfcare means you will be there to take care of your self and loved ones."

      Its a journey and many here have helped me. Absorb it, let the posts and your thoughts sink in.

      If you can make to the next sunrise, :beach: it will only be better.

    Similar Threads

    1. Ok Ok My Turn
      By brightlite in forum Just Starting Out?
      Replies: 12
      Last Post: December 28th, 2008, 10:17 PM
    2. No where to turn...
      By Rocky in forum What We Believe
      Replies: 2
      Last Post: June 28th, 2007, 10:33 AM
    3. When does it turn around?
      By mustdobetter in forum Just Starting Out?
      Replies: 13
      Last Post: March 19th, 2007, 11:17 PM
    4. my turn...
      By sparklem in forum Tell Us Your Story
      Replies: 6
      Last Post: March 10th, 2007, 08:12 PM

    Bookmarks

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •