Newbies Nest

[See the Light]

[QUOTE=KENSHO;1571229]

STL, I am also a bit fascinated with brain chemistry & AL. I will say though, that researching it has been my downfall twice. I have researched enough to almost play into my addiction, as I start to focus on feeling "broken". This last weekend, I was so terrified that if I stopped drinking for good, I would be damned to a life of "low-dopamine". My question was - does the brain reset to normal once alcohol stops? Though I still wish I understood that better, the answer I arrived at was "It doesn't matter because I have to figure out how to live without AL anyway".

I mean absolutely no disrespect, just sharing my opinion that while it can be a tool to understanding, researching brain chemistry turned into a way for me to rationalize drinking TWICE - because "our brains need it", etc.

I am clinging more and more to LAV's philosophy that all we have to do is not drink and stay connected. I've found that I can analyze my way into "deserving" a drink pretty quickly!

QUOTE]

KENSHO- I am glad you pointed that out ...I have really no idea what you have experienced. I do care though...about everyone here. I'm certainly no expert, but I am trying hard to look for answers for me and for all of us. I've been hardened through life, especially through AL, and if I could take the difficult experiences away from anyone else here, even if I had to absorb it myself, I would do it in a heartbeat. No one here DESERVES the pain of alcoholism.. you or your loved ones. I hope MWO, AA or whatever can make progress in some way so that less pain is out there ..and we all live more loving, happy, positive and productive lives.

[MossRose]

j-vo - I've been gone for a while due to family issues, so I've missed so much. Sorry to hear you are struggling. Right by your side every step of the way. You've supported me so many times in the past. I only hope I can repay your kindness now. Lean on us, my friend. You can do this. :hug:

[little beagle]

Guitarista you just explained what I was thinking. The only way out is through.
J-vo I came home and ate out of the cereal box and napped on the sofa. Being tired can take it out of you. Please be kind to yourself. you are struggling with a very large issue and doing the best you can. You are here!!!!

[Yogamom]

Good night all. Dead tired and falling into bed.......sober!!!!

[Eloise]

Hi Jvo, its been a while you have heard from me. All this website changing has kept me away. I am so sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Your job certainly could make things worse. I found parents to have this unrealistic view of a teachers role.
I was so burnt out on needy people when I left my art teacher role in a school.
I also left with the knowledge that I just could not meet everyones expectations and needs and remain sane.
I dont know if a year sebatical is possible in your school? Not now, obviously but maybe something to think about? Hang tight, good thoughts coming your way!x

[okoren1]

Okoren, this is all I could find, it's from the American Bar Association website...

Relapse is the return to alcohol or drug use after an individual acknowledges the presence of addictive disease, recognizes the need for total abstinence, and makes a decision to maintain sobriety with the assistance of a recovery program. According to a survey of members of AA, 75 percent experience a relapse during their first year of recovery. For those who are sober five years, the rate drops to 7 percent. People who successfully complete a formal treatment program such as a 28-day inpatient program or an intensive outpatient program have significantly higher recovery rates than those who do not.

AB- thanks this is the kind of data I was hoping to get. And it sounds really promising.

Based on the stories we hear around here, unfortunately the 75% relapse rate in the first year, sounds like it could be pretty true.

What that says to me... Focus like a laser beam for the first 12 months...don't get cocky, during the pink cloud era... and stay vigilantly here on MWO for that crucial 12 month period. According to these numbers that is the most critical time period.

And then, don't let up after that (obviously) because avoiding that 7% relapse rate you mentioned after 5 years, is the prize!! 93% of the abstainers stay that way after 5 years!!! That is really terrific news... only 7 people out of 100 later drop the ball. Those 7 are the tragic and notable ones that we occasionally hear about, that later fall off the wagon. But it's so good to hear that they are indeed the relatively tiny exceptions. I was hoping and anticipating that this would be the case.

This now give, at least me, a good 5 year perspective and plan. I wasn't exactly sure when some form of victory could be expected, now I have an idea. Of course, we all know that we will need to be diligent for the rest of our lives.

But the pacing and efforts was what I was hoping to learn from these numbers. I am very much into long distance endurance athletics. And I know that in order to compete effectively in a 4 or 5 hour bike race, I need to know when I have to pour on the coals and when I can take a bit of a breather. I have run plenty of marathons and I know that to finish I cant' do 7 minute miles forever- so some parts of the race I am doing 9 minute miles others 6 minute miles. Now I have some context.

Thanks again for digging up this data.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

More food for thought today.

About the brain: I have heard the same analogy about the brain plugging its ears from being overwhelmed with dopamine, and I also have heard (I thing heard is the right word, because it is from the Bubble Hour with Dr. John Kelly) that the key to healing is continuous abstinence (going back to what Byrdie said earlier). Therefore, it is in our best interest to remain abstinent for consecutive days. Duh. But...

Relapse: Relapse is known to be a part of recovery. That's why it was so very hard for me when I first joined here and saw a couple of long timers (relative to me at the time - 5 months, 11 months) relapse. It freaked me out because that, coupled with the numbers, indicated to me that I had a high likelihood of relapse, and I REALLY didn't want that. I reached out to some wise nest moms who put it in perspective for me - just because others drank, didn't mean I was going to. I could continue to work at my own sobriety, focusing on what I need to do to not drink no matter what. So far so good.

I also feel like it is hard for me to react when people drink. I am a nurturer by nature, so I want to open my arms and hug and make everyone feel good. On the other hand, I don't want to say "it's ok if you drank," because it is not ok. It sucks that you drank, and I'm pissed. But not at the drinker, at the situation, because relapse is part of the process. And there I am back in the cycle.

So I cling to that 30% of people who DON'T relapse, and I believe that I am one of them. That makes my sobriety about me, and not about everyone else. I educate myself, surround myself with supporters of my sobriety, and work on ways to "go through" as G put it, rather than numbing myself. I honestly accept that I can't drink again, and I am truly grateful for the opportunity to live an honest, healthy life as an active participant with my family and friends.

Rock on, Nesters.

xo
Pav

[Pavati]

And here you go, STL:

[available]

Hello everyone. Well i am getting over not having enough hours in the day. I never thought i would say that but being sober is just great and as time goes on it only gets better.

Relapse, well i had those thoughts but at the end of the day i cant dwell on statistics or anything like that, i just have to keep doing what i am doing. I still take each day as it comes with determination that i wont drink, i wont overload myself with life, i take what is thrown at me during the day and if i feel it will overwhelm me or stress me out, i wont do it, i walk away to face it at another time. I have a friend with cancer who is very sick and i know the next 6 weeks will be emotional and stressful but i will face that when it comes, for now i am having "me" time in that regard. If work gets too much now, i step away for 5 minutes. If the children annoy me i go for a walk or knit and i have learnt to say "no". This is my time, my healing and my journey. As Pav said she is her priority and i totally 100% agree.

I ran into my sons counsellor today and i remember taking Liam to see him for his ice addiction praying that Liam would not say a word to him about my drinking and here i was telling him i was nearly 11 months sober. Sadly his ex wife is in rehab and has been for three months now. He has 3 little children and working full time. He said that her al addiction has cost so much to everyone and that his 10 year old said after a visit to his mother that she had not changed. As I said to him, only she can stop drinking, we can lead a horse to water but we cant make it drink as the saying goes. He was sad and as a drug and al counsellor i could imagine he feels he has failed. He congratulated me on my achievement and i drove home thinking to myself "why did i even tell him"? Because i am proud of my achievement and at the end of the day its not easy to be sober. I am not ashamed of what i am anymore.

[Guitarista]

G'day Ava and y'all,

I agree our 'Me' time is crucial in this caper Ava. I hope your friend is as comfortable as possible during this rough time. And continue to take care of you. Counsellor sounds like he's going through a tough time too.

Here's an 18 minute vid i discovered. A couple of U.K. birds in recovery (A nurse and a counsellor). The topic is psychological and physical dependence on AL. Some interesting stuff covered. The technical quality of their skype convo isn't great, but i think some will find it of interest.

Take it easy out there. G

http://ahangoverfreelife.com/category/emotional/

[little beagle]

One problem I believe many of us have in common is learning HOW to take me time. How to nurture ourselves. We are great wives and mothers, children, sisters, brothers. But we put ourselves last. At least I did for a long time. NOt so anymore. If I need time or something done I have learned to become the squeaky wheel.
And I so agree with you Pav. All we can do is fo on our own sobriety and by doing so help others. Give ideas how to get through difficult situations. Show strength in times of temptation. I guess what I'm trying to say is lead by example.

[abcowboy]

^^^^ Husbands aren't included lb? Just kidding!!

[See the Light]

J-vo- Sorry to hear that as well. I agree, even when not drinking, life is not all unicorns and rainbows. Not to get all scientific again, but I really believe some of what I was going through in the last few weeks was chemical brain related. I had recently stopped taking (because I ran out and was too busy to replace) the B-complex vitamins I had been taking since I quit drinking (actually a little bit before) more than 12 weeks ago. I think they are helpful and I feel better in the last day or since taking them again. Not a cure all, but one more thing I think helps…take care


What's the relationship between vitamin B-12 and depression?

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/vitamin-b12-and-depression/faq-20058077

[Yogamom]

Good hangover free rainy messy morning! Thanks for all the links and videos, I love them. Got a busy day ahead. A bit a test this weekend. A business trip. When I am mad at dh it is a perfect opportunity to say fu and have some drinks because I deserve it after all! Don't I? LOL. Thank you all for keeping me here and honest. Day 4. Awesome.

[KENSHO]

I went to bed early last night - felt wonderful.

I think that being on this site raises the chances of success - I'm not sure if there were studies on relapse on MWO? But there's a special recipe here. I'm really glad to be here.

I know I put my foot in my mouth at times and don't word things well. I truly hope that each person here does what works best for them. We all need different motivation and tools along the way.

Ava, I loved your story. Way to be proud. A bunch of things I read gave me chills this morning and I can't state strongly enough how grateful I am for finding this site and being able to participate.

I have been feeling pretty positive the last few days. Last night the thought of a drink popped into my head - but I quickly squashed it by taking a drive with my son, who was really needing some mom time. I was kind of a sucky mom while drinking. I wish I could get that time back. I find my kids fascinating and brilliant and so wonderful - I need to connect with them and laugh with them more often.

Historically, day 5 has been hard, so I'm ready for challenges ahead. But All I have to do is not drink today - because it is not my path. I've learned that and fully believe it now.

I hope everyone finds a way to have a laugh today and connect with someone special. I'm thankful for you all!