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beatle
August 7th, 2007, 03:06 PM
just thought I'd test this new forum... you know, see if anyone answers right away.
Although, the truth is, I'm not doing so good, so this is no joke.
Had a couple almost AF days and then fell down a bit today. Not too bad, but I sure feel awful about it.

Accountable for Me
August 7th, 2007, 03:30 PM
Sorry Beatle I see you are offline now. I was eating Kraft Mac and Cheese (Spirals - yum) or else I would of posted sooner.

My advice to you would be to stop drinking and go make some tea or coffee. No matter how many times you may succumb to this horrible affliction - you have to pick yourself up and carry on. I, for one, tried so many times in the beginning (last summer). I would get 2 days AF and then drink for 3. It sucks. But practice and determination will get you there. A kid doesn't learn how to walk or ride a two-wheeler in one day. How long did it take that ol' bugger Noah to build his Ark? You are human.

Do you live alone? Do you work outside of the home? Loneliness is your worst enemy when doing this. I am just asking because there are a lot of us that spend/have spent way too much time alone, which makes it more difficult. I know this site occupies a lot of time for all of us, but when we have to walk away from the screen we need to fill the time with healthy stuff.

I find you very intelligent and fascinating. You have a lot to gain by not drinking as you know. Please keep reaching out to us. Please dump the poison down the drain. You deserve better. :l :l :l

Accountable for Me
August 7th, 2007, 03:30 PM
Oh you are back online. Good. Please dump the alcohol and make a tea or something?

beatle
August 7th, 2007, 03:37 PM
heh he, have not dumped it, but no more tonight. when I decide, I decide. NO MORE.

And really, compared to previous times, this was a minor blip.

It's just that I want AF so bad. I know that is what is right for me. So a couple drinks (ok 3)-- that's failure for me, you know?

Tomorrow-- no failure. (You keep me to it, ok?)

Out with poison-- in with health.

Accountable for Me
August 7th, 2007, 03:47 PM
Good for you. I know exactly what you mean. 3 isn't bad at all, just disappointed in yourself. I have recently been there. Understand completely. You just keep at er'!

amethyst
August 7th, 2007, 03:49 PM
Keep at it Beatle. Accountable is right. Pour it out, and make some tea or coffe. You said you keep having 2 af days then wham. Well 1st of all, those are 2 AF days!!! That is a good thing. Are there triggers that set you up on the other days? A pattern you can identify? Every day is part of the process as long as we are trying. We are learning and trying, and hopefully improving! Good luck!

beatle
August 7th, 2007, 03:58 PM
yes, amethyst, there are definitely triggers I am learning to notice now. It's almost automatic when my partner gets very stressed-- BAM, I go for it. Gotta learn to deal with that. No alcohol in the house would help-- but hard with others living here who drink. Need to get another strategy. But I am good for long perisod of time soo...

Beaches
August 7th, 2007, 04:06 PM
Beatle, I agree it's hard when others drink in the house. I have the same situation at my house with others drinking. Sounds like you have succeeded. I like what you said though out with poison and in with health. Excellent!!

Guest
August 7th, 2007, 04:22 PM
Beatle, a couple of drinks isn`t failure........you`re not getting drunk.......there`s an enormous difference btw. the two.

You`ll get your AF.........just keep on gaining strength.

Starlight Impress x

beatle
August 7th, 2007, 04:42 PM
thanks for the support. tomorrow's the day!

Guest
August 7th, 2007, 04:43 PM
Nice one, beatle!!!

Wishing you luck for tomorrow.

Starlight Impress x

AMELIA
August 7th, 2007, 05:33 PM
Hey Beatle, just saw this thread and am thinking of you. Wish I could be of help but I think you may be sleeping now, so all is good.
xx

Niblet
August 7th, 2007, 05:46 PM
tomorrow is another day beatle and we'll be here for you then too... You can do this... Maybe do something physical tomorrow.. A nice walk, a workout, swim etc... Be nice to yourself... all the best and we are happy to be here for you... Anytime. Hugs,

beatle
August 8th, 2007, 10:17 AM
well, failed another day, but not terribly. I woke (or was awoken) at 6 a.m (my wee ones believe that anytime after daybreak is a perfectly acceptable time to arise)-- and believe it or not, I was already thinking about a drink! How pathetic. Well, I told myself that I could have one if I waited till after lunch -- it worked, just. But I'm not proud anyway. Still, not too bad either (for me).

Yes Nibble, I did do some physical exercise out in the garden, but it was not enough to get the persistent idea out of this weak little pea-brain.

No, Accountable, I do not live alone-- far from it... extended family everywhere. But I've become obsessed with the whole act of doing it without getting caught (while being obsessed with going AF,-- huh). Sick, isn't it? I have often wondered if everyone knows and is pretending not to-- or if I'm really just a genius at this. (well my sig. other does know and is none too happy, but it makes me feel better that it is not a complete secret--- also keeps me in line abit, y'know.)

Anyway, one more failure day-- but at least not a deep down in the pits day either (yet haha)-

tomorrow AF!

amethyst
August 8th, 2007, 11:19 AM
Beatle, you sound better, and more resolved somehow, despite what you term your *failure*.Do you have a plan for tomorrow?The rest of today? Do you have supps that you can take when the cravings hit?Keep posting. We care, and want you to feel good about yourself and your life, and the choices you make.

PinkLady
August 8th, 2007, 12:10 PM
Good morning, Beatle! (Or, afternoon if the case may be --- I just got to CA from NJ, so I'm all mixed up with time!)

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you need to get into a positive place. The CD and supplements did it for me (as well as support from others here.) Are you doing the program? It makes a HUGE difference!!

As for yesterday, it is gone now. Forget about it and resolve yourself to make today a good day! (3 wasn't bad, but since it isn't where you want to be, you have to put it behind you.)

Good luck! We are here for you!

Hugs,
Lauren (Day 10 here! If I can do it, everyone can!!)
I

beatle
August 8th, 2007, 04:23 PM
Nope, it's late now, and has not been anything close to my AF goal, but no drunkeness, just a few weak moments. I'm doing everything pretty much according to MWO program except the topa and it's just not working. But I'm not giving up yet. I think I need more exercise and more supps. Oh yeah, and that will power thing. he he. Not feeling all that bad though.

Hannah
August 8th, 2007, 11:44 PM
Beatle -

Hang in there - the important thing is that you not let your slips become a reason to slip back into destructive mode. Every day is a new day - and if you just keep on trying, one of these times something will click, the moment will be right or whatever - and it will work for you - I'm sure of it. Just don't give up on yourself.:goodluck:

AMELIA
August 9th, 2007, 12:51 AM
Hey Beatle, I am going to start AF again today,....want to do it with me??
xx

beatle
August 9th, 2007, 01:47 AM
yeah, I'll try again today Amelia, let's see if we can do it. I'm pretty sure if I just get through the first day, I'll keep going. I'm pretty scared about the withdrawal though. I've been through it before. Hoping the supps will help. I don't have anything for the cravings, but fear of failure and my own life at stake.

magic
August 9th, 2007, 02:00 AM
Hi Beatle

Sweetie, if you're craving a drink when you wake you need to see the doctor, you're physically dependent on alcohol.

You can't just NOT drink, your body won't let you. Don't torture yourself and then feel like a failure. You are not a failure.

Go to the doctor and arrange for detox. A safe detox.

Gods speed sweetheart,

magic xx :heart:

beatle
August 9th, 2007, 02:51 AM
Thanks Magic, actually I did not physically need to drink, just mentally. I didn't shake or anything (I've been through that and know how it is). Right now it is 14 hours since my last drink and I am not feeling any physical withdrawal symptoms. Still, based on my drinking history, I know I should do detox with help of doctor, but I can't go that road again for many reasons. I have most of the drugs used by doctors to detox anyway and can use them if needed. Right now though, I think it's more my head than my body that is doing the craving-- though I may feel differently in a few hours! Stay posted!

magic
August 9th, 2007, 01:07 PM
Beatle, I know you are a smart cookie (intelligent woman) so I'll trust you on this one and won't nag.

I will stay posted though. Drink your water, find a mantra, and take your medication when necessary.

Beatle can do this, I just know she can.

m. xx

beatle
August 9th, 2007, 04:48 PM
Nah-- did not make AF today, but it was a considered decision. All alone with 3 kids, not a good time to take a chance (maybe just justification?). Anyway, I'm at low-level drinking at this point, waiting for a good time (i.e. spouse at home) to do AF but really want to do it SOON. Probably Sunday is first chance. I'm really motivated and feeling ok about the moderation I've managed.Thanks for the advice and encouragement everyone.

adagirl
August 9th, 2007, 05:10 PM
Beatle, did you ever get the Naltrexone? I think you were asking about it before. I think you said your doctor would prescribe it, but not Topa. Well, if you can get it or have it already, I highly recommend taking it. I take one pill a day (50 mg) and it has totally shut off my cravings. I still drink. I decided to Mod (I drink about once/week and within healthy limits). But, I do not crave it or feel like I ever HAVE to have it anymore. And, when I had tried to quit before, I just could never get past the cravings. I could go one day fine, two days were hard, and I almost never made it past 3 days AF. The Naltrexone has really helped me take back control because the cravings aren't there. So, if you have it or could get it, I highly recommend giving it a try. You still have to want to be AF or want to Mod for it to work, but it makes it so much easier. And, I know you have the want. Its just so hard when you want to do better, but physically, your brain is sabotaging you.

beatle
August 9th, 2007, 05:26 PM
Yes, I DO have the Naltrexone. Problem is that it is contraindicative to another medicine I take (unrelated) so I have not been able to decide what to do. Which one? (Of course the doctor prescribed both, but I just found this out on the internet. Gotta be careful).

paula
August 9th, 2007, 05:33 PM
Beatle when I was drinking it was never a good time to stop, I always looked
for an excuse to continue, why wait until sunday? my low level drinking never
stayed low, can yours ? Never put off til tomorrow what you can do today.
Love Paula x

Accountable for Me
August 9th, 2007, 06:02 PM
Very good expression Paula: Never put off til tomorrow what you can do today.

Beatle, do what is right for you. Maybe phone your doctor's office and ask if the meds are conflicting and what you should do. You have to be careful what you read on the internet. There are varying opinions and studies which can confuse the crap out of a person.

beatle
August 10th, 2007, 12:59 PM
gosh you guys are so nice to care so much. Actually I know I am somewhat physically addicted, hence waiting for spouse to be home to do it CT. But am trying to be as moderate as possible in the meantime. Just have to be there 100% for my 3 wee one,s and strange as it seems, yeh, it might be irresponsible to go CT alone with them. See?

beatle
August 10th, 2007, 01:08 PM
oh yeah, about the meds. no way-how do I trust my doc. Sorry, but that is the truth, based on past experience. Nobody should trust their doc, sorry but I mean it, do the work yourself, thats what RJ did by the way. You are responsible for your own health. your doc is just a helper, hopefully.

magic
August 10th, 2007, 02:17 PM
Hi Beatle

I have complete faith in my psychiatrist. He is a good man.

My degree is in nursing not medicine and although I do take responsibility for my own care I cannot fathom the chemical make-up of the human brain.

I'm really sorry you find yourself in this situation Beatle as this struggle , in my experience, was so much easier with the help of a good doctor and the right medication.

I completely understand the need to make sure the wee ones are safe.
You need to make sure you are safe as well.

Cold turkey is never a good idea.

magic xx :heart:

betty boop
August 10th, 2007, 02:21 PM
Hi Beatle, just got back from hols and found this thread ........ Baby steps worked wonders for me, cutting down gradually ... I think that you are doing that. I wish you everything that you wish for yourself ..........

Hang in there .........

Love BB xx

beatle
August 10th, 2007, 03:23 PM
thanx, am hanging in there. All kids in bed and, guess what, no craving for a drink! I just want to get through this day (night) and maybe tomorrow is AF, definitely Sunday (will have the support then). I am SO motivated. Thanx to you all. Life without alcohol-- that is the way for me.

remedius
September 18th, 2007, 07:28 AM
is it a problem?

i have big problem i dont know whether i'm addicted to alcohol or not :new:

Flip
September 18th, 2007, 07:35 AM
Hi Remedius, and welcome!

In my veiw, if you can't get throught a day without needing a drink then it's a problem and you are probably addicted. I knew I was addicted when I started refusing to go out in the evenings if I couldn't drink, or I would organise to only go places that served alcohol.

PS: You will get a better response if you start a new thread under "need help ASAP" or "just starting out"... do you know how to do that?

ECHOME
September 18th, 2007, 08:23 AM
Iam the last to give advice. Alcohol has ruined my life. So I tell you what lets see if you can keep up with me. A drinking game in the other direction. Iam on Day 3 AF. ECHOME

rhondaz
September 20th, 2007, 01:47 PM
i think i am in the same boat is you. i really really want to stop drinking but i am having a hard time..i think i am too lonely too often

bootcampbarbie
September 20th, 2007, 02:37 PM
hey beatle. how are you doing? how are you and your sister doing? you know i just got the lithium orotate. so don't know if it will make a difference but i'm going to give it a go. i so know you can do this. i know you can. you are a fierce woman. and i know you want to have more quality time with the kids. is hubby out of town right now or is he home? well, i'm just sending you a big hug my friend