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    1. #1
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      Mentium's Avatar

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      Never too late..

      I'm 65 years old and I have had a drinking problem since I was in my mid to late 20s.

      I'm an only child in a family that moved around a lot when I was a kid. I went to 14 schools in all and ended up shy and socially awkward, always keeping myself a bit aloof from others. I never made friends easily and still don't.

      In my college years I smoked a lot of dope. I was away from home my parents still living abroad and I developed what I now believe to be cannabis induced psychosis. It was relatively mild as the condition goes, but it resulted in a element of paranoia and a great deal of anxiety. The anxiety was at times completely crippling and left me curled up on a sofa my arms wrapped around me, trying to stop my anxious thoughts.

      I discovered that alcohol handled the anxiety pretty well. The mental anguish that came with the condition lasted into my early thirties, though thankfully the paranoia eased off after two or three monstrously difficult years.

      Despite all that I managed to get two degrees by the time I was 28 and later on an MA and then a further post grad qualification. I did OK with my chosen career and was successful, as these things are measured I suppose, reaching the top of my particular greasy pole by the end of my career one that ended five years ago as I applied for early retirement.

      I drank all thorough those years, which included two marriages and a third long term relationship, which I am in now. I had two children, both of who are grown up and doing well. I love them both and we are close, which is a blessing.

      I drank to relax and to suppress anxiety. And then of course I drank and still do because I am addicted to alcohol. As these things are measured the amount I drank was on the moderate side, as alcoholics go. Four cans of beer a night for many years and a bottle and a half of wine in later years. Whatever the amount it was alcoholic drinking- dependent drinking.

      I have tried to stop many times. I have had periods ranging from a year here, six months there and last year a further 10 months. To do this I used methods ranging from self control and will power, to counselling and several times AA, an organisation I ultimately grew to mistrust and dislike intensely, which is not to dismiss the help it has given many people.

      I don't know if I have it in me to quit for good using the resources I have in the past. I know I don't very much like or feel comfortable with the me the mental and internal me that emerges once I am sober for a while. Not my personality - I think I am kind and a decent human being. I am tolerant, forgiving and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. I have never had what AA refers to as 'resentments'. Alcohol however has made me weaker than I should be. Less tough when it counts than I should be. The 'me' that I don't like when I am sober for long periods is simply a rather tenser and more anxious person than I am when I drink. My whole 'self' tightens up ever so slightly and I never truly relax.

      A couple of months ago I stumbled upon Olivier Ameisen's The End of My Addiction. It was an eye opener to put it mildly. Not just his personal journey with baclofen, but his views about alcohol addiction as a condition more widely. However the hope that baclofen itself was potentially, and in his experience a 'cure' for his condition, one that he linked very clearly to his own anxious nature, offered hope for the first time since I started drinking again late last year, following the death of my father.

      I am currently building up my baclofen intake and it is at 70 mg a day. So I have a way to go I suspect. I am still drinking though there has been a decrease in the last few days.

      I'm glad to be here and I have hope. I have hope that it is never too late.

    2. Thanks abcowboy, idefineme thanked for this post
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    3. #2
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      Samstone's Avatar

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      hello Mentium
      glad you're here, wander on over to the Newbie Nest. I, too, drank many years and was able function till near the end, started getting way out of control. Pick up a copy of Allan Carr's "Easy Way To Stop Drinking". The more informed you are the better armed you are. If/when you you have a day of being alcohol free (AF), check in to the roll call thread, great way to start your day on a positive note.
      Be well
      Sam
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    5. #3
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      Hi and thank you for the welcome Samstone. For some reason I have found an initial 'home' in the baclofen advice required thread, but I will take a look at the Newbie thread. Thanks for the heads up.

      I know Allan Carr's book well. I used his book on stopping smoking to quit many years ago but sadly the same principles didn't quite click for me personally as regards booze.

      Thanks again for the welcome.

    6. #4
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      Hi Mentium welcome to you. I am glad you are here giving these resources that are on offer a go.

      I found my sobriety an happiness using the people and tools on these boards originally about 8 years ago. I did 6 years sober and happy. Then I got complacent and fell spectacularly off the wagon. My depression and insecurity returned and all the rubbish that comes with tortured thoughts.

      I hope you do have a look around the other threads too. There is so much invaluable advice and comfort to be found.

      Good luck on your journey and just remember you are not alone

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    8. #5
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      Mentium- good luck on your adventure and I hope it starts today. Your story and mine are very similar (right down to the long-ago pot and the four beers a night). I'm doing it-usually happily-and you can too! I've had to do it without bac (rough SEs), but it looks like you have bac as another tool in your toolbox. Go for it! Lex

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    10. #6
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      Quote Originally Posted by Mentium View Post
      I'm 65 years old and I have had a drinking problem since I was in my mid to late 20s.

      I'm an only child in a family that moved around a lot when I was a kid. I went to 14 schools in all and ended up shy and socially awkward, always keeping myself a bit aloof from others. I never made friends easily and still don't.


      In my college years I smoked a lot of dope. I was away from home – my parents still living abroad and I developed what I now believe to be cannabis induced psychosis. It was relatively mild as the condition goes, but it resulted in a element of paranoia and a great deal of anxiety. The anxiety was at times completely crippling and left me curled up on a sofa my arms wrapped around me, trying to stop my anxious thoughts.

      I discovered that alcohol handled the anxiety pretty well. The mental anguish that came with the condition lasted into my early thirties, though thankfully the paranoia eased off after two or three monstrously difficult years.

      Despite all that I managed to get two degrees by the time I was 28 and later on an MA and then a further post grad qualification. I did OK with my chosen career and was successful, as these things are measured I suppose, reaching the top of my particular greasy pole by the end of my career – one that ended five years ago as I applied for early retirement.

      I drank all thorough those years, which included two marriages and a third long term relationship, which I am in now. I had two children, both of who are grown up and doing well. I love them both and we are close, which is a blessing.

      I drank to relax and to suppress anxiety. And then of course I drank – and still do – because I am addicted to alcohol. As these things are measured the amount I drank was on the moderate side, as alcoholics go. Four cans of beer a night for many years and a bottle and a half of wine in later years. Whatever the amount it was alcoholic drinking- dependent drinking.

      I have tried to stop many times. I have had periods ranging from a year here, six months there and last year a further 10 months. To do this I used methods ranging from self control and will power, to counselling and several times AA, an organisation I ultimately grew to mistrust and dislike intensely, which is not to dismiss the help it has given many people.

      I don't know if I have it in me to quit for good using the resources I have in the past. I know I don't very much like or feel comfortable with the me – the mental and internal me that emerges once I am sober for a while. Not my personality - I think I am kind and a decent human being. I am tolerant, forgiving and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. I have never had what AA refers to as 'resentments'. Alcohol however has made me weaker than I should be. Less tough when it counts than I should be. The 'me' that I don't like when I am sober for long periods is simply a rather tenser and more anxious person than I am when I drink. My whole 'self' tightens up ever so slightly and I never truly relax.

      A couple of months ago I stumbled upon Olivier Ameisen's The End of My Addiction. It was an eye opener to put it mildly. Not just his personal journey with baclofen, but his views about alcohol addiction as a condition more widely. However the hope that baclofen itself was potentially, and in his experience a 'cure' for his condition, one that he linked very clearly to his own anxious nature, offered hope for the first time since I started drinking again late last year, following the death of my father.

      I am currently building up my baclofen intake and it is at 70 mg a day. So I have a way to go I suspect. I am still drinking though there has been a decrease in the last few days.

      I'm glad to be here and I have hope. I have hope that it is never too late.
      hello Mentium i really feel good and wonderful to read your story. It was a great time you spend with your love ones and your family as well as you children. and i am really happy to heard about your alcohol level is decrease now. That's nice. I also drink but i m not addicted but drinking is a good relaxation and you feel good to do it. Now its your golden days going and you alcohol level is decrease that's amazing. Now you spend your more time with your family rather than your drink lol. Just kidding
      May God bless you and live happy life

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    12. #7
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      Hello all. Just popping into this thread to thank people for their responses. This last 24 hours I hit 100 mg of baclofen. Very mild side effects including slightly tingly hands and very slight vision disturbance - a sort of sudden 'blinking' sensation, though it isn't me actually blinking... if that makes sense. Nothing particularly unpleasant though.

      Sadly the discussions about baclofen elsewhere on the forum are beset by 'forum wars', most of which seem to be down to one rather unpleasant and weirdly unhelpful guy. I for one could do with more in the way of discussion about baclofen and quitting. I'm avoiding those threads as I am trying to focus on my desire to stop drinking.

      I still am drinking and have not hit the 'switch' as yet. It is a tough target given that there is an element of faith involved. Still, quite a few people seem to have hit it here.

      Anyway take care all. Onwards!
      Last edited by Mentium; November 12th, 2015 at 02:26 AM.

    13. #8
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      Samstone's Avatar

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      Mentium
      I haven't understood the problem with the one person in the other mod thread. If a person is offensive, click on the person's avatar, once at that person's page, look under their picture and you'll see choices and one of them is ignore. Click it and you never see their posts again. Unfortunately I have had to do this with one or two folks who clearly are disruptive. If everyone chose do this on that thread then posts would not be seen, no response given, and I bet the person would quit posting.

      Hope you find your switch, best to you
      Sam
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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    15. #9
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      Hi - and thanks. The person in question is on 'ignore' thanks. Sadly he and his posts and responses are taking up most of the posts and distracting the conversation.

    16. #10
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      Yeah, I get it, the rest of those folks need to do the same, then it wouldn't be an issue.
      Liberated 5/11/2013

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