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Thread: Blackout queen

  1. #1
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    Blackout queen

    :new:

    I don't really know where to start. I'm 35 just about to turn 36. I'm fit I go to gym at least 3 times a week. I run. I'm training for a marathon. I've got 2 young kids. I don't drink every night, maybe 1 night in the week and then generally on weekends. I can go for 2/3 weeks even a month without drinking. The problem is that most times when I do drink I drink quickly and a lot ( 8/12 beers) and generally black out. I'm so tired of that feeling of dread and remorse when i wake up the next day and I'm not entirely sure of how the night ended, what did I say, did I offend anyone, checking my phone to see who I called? A few weeks ago I fell off low wall and to be honest I don't remember it just flashes of what happened after. There have been times when I'm able to manage my drinking and I'll only have 4 or 5 and I remember to eat and stop. But the times I don't are happening more often than I'm happy with. I try to be a good role model for my kids but I'm not doing so well in this area. Yesterday I went to a lunch with my kids and took 6 beers thinking I wouldn't drink them all but I got through them in about 3 hrs then I found 1 more in the fridge then moved onto a glass of wine (don't normally mix) remember the first few sips was all good till then? then nothing. Woke up on my couch at home. kids were thankfully in bed and in one piece. Apparently my friend followed us home in their car we live 5 mins away from each other. I'm feeling horrified, lost, sick and don't know what to do about it. I'm tired. Also scared to stop in a way. My husband and I drink together, our weekends often involve a lunch/supper with friends that involve drinking. I feel like I'm funnier and good for a laugh when I've had a few. Conversation flows, can make people laugh but I don't know at which point I black out. Often no-one even really notices that i have and are genuinely surprised when I say I can't remember a part of the night. I just want to be able to control the amount I drink and not black out but I'm feeling like I should quit altogether but not sure that I want to in my heart of hearts. i would love to hear your thoughts on what I'm feeling/going through/ trying to solve Thanks!!

  2. #2
    Registered User. mama bear's Avatar

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    Blackout queen

    zeeg - welcome to the family. I did the same thing, but much more often. I stoped for my family, but I have stayed stopped for me
    Join peeps over in the Newbies Nest...you'll get lots of support and make some new friends
    We ALL kow what you are feeling sweetie. You are NOT alone!

  3. #3
    Registered User. Rainyday's Avatar

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    Blackout queen

    You are "simply" "becoming" an alcoholic. Doesn't happen over night. For some it takes years to get to that point where it is the most miserable thing in your whole life. You will need to drink more. You will need to drink more nights. Do not "control" the amount you want to drink. I suggest you quit all together. Unless you are like the very few around here who claim they can moderate. Do it before you get too deep. If someone would have warned me, I would hope I would have listened. No one warned and here I am a prisoner.

    I wish I was at your stage in my addiction. I'm going to be 39 in November, and I've been heavily addicted since I started when I was in my teens.

    There is NOTHING good about alcohol.

    So how do you get conversation to flow easy when not drinking? I don't know. I wondered that last Friday night when I was sober and at my kid's school's bonfire and listened to normal women talk. I wish I could be like them. But I'm not. I'm quiet unless drunk. And now, I can't even get drunk and have conversations flow because I get crazy. I drink too fast and get drunk too quickly until I don't remember anything and wake up with my kids somehow in bed and often times my clothes off! And praying my husband and I didn't have sex on the living room floor!

    I really really really hope you take this advice!

  4. #4
    Registered User. K9Lover's Avatar

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    Blackout queen

    Hi Zeegs,

    Boy do I understand! I was blacking out 5-6 times a week (that might make ME the Queen! Believe me, it's not a title you want!). It seemed like it took less and less alcohol to get me to that point too...probably because the alcohol never really cleared my system, so I was just adding to it every night. Waking up and not knowing what I'd done or said was becoming TOO much. I physically and mentally could NOT do it anymore. I quit when drinking became harder than not drinking. Stocking up on beer and cigarettes, switching liquor stores, hiding my phone from myself so I wouldn't do anything stupid, waking up in the morning and looking around to see what I'd done...that was A LOT of work. Compare that to my evenings now...make dinner, take a shower, watch some TV, read a book...yeah, might seem boring, BUT it's safe and I'm not hurting myself or my daughter. And I'm happy. You can make the same choice. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? YES...without a doubt, I can 100% say that I've never regretted quitting. Please stick with us and come on over to the Newbies Nest.

    http://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...439-30074.html

    We're glad you're here!

    K9

  5. #5
    Registered User. Rainyday's Avatar

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    Blackout queen

    K9Lover;1382689 wrote: Compare that to my evenings now...make dinner, take a shower, watch some TV, read a book...yeah, might seem boring, BUT it's safe and I'm not hurting myself or my daughter. And I'm happy.
    I need to remember this. Think I will print this out!

  6. #6
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    Blackout queen

    Thanks everyone

    @Mama Bear Thank you for the welcome I'll definitely have a look at the Newbies nest.

    @Rainyday - You couldn't have said it better I do want to remember being a Mom and I want to enjoy a clear mind! Thank you so much for answering my post I really appreciate it. Lots to think about!!

    @K9Lover Thank you as well for reaching out to me. I agree it is a lot extra work and that sunken feeling the next day really isn't worth it. Your evenings actually sound great and you must feel wonderful the next morning. Well done! As I said to Rainy Day there's lots to think about.

    Thanks very much everyone :h

  7. #7
    Registered User. mama bear's Avatar

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    Blackout queen

    my evenings are pretty boring now. But at least my kids had a home cooked meal and my hubs isn't mad and the ironing is done!!

  8. #8
    Registered User. Rainyday's Avatar

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    Blackout queen

    Ironing?! Oh my... lol

  9. #9
    Registered User. mama bear's Avatar

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    Blackout queen

    I need to get a life don't I???

    lots and lots of cotton in my house....

  10. #10
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    Blackout queen

    hi zeegs and welcome. your story is very familiar to me. at 35 i was at the gym daily, cycling, going to yoga and now and again drinking.yes i drank more than others and often couldnt remember things. the drinking became more now than again and the exercise became less and less. roll on 10 years and i was drinking daily. blacking out all the time, rarely exercising and generally feeling crap.
    Its great that you are aware of how things are going bad and you can do something about it. alcoholism is a progressive disease and one things for sure, its not gonna get better.

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