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  1. #1
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    facing consequences

    HiI am 1 week sober again after a 10 day bender. The fact that I am over the withdrawals is great and I am back in AA which helps, but I am caught up in a vicous cycle of drinking to cope with consequences of past benders. I went from daily drinking, to trying to control it, then trying abstinence. However, abstinence is very hard whenyou have to take on the real world again without the confidence that alcohol immediately gives me.
    High range PCA (again) in a black-out - don't even recall getting in the car! Finding new work, trying to get my fitness and motivation back and alienation from parents and siblings.
    All the "yets" that I never thought would happen to me. Have to remember that 1 is too many and 1000 is not enough. Try telling my psyche this though! It tells me if I just have "one" (probably equal to someone else's three) that I will be brave again to start on my problems but inevitably I wake up the next day with an empty bottle and a heart full of regret and the horror of having to try and start over again.
    God it is hard. My doctor says I am the most hard-wired alky he has met and I am only 38yrs. My uncle died of alcoholism last week at 50. My family do not want me at the funeral in case I cause a drunken scene.
    Fortunately my 6yr old son has never seen me drunk except one night when I fell out of bed seizuring. My partner is a sober alky - no drink for 13 years - a lot to live up to!
    The biggest problem is the stress of those around me. Alcohol has had a profound effect not just on me but all of those who care about me.
    At least I still have all of my own teeth!

  2. #2
    Forum Subscriber. dill's Avatar

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    facing consequences

    Welcome, Chopper. You sound like you've been through a lot! It is truly hard to stay sober, but I am told it gets easier with time. In the mean time, I work on focusing on all the good that is coming to me through being AF. I continue to be grateful everyday to be going to bed in the evening with a clear recollection of my day, and waking up hangover free! I wish you well.

  3. #3
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    facing consequences

    Dude ... my problems really hit around 38 years of age.

    Everything you wrote rings true. Everything.

    For me ... it took much. MUCH. It still takes much.

    You are clearly a deep thinker, very aware person. You KNOW ... as I did ... that when you chose ... you chose a course that was no longer predictable for you.

    What helped me, and I speak only for me, was a commitment to body (some exercise) ... that led to a better diet (without conscious thought, actually), which led to better thoughts and a stronger way to deal with the urges. Not a perfect plan. For sure.

    But add in what has worked for you ... whatever those things might be ... a morning "check in" with a reading? A nightly "thank you" for today? Whatever.

    Reflect on what you've obviously already reflected on. It's hard to call someone, or to activate a "stop" button, when the go button is activated.

    Good luck. Your post really rung true with me.

    Thanks for that.

  4. #4
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    facing consequences

    Hi chopper and welcome.

    Sometimes it can seem nigh on impossible to cope with whatever life chucks at us without booze giving us a `helping` hand.........life can be oh so tough, seemingly cruel sometimes. But.........the longer I`ve remained sober the more I am convinced.........there is nothing at all in life that we cannot cope with when completely sober.

    Further, it really does feel good to know that we are strong enough to do `whatever` on our own, completely unaided, wihout being under the influence. Why resort to `Dutch courage`, when we have endless courage of our own?............

    Wishing you all the best,

    Star x

  5. #5
    Registered User. rubywillow's Avatar

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    facing consequences

    Chopper, you indeed have had a rough time of it. Are you ready yet? Do you want to make a plan? Do you have it in you to work for the life your 6 y/o deserves? I won't sugar-coat it. This will kill you. It may well destroy your family. It certainly will hurt your son. I'm sorry I can't say nice things, but there is nothing nice about alcoholism, only pain and death. It robs us of our dignity, our sanity, our health, or very life, and still we choose it. I hope you will want this enough to stay here, work for this. There are men here who have re-claimed their souls, and I have SEEN the changes, the joy in their children. We will be here every step if you're willing to take them. In a year, you can be changed beyond belief, happy, confident, thriving, or still a slave to a bottle. I pray you choose the first. We are not promised unlimited chances, so please, take this one. I'll be by your side if you want. You have to make the decision. Please make the right one.
    Rubes

  6. #6
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    facing consequences

    Thanks to everyone! day 8 today!
    Nearly day 9.
    I have done many things in my life but this is, without a shadow of a doubt, the [I]hardest[.
    Choppy x/I]

  7. #7
    Registered User. 1967's Avatar

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    facing consequences

    Day 8 is great chopper!
    A real accomplishment.

  8. #8
    Registered User. rubywillow's Avatar

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    facing consequences

    Chopper, EXCELLENT!!!!!!!

  9. #9
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    facing consequences

    Congrats to you, Chopper! Keep on keepin' on!

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