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Thread: It's my turn

  1. #251
    Registered User. choice's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    How did it go 4theboyz? I think it's cool you are open to seeing what AA is about. I'm curious myself.

  2. #252
    Registered User. 4theboyz's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    The meeting was pretty much as I expected. But since I was new and it was my first meeting they made it a first step meeting in my honor. They read the first step which is essentially to admit you are an alcoholic and powerless to not drink on your own.

    For me after 5 years of trying even though I feel anything but powerless....nothing else has worked. What they said will come in future meetings is working the other steps which there are 11 more steps each of which help teach you who to live an alcohol free life.

    Everybody told me their stories and what they said is to listen to the similarities. Sure enough one after the other, each person there had a touch stone moment I could relate to. But universally everyone of the 13 people there said they are sober because of the AA program. I heard story after story of in and out of rehab, family interventions, really down and out hitting bottom and each said walking through those doors was the hardest part but doing so save many a life in that room.

    I feel having live human beings to relate and be held accountable is what my therapist said will make the difference in the efforts I have made to date. Going back tonight after work.

  3. #253
    Registered User. Doggygirl's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    Hi 4tbz. I too really struggled with that whole powerless thing. I'm over it now though. I've made a lot of good friends in AA and have really grown a lot as a result of that program. I hope you find it to be a good experience too as far as helping your sober journey. Whenever I encounter an AA person I don't really care for, I remind myself that there are about 1,999,999 other ones to meet, and that realistically, there are people that don't like me either.

    Good luck!

    DG

  4. #254
    Registered User. 4theboyz's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    Thanks DG! After my second meeting last night I have a slightly better appreciation for the AA program and see how it can help people that really struggle with staying sober. For 5 years I have cataloged and categorized my issues I have in my life and with how I used AL to cope. What has surprised me is not so much the similarities for others stories but just how many things I have left out of my own perspective of my struggles. As each new person I hear speak brings out another element of my behavior I was not fully aware of yet is significant to me in how deeply entrenched AL was and just how negatively AL was screwing up my life.

    So for me it is no longer just a matter of coming to terms with the hiding bottles of booze and getting numbed up every night....I now see all these dynamics of lost time, broken promises, things let undone or unspoken. There really is so much more to come to terms with than I was really aware of. AA is doing things no other effort I have made has done.

  5. #255
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    It's my turn

    Good stuff, 4 the boyz! Beating the booze with the opportunity to experience positive personal growth to boot! Yay!

  6. #256
    Registered User. Doggygirl's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    Very uplifting to read your message. Your hope shines through! It is so nice to feel like I'm not a prisoner of AL when I'm drinking, and I'm also not a prisoner of AL when I'm NOT drinking these days. When I first got sober, I was definitely still ALs prisoner even though I wasn't drinking. Hope that makes sense, and hope you find it too! What have you got to lose, right?

    DG

  7. #257
    Registered User. 4theboyz's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    Day 3

    Well this is certainly a much different journey this time than my first time here 3 years ago. I never felt I would be in AA as I felt I was not one of them that desperate in my alcoholism to sit in Church Basements and commiserate over my lack of self control.

    After only 3 meetings in 3 days I can see the difference surrendering to the tenants of the AA program. I had to very huge obstacles that kept me from going sooner.

    One...walking through that door and two...surrendering to a higher power. God had left my life over 30 years ago replaced by my spiritualism and steadfast belief in a Universal life force energy which pretty much guaranteed that a Biblical God would never be a part of my life again.

    Tonight was a step meeting where they discussed step 2 which requires surrendering to a higher power. I knew I would struggle with this meeting. As I listened to one person after the other relate their own struggles of understanding and surrendering to this higher power it dawned on that people in my life are my higher power. The same life force I have in me so do these people in the room, so do you, so do the people who love you.

    Alcohol separated me from the ones I loved. I was in love with booze....booze was a powerful drug and became more powerful than my own self control. I felt comfortable being controlled by booze as I knew I was not strong enough to take it on on my own.

    Yet walking through those doors 2 days ago and now sitting, listening and sharing our stories and commitments to sobriety I then realized that these very people in the room were my higher power. They were as interested in my sobriety as they were in their own and if I just surrendered to let them help me and not fight my demon on my own....I just might be strong enough to finally beat this addiction.

    Having a list of phone numbers of people to call if I need to talk who do care about me, knowing I am now accountable to a group of people I proved to I needed their help...is a powerful motivator....my higher power.

  8. #258
    Registered User. 4theboyz's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    Well one thing is certain,. AA does not eliminate the cravings and life's stressors....I miss the sure-fire instant pain erasure of Vodka. This sucks....

  9. #259
    Registered User. Doggygirl's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    4theboyz;1272200 wrote: Well one thing is certain,. AA does not eliminate the cravings and life's stressors....I miss the sure-fire instant pain erasure of Vodka. This sucks....
    Hi 4tbz. I'm sorry you are struggling with cravings. That is such a difficult part of the early days of sobriety. Here are the tools of AA that I like for helping "change the channel" in my head if my thoughts turn to drinking:

    * Go to a meeting
    * Call someone (I like to have an ARMY of phone numbers!)
    * Read some of the material - Big Book stories help me get refocused
    * Post on the AA Weekly thread here at MWO - link : http://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...4-a-58635.html

    The WORST thing I can do if I'm craving is sit alone with it. My sneaky addicted brain loves to have me alone with thoughts of AL. That keeps me vulnerable. I hope you reach out!

    DG

  10. #260
    Registered User. Doggygirl's Avatar

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    It's my turn

    Just reaching out to see how you are doing. Hope you are OK.

    DG

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