Sorry this is so long. I hope that many will take time to read & give me feedback.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Trying to detach from my son I just can't do it. The Physiologist said It best for my health and continue with my life. It has really taken a toll on my life. I want my happy back... It will be gone till my son finds sobriety. My health has gone down hill rapidly in the past few years. The stress is hard to live with knowing my son is suffering in so many horrible inconceivable ways. How can I continue my life without my son?

Can there ever be anything left other than HOPE that I will ever see my son sober again?Its been so long!

Alcoholism is not a choice it is a Disease. Many have had this addiction in As usual a alcoholic child is always blamed on the parent. Unless others have been thru it. As many here have. They could not possibly get it or show the slightest concern. Society blames the alcoholic for the addiction and they are socially castrated. Because most beleive they are weak and cannot put the drink down that is so far from the truth. My children all grew up in the same home and the is an addictive character disorder. There is no shame in addiction. The only time there is shame is when sobriety is found and thrown away . No one would ever choose to live in that much pain in the depths of madness and addiction. It's the no.1 disease in the world. Thousands die every day from the effects of alcohol in the US .

My son was in a coma woke up three weeks later from life support. HOW strong is addiction? The first thing he wrote down was he wanted out to get a drink. Mind blowing he didn't know how or why he was in ICU. Two more weeks in recovery learning to breathe after a serious lung infection almost killed him. All he could think about after given a second chance at life was when is he going to get out of the hospital and get a drink..

This is how he ended up in the hospital. The women he lived with and her children wanted him to leave and he wouldn't.He passed out where he lived and then he was drenched in so much bleach that the police on the call had to call the fire dept. to clear house and the area with wear oxygen masks before my son could be released to the ambulance. On the police report it was noted that the bleach smell was prevalent over a block away. The neighbors were cleared from the area. This is drama to the max! This was my beautiful, kind,loving son..someone tried to kill him & now with years of alcohol abuse suffers profoundly from mental illness. Believe it or not it was the 13 yr old daughter. After he recovered he was going to marry this woman who was a nurse.he didn't. But that's his survival, living with broken women and they get worse and worse down the food chain.

Alcohol is an addiction thru constant cravings in the brain & body.( Sigatoka & carbs) It is not not a choice there is a big difference. It's not like choosing a piece of cake vs a salad..eat what's better for you.. Please google pictures of the alcoholic brain vs a normal brain.. It's all there in living color. The mind of an alcoholic is driven and controlled by craving transmitters.

Alcohol is classified as a mind altering drug. The health system has got to change the treatment system for addictions. Many large companies can send their workers into rehab long term thru group insurance coverage. That's a start. The rest of the insurance & health coverage needs work for those adults with addictions with no coverage, before the disease causes serious medical condition costing tens of thousands of dollars more to treat.

I believe it is a disorder complicated with the health / diet of people with alcohol problems. I think it is complicated by the 'chicken and egg' type question. Which came first? The nutrient deficiencies or the alcohol? A similar complication exists with mental health problems. Is it a physiological change in the brain, or is it a reaction to environmental circumstances which leads to mental health disorder? I'm been trying to understand addiction for a long time.

Not everyone becomes alcohol dependent for the same reasons. There is no shame to be dependent on alcohol. There is shame if sobriety is found & thrown away.

The hospital had my son on a do not resuscitate order. Why was he on DONOT resuscitate, is the question no one at the hospital had the answer a nurse was fired & nothing's in his med records giving consent. My son is at the bottom of the bottom. Destitute & no where to turn for help. The do not resuscitate order was changed immediately by my authority. He is not better off dead as some my think. He is a beautiful young man with an addiction. He is treated worse that a dog by society. I have seen a dog picked up off the streets given luv food and a safe place to sleep. My son is never given what a stray dog receives, he is the, "town drunk", & treated with zero respect by the police, beat by them, and treated poorly by the medical profession alcohol treatments centers and society in general .... and that is where the disgrace begins and ends. They see the drunk not the human being behind the addiction.

I was thinking about who my son used to be before alcoholism took over 20 yrs. ago and counting. I have read how many of you found sobriety and are so grateful for easy sober day. One day at a time.

This is what I heard in my heart & Im going to offer it to u..I heard that a absent son enslaves his parents soul to sorrow & suffering with questions we'll never get answers.
I have felt that for years. I will never abandon my son. We feel a horrible detachment from our child. We are no longer in his life in any way. As many of you have had been so loved and UR family helped you find sobriety. It has now been that way in this case. I am very proud of all of u who found sobriety and count UR blessings and are so grateful to feel the freedom from alcohol every day. I read UR testimonials they give me hope and make me smile just knowing that many of u will have a life.

There is no TRY there is only DO or DON'T DO'S. The pain that sent me thru the roof opened my eyes. I realized that I was all my son had and yet I could not be there for him any longer. Our family has splintered & I was the one who never gave up and never betrayed him as I was by him over & over. I have no regrets with my choice.now. At least I had a choice my son does not.

Thru a broken heart I want to tell u what I feel. I am so full of grief & guilt yet I know I have forgiven my son & myself. I am still a work in progress. He is still a work in progress. I may never see my son again before he or I die. I want him to know that I never left his side. I always had faith in him and I always believed in his strength. I left him this Forum for him to read , hoping he will join and find sobriety.

What I missed from my son I had lost from him years ago and missed out on all the XYZ's of life with him...parents normally celebrate different lifetime achievements we had none.

The biggest thing now, We can never trust him with our hearts ever gain.. Now all the horrid details affirms betrayal thru addiction. Our work is not done We will always be waiting for his soul to heal. It's a work in progress as sobriety is a fog in the distance. Waiting for him to cross the bridge to sobriety.

I could tell u how many years We tried to help my son. I could tell u all the professional help we found .
I could tell u how many times he relapsed.
I could tell u no matter what we will always luv him.
I could make a long story short fast foreword 20 years.. his is a black out alcoholic.
I could tell u he has been in jail over 20 times.
I could tell u he lives on the streets.
I could tell u someone poured bleach over him while he was passed out to kill him.
I could tell u it killed us to see him on life support.
I could tell u he was given a 2nd chance at life.
I can tell u that he threw it down the drain for a drink, after surviving.
I can tell u how broken our heart is for him.
I can tell u how much we love him no matter what..
I can tell u life is a gift! He has made life hell! Yet he still tries to find sobriety. Never for very long.
I can tell u he's been on medications to stop the cravings.
I can tell u the police have beat him on many occasions for no reason.

I wrote the above for other alcoholics of families to read how the spiraling down of alcohol addiction can take not just the alcoholic but destroy his whole family & all those who love them. It's ugly & evil not most people could not even imagine the horror of it all. The cravings take over the alcoholics soul. A parents love craves the life of their child, and the child craves the life of the drink.
Our hearts are broken I know that our son is one who just cannot find sobriety. We love him no matter what .

[Yogamom]

You sound like you love your son so much. I am sorry you are suffering so much.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

You sound like you love your son so much. I am sorry you are suffering so much.

Love is never enough for a alcoholic. Thank you , u r so right I LOVE this young man more than life itself. If I could I would trade places with him in a NY minute.

I'm so lost but the pain is his I cannot change that.. We his family r left living. With all the thing he could gave been.

Life is a Gift !

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

I HOPE TO HEAR FROM OTHERS... Not only families of al. But from those who suffer from AL.

I TRY TO HELP,AS MANY AS I CAN . I want to hear more from those families and friends here who,suffer from Al and those who have found sobriety.

I understand so much more about alcoholism addiction and the disease is starting to get more and more attention.

More die every day from AL RELATED DISEASES.

LIFE IS A GIFT SO IS SOBRIETY. there is no,shame is addiction. The shame is finding sobriety and throwing it away.

Luv all my new friends and hope to hear from many more.

[j-vo]

Shades,
I'm sorry you have gone through hell with this addiciton and your son. It's so very sad. We know how much our children mean to us. We would die for them if they could have a better life. I'll be praying for you and your family.

[available]

Idaho, what a sad but moving story. My mother went through the same thing with my brother and i was part of the horror story of his al addiction. He died from organ failure after many many years of al abuse. He had taken everything from us but that was his addiction. I did not understand then the power of al but as the years moved on and i became addicted like him now i understood his frustration, his anger, his shame and his sorrow of not being able to stop. He always had a woman that was dependent on him as much as they were to him. He abused them, he hit them but they never seemed to leave. That part of his addiction i found unforgiveble to hurt another person by violence. He was was never violent before al took hold of him. He was a beautiful soul, he was my brother, there was just him and i against the world till al entered and took him from me. He died ostracised from his family, his choice sadly. So many "if only's". I could have done more, i could have been there, i could have............ but i didnt. I had a young family at the time.

I held a lot of anger and bitterness for my brother Andrew doing what he did but only now do i realise the power of addiction, it happened to me, slowly over time. I am one of the lucky survivors, sadly he was not.

I feel your pain idaho and there is no answer to what you live with except your son deciding to be sober and by the sounds of it he has not truly made that choice yet.

I plan to break the cycle of addiction in our family, i see my 21 year old heading in exactly the same direction as myself and my brother. We have talked and talked and i am happy to say he is doing well in sobriety. He drinks with friends occasionally and never alone. I am the first to pounce on him and tell him i am worried. I try and instill in him the benefits of not drinking and i am a living (thank god) example of sobriety.

I truly hope he finds his way out. Andrew did not and he died when he was 46 with so much life to give and to offer.

[Alky]

I can completely relate to your frustration on a personal level. Several years ago, while passed out from drinking, I began to choke on my vomit. My wife called 911 and the paramedics, along with the police, showed up. I have no idea why the police were needed on a medical call, but in my condition (my BAC was later determined to be above .5) I began to flail. The policeman brutally beat me and then transported me to the emergency room at the local hospital where I was handcuffed to a gurney and given no medical attention whatsoever. Had this not taken place in a small town, I would have sued the police, such were the extent of my injuries from the beating, but the potential embarrassment outweighed my need to make a point.

As Yogamom pointed out, it's clear you love your son. But the line between love and enabling is often blurred. Making his life comfortable (though it seems like the right thing to do) may just be enabling him to continue drinking. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but it's something my own family had to come to terms with. I finally "got" the message loud and clear when my wife did not intercede and allowed the police to involuntarily commit me to a psychiatric facility.

[MossRose]

Shades - I posted a long rambling reply to this post, and I know you read it. I deleted it for personal reasons, but appreciated your PM. I am so sorry for what you are going through. As I said in my original post, I have watched my parents go through hell trying to help my brother. But nothing works. Like Ava, I didn't really understand why my brother did what he did until I became addicted to alcohol myself. I can only imagine how painful it must be for you. I am a mother too. And if it were one of my sons, I would be bereft. Take care of yourself, Shades.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Hello ALKY,

I am very sorry to hear that u were beaten by the police. That's what happens to my son & it happens more than most imagine. He is in a small town too, has mental issues and PTSD from so many years of drinking.
All the cops see is the drinker they don't drug see the drink addiction the mental illness and the brutality is common. They know they can get away with it cuz the cops all stand together and most alky's can't afford a attorney or will the DA won't take the case against the cops. After all,this is an alcoholic not a,member of accepted society.
It's a crazy justice system . My son has spent half his life in jail been beaten by prisoners and cops and not received medical attention treated like a dog. And had serious life long injuries from it. In fact I have seen stray dogs on the streets receive better care than a alcoholic .

Until society and the medical profession accepts that alcoholism is a disease and has anxiety and mental issues combined, it will never be a disease with respect or given the proper care. It's a disease where most public workers are stupid and uneducated about the drug and addiction. No one in there right mind would ever want to live in as much pain as alkies do.

I'm just one mom trying to reach other to stop the craziness. Maybe my story will help someone.

THANKX for taking the time to read my sons story .

Hope u r well.. Again I am very sorry that u were treated so poorly.

SHADES.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Hi MossRose,

I did read UR reply before deleted and I truly appreciate you sharing UR story with me.

I am so happy u found sobriety. This is what gives me hope for many other like my son. I have given him this forum as a tool to help him. He has w ankle bracelet for drinking out on probation. Last time this turned into a disaster. He swears this time he will quit.

I hope he finds his way here soon. The addiction always seems to wrangle,him back. Each tim is worse than the last. I try to be positive and give him credit for the good times.
He has spent half his life in jail... It not what I imagined for his future.

THANKX so much for UR kind words they mean so much!
Shades.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Available,

Thank u so much for UR reply. I am sorry to hear u have had the same issues & UR brother. So sad to hear of his death. My heartfelt sympathies goes out to you and UR family. I hope that you are given all that sustains you on this journey and the many challenges ahead .

My son is in the later stages of kidney disease. Every time the phone rings I jump a mile and shake... It's turned into a phone phobia for me I can't talk on phones.

When it continues to get so bad, so outta control every incident each time I think it can't get much worse. It some how does and brings great tragedy and pain to the whole family not just the addicted alcoholic who once he becomes sober has mixed emotions about what has happened and feels like a loser and ends up right back in the same madness . Over & over!

I am so happy to hear u broke the cycle and will continue to with UR son.
It is heart breaking & I know u and UR mother have suffered too! There is no answer to the depths of despair we feel when we lose a child or a brother to alcohol, we just continue our lives the best we can. Always knowing deep down in our hearts that the addiction can and does take beautiful people from our lives every day. They were wonderful & beautiful young men before the addiction. Even though they lived in a world of madness we knew who they were before the addiction.

Take care and maybe some day you can tell me your story , how you found sobriety. I would love to read UR transition to sobriety.

Kind Regards.
Shades

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

I don't suffer as much as my son. I know the difference. His pain and my pain are so very different yet pain come is all shapes and sizes. Thank u so much for taking the time to read my story.
Maybe some day u will share yours with me.

I hope to get to know u better and be friends.

Shades.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Hello J-vo,

Thank u for UR reply. It means so much to me. I am truly blesses to have so many caring understanding and prayerful,friends.

Hopefully u can share UR story with me some time. I am hoping to see things thru different eyes.
THANKX again for UR kind &'thoughtful reply. U know it is so true when our children hurt we hurt along with them. I let go of it and forgave him years ago.
I am not supporting him in any way. He needs to find a way to take care of himself some day. He uses divorced women and they use him.,it always ends badly. It's a pattern only he has the power to control.

"Help other people to cope with their problems and your own will be easier to cope with."
Life is a Gift !
SHADES

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

I pray my son swill live theu the holidays. He has been theu so much abuse by police, friends and girlfriend and her children have all beat him. Now that he has remodeled the girlfriends kitchen and living room and relandscaped her backyard,they all have torn up his hard wipork.,this was his life before alcohol.mconstruction. Imagine installing new granite counter tops and cabinents and the teen kids tear them up.
I can't imagine how abusive it must be living with that kind of hate. Considering this was the only choice he had to live with a al drinker who can stop she's a nurse make agog money and treats my son so abusivly. It's so sad

Just a up date he is still drinking and still living in a so much abuse and pain. It makes me so sick physically that there is nothing I can do.

[Guitarista]

Hi Shades.

I am sorry to hear of your sons troubles. He sounds like a good man. I just want to say my thoughts are with you and him, and I wish for peace to enter your lives very soon.

Take care of yourself friend. G