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  1. #1
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    13th October, 2008.
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    Trying to make it through

    Hello everyone,

    I found this site a few months ago and read a lot of information in it and it helped me but I was not ready to quit then. Now I am! Here is my story along with a couple of questions that I would like your opinion on. I've been drinking heavily for about 3 years with this year bringing on alot of things that would push a person over the edge. In February, I got DUI, in May wy wife and I got into it and the police got called and I went to jail for 2 weeks for spousal abuse (I did not hit her, but I did push her to be honest). I have been with the same woman for 20 years with no history of physical abuse whatsoever. We have 3 kids and I know they love me but they don't like me when I drink. When I got out jail, I stayed with a friend for a short time before he asked me to leave. I have uncles who went into programs and suggested that for me but I was in denial and thinking (I'm not going into no program), nevertheless, I was there in less than a week. The whole time I was there, I was listening and sharing with the thought that I was better than they were, didn't do what they did and had more. But while I was in there, I excelled. Within my first few weeks, I was elected to the leadership council at the facility, had favor with the counselors and was thinking clear. I went to court on the DUI case and when the judge found out that I was in treatment, she gave me favor as well.

    Now is the turn that brought me back here and seeking help from you guys. After court, I was catching the bus back to the treatment facility but because the bus passed right by my house, I stopped there to say hi to my kids and continue on to the facility. I received a call while there and it was from the mortgage company telling me that they were forclosing on my house tomorrow and unless I had $15k there was nothing I could do about it. I called my browther in law to bring my car and I promptly checked out of treatment (I went in voluntarily not court-ordered). I came home and the next day (which wsa my 14th wedding anniversary) we lost our home. Now since alcohol was a problem, I drank more and my wife and I had a few more arguments bad ones to the point that she moved and found her own place with the kids. That sank me into a depression and I continued for a couple of months more. I have been to my friends house again but because of the drinking, he asked me to leave again. I then went to an Uncle's house and have been there, but feel like I am cramping them. Here is something that is a little strange, tell me what you think. When my wife left, she pretty much told me she was going to divorce me and that sank me deeper in my drinking and depression. But things have not been going so well for her since leaving me as since I am not working currently, the income I provided is not there and though I give what I can, it's nothing, nothing of what I used to make. Friday I get a email stating that her car had got re-possed and she might want to use mines. I had told her in an earlier email that I was going back to the VA, but this time for me because I need and want the help to help me get back on track. I then went to the area to where we used to live to have some work done on the car before I gave it to her and ended staying out a little later than I expected. I called her and asked her if I could sleep on her couch and get up in the morning. She told me no and that bothered me. I was thinking you want my car because yours got re-possesed but I can't sleep on your couch? Imagine the negative thoughts I had that night! The next morning, I went to another friend's house and some others came over and we talked about it. They had different opinions about what they would do, most of which was let her make it her own way, she left you found a place, you helped her move into even though she didn't want you to have the address at first, but when she couldn't get any help she called on you to help her and now she needs your car but you can't sleep on the couch? No! I tossed and turned over that all weekend and came to the conclusion that if I get into treatment tomorrow, I am going to let her use the car....not for her, but for the kids with my boys being in football having 3 practices a week and games on Saturday. My thinking is that things are bad enough for them and to make them suffer more even with the way their mother is acting towards me, I don't want them to suffer any more than they have to. I'm not a weak man, I do have a conscious, I just let my drinking get way out of control and it cost me dearly. Now I know I'm an alcoholic and this time I'm going to treatment because I WANT the help this time and not for anybody else. In addition, my back is completely against the wall!

  2. #2
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    20th June, 2007.
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    Trying to make it through

    You have a very sad story. But you have found a place where we can all relate to you and many have been where you are. We are all different, but we all know how you feel. You may feel like you are against the wall, but it mall all work our for the best. Good Luck!

  3. #3
    Registered User. akgirl's Avatar

    Join Date;
    4th August, 2008.
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    Trying to make it through

    I wish I had some wonderful words to inspire and help you. I don't but I can say Welcome, and you have come to the right place. Stick around, there are a lot of very caring people to help and support you here. This place and this plan has made a huge difference in so many.

    You have my admiration for "doing it for the kids" :h
    AK

  4. #4
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    19th August, 2008.
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    Trying to make it through

    I too have to go to treatment. Never been before and am anxious. I am a young female in a long distance relationship and have been drinking since age 15. Although not daily until age 22 when I married my now ex. I'm unemployed (for an eating disorder, not alcohol) and my only option is a clinic that while it is free, it is heavily Christian and bible based. I grew up in the church and was very religious until around age 13-14. I haven't returned to Christianity, don't believe Jesus was the son of God (a prophet at best, a saint at the worst), though I do believe in a higher power. I'm more of a spiritual person, so the though of spending a month or more reading the bible and being preached to isn't that appealing. But, like I said, it's m only option at the moment. A plus though is they deal with dual addictions, which I have. Eating disorder and alcoholism.

    I am so sorry you lost your house and potentially your wife. I have pretty much lost everyone except my boyfriend and family who will only support me if I go to rehab or AA. Can't stand most AA meetings I've been to.

    I commend you for sucking it up for you children. Don't have any myself, but worked in elementary education for 5 years and love kids. They light up our lives.

    Good luck on treatment, I hope they have internet access so you can keep posting here. We all need all the support we can get. Live and virtual.

    Hugs, Rach

  5. #5
    Registered User.

    Join Date;
    19th August, 2008.
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    Trying to make it through

    Oh, and, although your wife needed your help to leave you, she's hurting just as much as you are. You will have to support her and the kids in some way together or not. She probably didn't want you on the couch in case you drank or came over drunk. She also may think it's better for the kids not to be around you right now. I donno. I know when I left my ex I asked him to help me move into my new place. In hind sight was a bad idea because then he began to stalk me, I had to call the cops a couple of times. Not pretty. It's a catch 22 because you need help and know that person will still help (in your case mostly? partly? because of the kids? In my case, I just had noone else to ask for help. The few friends I did have were working and my family lives too far.

    Your wife just wants the man she married back, that's all. Her reactions right now are becasue the wounds are so fresh. It will take time. I know it is hard and lonely, but try to be patient.

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