Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

[sheshe]

Hi everyone. Damn - I was doing so well, but it seems I'm slipping back into my old habits - day on, day off to recover, day on, day off to recover. I did change the way I was taking the supps, because I was just so tired, so tried to take them at night rather than in the morning, AND stopped the hypno CD's, WHY? I really think those CD's helped tremendously. Anyway - gonna have to go AF again for a bit, and definately find the time to listen to the CD's. I WILL NOT go back to that life!

Boy am I mad at myself!

[idiot_wind]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

A day on and a day off is better than all days on, is all I can say...

Gotta start somewhere..

Be happy you have started..

I am 2 days off and one day on and happy not to be drinking everyday...

It took me years and years to develop a drinking problem, I realize I cant fix it overnight...

All the best..

David xxx

[idiot_wind]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Mind you, it depends how big your "Days On" are I suppose...

I'm not drinking enough to feel ill the next day on my days on...

[sheshe]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Oh no - my days on are ON! To the point of blackout most times the last couple of years. I simply cannot do that. One good thing, though, is that through this site I've begun to be able to face it without the paralyzing guilt and shame - I think that those two emotions are completely counter productive and do NOTHING to help one overcome the problem. Now I can say "Whoooaa" - gotta buckle down and do the work, rather than "God what a miserable excuse for a human being I am" "I'm a loser", blah blah blah!

[Doggygirl]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Hi sheshe. Sorry the old habits are creeping up on you. I too am struggling to get into a solid routine and habit with the CD's. I do the sleep learning every night, but am a little hit and miss with the rest. I truly believe I feel a difference between "hitting" and "missing." I hope getting back to the basics is helpful!! I would love to hear your feedback when you do get back in full swing with the CD's - whether you feel it makes a difference, etc.

Idiot Wind (ummm....where'd you get that screen name? ) Sounds like you are doing good with mods. My hat (and shoes and some other stuff) is off to you and all successful moderators. I WISH I could do it but I don't think it's in my cards. Dang.

Best wishes,

DG
Day 8 AF********

[idiot_wind]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Yes...The hangover I can deal with...

But the feeling of guilt and shame and anxiety and disgust at myself for being a total idiot and getting shitfaced "AGAIN" is what is enabling me to start cutting down my very out of control drinking...

I am only about 5 weeks in and have cut my drinking in half...

But still seemed to need to get drunk once every few weeks, so I can wake up , kick myself in the arse and remind myself how crap what I am doing is...

David xxx

[idiot_wind]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Idiot_ Wind?

The Wind is an Idiot....Blows stuff all over the place for no reason...

Sound familiar?

David x

[buffy]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Hi Sheshe, I am having a problem moderating too. I have every intention to have just a few glasses of wine and then say, what the **** and over do it. It is a concious decision when I make it, and can remember doing it, but then feel so bad in the morning and wish I had chosen not to drink at all. It just feels so good at the time and I don't care. I have deciced to start logging in on the drink tracker again, it helped the last time. I just found out a friend of mine, only 30 has liver problems due to drinking. His eyes are yellow. I asked if he was going to quit drinking, but he told me no. I am in my 40's and told him he wouldn't live too long if he kept it up, but said he didn't want to live long anyway! I was shocked....alcohol can't be that important that we would die for it. I want to live, maybe it is a wake up call for me. I am on day 3 again.....good luck to us all. Buffy

[Doggygirl]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Congratulations on Day 3 Buffy!! Doesn't it feel good? I love the drink tracker too. I like claiming my "gold star" every day. (yes, I am in touch with my inner child)

DG
Day 8 AF********

[idiot_wind]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Hi Doggy Girl and Buffy

Do you log into drink tracker when you been drunk the night before or just when you are doing well?

Seems like a lot of abstaining and one or two drinks on there..

David xxx

[paula]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Hi Sheshe,
I tried moderating, I'm ok for a while then suddenly I don't know when to stop, so mods
is not for me, it has to be all or nothing. I started on topa as recommended in mwo book
and took it for a few months, I still take L glutamine and kudzu, and I haven't had a drink
for 5 months. It has been very hard but so rewarding. If I can do it after drinking for years
anybody can. There is no quick easy answer, but sharing on these boards has helped me
so much, people understand and do not judge, which to me is a great comfort.
I wish you well. Paula.

[sheshe]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Buffy - I, too, make the decision consciously! What's up with that?

idiot-wind, I actually put all of my drinks on the drink tracker (when I do it )! But the problem is that sometimes I just don't know how many I drank - thus the "??"s.

I don't know if I'll be able to mod - but going completely AF will be terribly difficult - as my husband likes his drinks and wants me to be able to drink with him!

[WaitingToExhale]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

I was on a roll with the drick tracker .. way back when.

It has been months since I have been here and all of my bad habits are back with a roar. I am hating life! The depression is becoming overwhelming and I KNOW it is because of the drinking.

Back on the supps as of this morning. Thanks for the reminder on the CDs ... will start that again tonight.

I have GOT to get this under control ... my life is slipping away and every morning I say "no! today you will control this" ... a few hours later I am walking to the frig saying "here I go again" ... GRRRRRR

We CAN do this! Strength to all of us

Waiting

[Butterflybe]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

Sheshe, don't be mad with yourself. You are not back to square one, you are back here, in the knowledge you have done well before and you will be able to do it again. That is a few steps ahead of when you first came here surely. One step at a time.
Butterfly

[sheshe]

Well cr@p!! Back to square one!

I think the drink tracker is a great tool if you DO IT! I can see where I'm starting to fall back into the old pattern now when I look at it.

Speaking of the cd's - both my husband and son (5) are home today so the clearing and hypno are OUT! But I CAN at least put the subliminal in while I'm trying to work! I will do that right now!

We can do this! I was doing really well for 2 months, so I know it's possibe.