I want to stop

[shock_7689]

I've got a question for you @moon and @shock_7689. How did you find MWO?? We used to have new people join us regularly but now the site rarely seems to pop up in internet searches, which is so unfortunate because lives can really be changed for the better here. Anyway, I'm glad you came across the site!

through articles i was reading on qaura.

[Guitarista]

All I can think about is getting the next drink, and it is starting to really worry me. I actually thought I had this problem beat during the 3 years I was sober, but I guess once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Thanks for letting me vent.

Hi Shock. Welcome.

The obsession and cravings to alter our mental and emotional state will lessen more and more the longer we put between now and the last drink. For me the problem is my thinking, not drinking. I have had to learn how to live again. I've had to come to terms with past events, or current events that i don't like. There is some solid useful info around for times like these. Us humans have learnt a few things over the decades and centuries through trial and error.

Smart recovery, Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), 12 step programs (there is a solid code for living each day in the steps if one is lost in life), Buddhism (detachment - learning to let go of damaging useless thinking/thoughts). Online forums such as this one.

Go for it friend. You're worth it.

[shock_7689]

Has anyone taken kratom before, for long periods of time and more then 30g a day (leaf powder)? I was on that stuff for over a year. I stopped maybe 2.5 weeks ago because it was making me throw up daily and reeking havoc on my stomach and it got the point it wasn't working anymore. That is another thing I am trying to stop. I will admit, for a time it did curb my thoughts of drinking alcohol completely and put me in a chipper mood most of the time, only drinking coffee and tea throughout the day most of the time, until it stopped working and I was just taking it to feel normal again. It was making me lazy and isolated. I tried to ween down off it pretty rapidly, over 9 days or so and then just stopped. It has been 2.5 weeks and I still feel terrible. That is another reason why I decided to really tie one on over the past couple weeks. I did not drink anything yesterday, a small victory, but I am still pretty sick. The main reason I decided to stop taking it was because I caught some terrible virus and I thought what better time to quit. I was going to feel down right terrible from the virus, so I figured that I probably wouldn't even notice any wd symptoms from the kratom. I am pretty sure I am over the virus now (mostly), but I can definitely feel the wd from the kratom now. Don't get me wrong, if taken in moderation it can be beneficial if only taken for a few months maybe. But, just like anything else if abused it will eventually take its toll.

[4theboyz]

Hey there shock_7689 after reading your first 2 posts first I want to wish you all the best and as long as you keep trying you will find your way out of your addiction to alcohol. In your 2 posts you itemize many moments in your life that you list as substantial enough to justify a drink. The bad news is this part of life will never ever change and until you change your behaviors and approach to life on life's terms you will continue to step in these bear traps of life and find yourself reaching for beer to cope with these moments. The good news is you can find ways to cope with life's un-fun stressful moments without the crutch of booze or meds.

Incidentally just moments ago I noticed I have been a member here since Feb 2008 with a dozen day 1's at least and just over the weekend I celebrated 6 months sober. Why was this time different you ask? It may be too early to truly define what all was what made that difference in me being able to be sober for once but what I can share is what I did and have been doing different this time out. In the past I proved that I could string together many months of sobriety but for what ever reason I would find justification to have just one drink and in short order I was back at it. Each time my drinking escalated both in frequency and intensity. This last go-around was very bad for me physically and mentally and the toll on my mind and body was quite severe so in essence I really had to stop drinking or die. BUT! I did some very serious soul searching and asked myself why am I drinking so often and so much? The obvious answer was I was self-medicating and pretty much a no brainer there. What I didn't yet understand was why? I looked and looked and somehow someway I noticed one thing I had not explored and that was my anxiety. Drilling deeper I found correlations between anxiety, stress and addictions. Further self reflection I drew a potential connection between PTSD and my anxiety and need to drink/self-medicate. Long story short I feel I hit the nail on the head and went at becoming sober with both guns blazing. I enrolled in an outpatient addiction program and sought out a therapist who specialized in PTSD. Again the short version he had me review some God awful moments in my life and through focused techniques primarily EMDR which focuses on me using bi-lateral stimulation techniques to help me navigate my way through my stressors of my day. So far so good and I must say worked like a charm. Why this worked so well for me is it allows me to disarm my anxiety without meds when the moments demands I chill out. This also greatly I mean GREATLY decreased my desire to turn to booze and I will say without going down this road I question whether I would have made my 202 days sober so far. Also you will have to get very selfish with your recovery and sobriety and literally turn your back on people places and things that in anyway associated with your drinking. This is only necessary for the short haul and you can later ease your way back into the everyday activities. I wrote my own 12 steps which others in my outpatient program really responded quite positively to and I will share in my next post here. In the meantime...give this your all, don't cut corners and don't stop trying.

[4theboyz]

Foot note to my reply above...you do not have to have been to war to have PTSD and this comment in no way is meant to diminish the horrors of war our soldiers endured but open the door to discussions of trauma every human has the opportunity to experience that may someday demand therapeutic interventions. Here are my 12 steps I feel were paramount to me achieving over 6 months sobriety so far.

12 STEPS TO SOBRIETY AND ADDICTION RECOVERY


1) Seek Help
-Talk with your doctor and or health professional about quitting your addiction.
2) Get rid of it! ALL of it!
-All your preferred substance(s) and any and all substances that could substitute for the addictive substance. (Including over-the-counter and pet medications)
3) Do it for you!
-DO NOT quit just because someone tells you to…you MUST own this new chapter in your life and create an unwavering commitment to quitting for good.
4) Have Support
-A rock solid team of people you trust to support your recovery is crucial.
5) Avoid People, Places and Things that have are directly connected to your addiction.
-You must remove yourself from anything and anyone that could challenge your sobriety.
6) Exercise everyday.
-Cardio, yoga, Gym, go for a walk, bike, swim and stretching is wonderful.
7) Take it SLOW!!
-Slow down! Rushing through your day only invites anxiety. Do your tasks slowly and do them well. Slowing down invites calmness you so desperately need right now.
8) Just say NO!
-Not just to your drug(s) of choice but also to obligations and demands that could overwhelm you especially in the early days of recovery.
8) Learn to Substitute
-Almost everything and anything that was associated with your addiction can be substituted with healthier choices and positive thoughts.
9) Alone Time
-This step is very important. Take time to chill out and relax. Meditate and learn to manage your thoughts and emotions while spending some time by yourself.
10) Pamper Yourself.
-Hot Baths, Lotions and oils, new clothes and good grooming. Try a new cologne or perfume.
11) Hobbies
-Resume old hobbies and activities or even better try some new ones.
12) Go to meetings
-Group meetings, AA, one-on-ones with Therapist, clergy or trusted friends will be paramount to help you navigate the turbulent early days of recovery and also help in maintaining your sobriety in the long run.

[Guitarista]

Great posts 4 the boyz. Thank you. Congrat's on 6 mths +

How are you doing there Shock? No, i've never taken Kratom. Hope you're ok friend.