It's my turn

[4theboyz]

A year ago I wrote here about my 15th day one at wanting to get sober....and I f'n did it! Day 365 ONE YEAR SOBER! By the grace of God it can be done! Thank you to every one that gave me words of encouragement. Took 10 years to get to this point...as they say never give up the fight! Wow! Feels freaking amazing! I love all of you! Really amazing! Wow!

[NoSugar]

You are living proof that as long as you keep trying, there is hope. Congratulations and keep doing what you are doing !

[caysea]

Hi All
Congrats on the 1 year. Certainly a big milestone in recovery

[Ginger999]

Congrats on one year!! Here's to many, many more.

[abcowboy]

[Slo]

Congratulations to you, 4theboyz: you did it! It may have taken 10 years, as it so often does, but you’re solidly AF now with a full year in!!

[jvo]

Congratulations! What an amazing feat!

[4theboyz]

Day 422

I must say it surely feels odd that I can sit here and type with no real struggles to report. Life is certainly not what I would label "normal" as even after 14 months sober, I have no clue as to what normal should look or feel like. I did want to share one component of my sobriety that really stands out for me that I feel are really important for anyone trying to get sober should spend time on getting a better understanding of. It has to deal with anticipation. According to science people much smarter than me, anticipating your next drink is more impactful to the brain chemistry than the drink itself. Dopamine is that chemical that we get a high/euphoric feeling when we do or experience anything "good" for our survival. Think food, sex and cheap thrills etc. So think for a moment all the time, effort and preparation we invest into preparing for that moments we can take our next drink. For me it devolved into a full blown obsession that never stopped except when I slept and even that is in question. I look back and can see all the heroics, excuses and lies that went into making sure I had sufficient amounts of Vodka to carry me through each night. That planning eventually started the minute I woke up. Sometimes my first drink was the last few sips left in a bottle which only meant I had to plan for a trip to the store. It got to the point where I would drive extra distance to a store I had not been to already that week. So I can fully appreciate this dynamic of the role anticipation plays in our addiction to our liquor and in a way that first or second drink was anticlimactic, lacking the thrill reward that would mirror the amount of effort exerted into securing the nights alcohol supply. So since I quit 14 months ago, I can see that it has been quite the hurdle for me to clear in replacing all that time and energy that went into my anticipation of my drinking especially that bell ringer moment after work when I began my decent into inebriation. I have had to rebuild that part of my life that is now vacant of all that anticipation and excitement of getting high. I can also see why I failed at sobriety so many time before in how I never fully appreciated this element of my drinking life and the role it played. That much adrenaline exerted throughout the day in my anticipation of that first drink is a tough act to follow. I feel I have ultimately succeeded in this challenge to where not I look forward to just going home to be present in the life I have created for myself and my family. I get to look forward to a hug and kiss from my wife where before I avoided that because she would smell the copious amount of vodka I drank on the way home from work. I get to wander around the yard and tend to the garden I used to ignore. I can cook, walk the dog, exercise, play guitar, got to meetings or just relax with a book or mindless TV on Netflix. I actually look forward to this as much or more than I did with my obsession with booze. As an update, I plan on going to my first Smart Recovery meeting just to take a look at another perspective on this Rabbit Hole I am still trying to climb out of. Take care y'all.

[Pavati]

Hi!

I am just seeing this two months late but CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so happy to see you taking control and feeling good about it.

Whoot!

Pav

[4theboyz]

Day 524
My how time flies when you are having fun. And having fun I am. I can safely say I feel I am out of the woods. 17 months sober and I have to really think hard to remember the last hard hitting urge I had. I have to chalk it up to a lot of hard work, a lot of focus, a lot of repetition, a solid sober regimen of diet and daily (underline DAILY) exercise. I cannot emphasize the value of exercise. I am not talking a boot camp style or athlete type effort...just 30 mins a day of some type of cardio and a good brisk walk is all ya need. I do weights 2-3 times a week with cardio and just cardio the other days. The true benefit of daily exercise is sleep. Good sleep is the most important thing a person in recovery can do to make this all bearable even to the point of enjoyable.

Anyway, I still go to an outpatient meeting once a month purely as a check in and to say hi. Not many familiar faces as most have quit the program. I also try to get to a SMART meeting once a week in trying their approach only in contrast to how little success I had in AA despite 10 years of trying with AA. SMART does mirror/mimic the CBT type principals of my outpatient program. In the end looking back, it really all came down to me wanting to get sober, wanting to live, wanting to stop torturing my soul with mindless drinking. Programs only get you so far and you just have to want it so bad that you do push yourself to do what needs to get done.

But if I had to pick one thing that really made *THE* difference in my being able to not drink again was 3 very simple words..."I....Don't...Drink". Once I embraced those 3 words, I felt liberated! I no longer had to worry about drinking again because hello! I don't Drink! Life is so infinitely easier to navigate when you just don't drink anymore. Think of all the times you said "fuck it" and had a drink. Now imagine that same scenario and you can't drink because you don't drink! Now you are forced into solving that problem in any other way than using a drink. Pretty freaking cool! You are essentially forced to going through the day doing things and drinking is not an option. It was so simple, really pretty easy and when the bell ringer urges came around....it was a no-brainer as sorry Mr. Urge....I don't drink so you are useless around me. Hell yes there are moments where my past knee jerk response would be to grab a drink, but pretty hard to execute and follow through when you realize....whooops...I don't drink so I will take a walk instead, a bath, read a book, hit the treadmill, clean up the house, go to a meeting or find an on-line community to commiserate in. Sobriety is infinitely easier when you don't drink!