Not exciting, but still My Life

[kuya]

Well done on your ten days.....rock on

[Overit44]

Roll Call

paulywogg;1430518 wrote: ........or it feels like countdown to nothing,this doesnt go away in 30 days or 30 years

Very well said. My point exactly.

Thank you.

[Overit44]

So, today is day 16. How do I feel? Amazing! I have been sleeping like Sleeping Beauty, and am just as lovely too. I do have some energy but could definately nap for a few hours a day if given the opportunity. My husband is proud of me but still drinking himself. Other than him, I haven't really been around much drinking opportunities. I just found out today that one of my favorite cousins died this last week due to liver failure caused by his drinking. Bummer, I didn't even know he drank. I finally made it to my early morning workout since I have quit drinking. Before this, I was just allowing myself to sleep. I really need to check out the vitamin issues. Other than that, I'm doing great. The thoughts of "just trying to moderate in the future" are filling my head so I am having to beat those down. There is no moderation in my future, I've proven that in the past. I just wish this weight would start falling off though. That as much as everything else was a plus I was looking forward to.

[Alcoholic]

awesome job, overit!

[Overit44]

So, the last day of 2012 and my 20th day AF. I am so happy. I sleep, I wake refreshed, I am calm, I am nice, I laugh with my Hubs again, he is so proud of me, I don't have any physical desire to drink. I just wonder in my head if this really is forever but I know it has to be. When I quit it was in desperation to change the horrible actions and thoughts I was having of myself. I was a complete hypocrit when it came to others. Just like when I quit smoking, it was just a matter of time before my secret was found out, so I took action. Just like when I quit other stuff, I was done, so fed up, tired of being completely lit by 6 pm and useless. It was time and I can hold my head high and smile at the sky. So thankful I was able to pull myself out of my own @ss before anything really bad happened.

Overit-So proud of you and keep it up. Talk to you soon.

[ThreeDogNight]

Happy New Year to you!! You've done really well getting twenty days, and it kind of gives you a head start for 2013

[pixie]

Hi Overit, I just read your story and wanted to congratulate you on your progress. Thank you for sharing your story.

Overit44;1435681 wrote: I just wonder in my head if this really is forever but I know it has to be.

That thought above will keep coming back, and as you get more days under your belt your brain will start to bargain with you - things like 'I really wasn't that bad' will creep in. Have a plan for when those thoughts occur. Don't let your brain trick you into thinking you should try having one or two. Lots of people here can tell you how that usually ends up. Best wishes!

And Happy New Year!

[Overit44]

Pixie-that's exactly why I wanted to get my story down on paper while the pain was still fresh. I want to be able to come back here and read what my thoughts were, and my conversations with my future self. I don't want to ever become numb and forget how horrible I felt. Time has a habit of doing that to us.

[Overit44]

DAY 30!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never dreamed I would be saying that AND be happy about it. What a relief. I feel great. I have no mental or physical cravings. Honestly, I haven't even thought about it except for the fact that I'm NOT drinking. Nothing is triggering cravings, not even my hubs drinking.

So, on day 28 I realized that my hand writing was legible. I had gotten to the point I was scribbling and it was very emberassing. I couldn't even read it half the time. When I went to sign my name, especially in front of people, it would take me a try or two. I had to physically will my hand to write.

On day 24, I re-visited with my DR. She is so proud of me. My BP has gone down and she said that I looked wonderful! She approved of the lower dosage that I am taking of the AB. She had prescribed 500 mg which is 2 of the 250 mg pills. 60 of those suckers (a 30 day supply) cost me $200! Since people had talked about taking 1 pill every 3 days or so, I decided to take 1/2 pill everyday. The "everyday" is mental, just taking the pill reminds me that I can't drink. So, this prescription should last me 4 months at this rate.

In saying all that, I have actually forgotten to take in on 3 nights. Only because I just don't even think about drinking anymore. But, I don't want to stop taking it and come to that 7th or 14th day that I should have it out of my system and think that I can try a drink, just to see what happens/how I feel.

So, because of thost reasons, I do not think that I am ready to stop taking the AB. I think I should just let it run it's 4 month course. Although I'm sure I won't drink and say that I will never ruin this quit, I have to be sure. It really is life or death.

I am starting to feel like the woman my husband fell in love with. Not much riles me. I'm more patient, calm, quiet, loving, empathetic, nicer, I smile at people, I'm interested in others, I laugh at his jokes instead of taking offense at everything, I just find that I enjoy being with him more and I think he is feeling the same way. He fell in love with the girl who drank maybe 2 a night and called it quits. Not the drunk who had 3-6 per night along with a pint of whiskey, passed out, cried, argued, got fat, burned meals, questioned his actions, was awake all night, failing at work, wrung out, selfish, tired and depressed.

I am so happy I started this journey. I plan to finish it!

[paulywogg]

congrats overit! youre doing so amazing and you sound awesome,im glad your marriage is getting stronger as you get healthier,you deserve it! keep it up girlie