Mad at myself

[auntiegriselda]

:new: Hi to everyone. I can't believe the stories I'm reading on here. Many sound as though I could have written them. I've been drinking pretty regularly for the past 15 years or so, but it's gotten worse since I was divorced in 2000. I was married for 30 years and even tho I wasn't very happy, it was a shock to find out that my husband wanted out. Turned out he was having an affair...probably for several years and had been fighting depression. Guess cheating makes you depressed! I never have been able to tell him I now know he was cheating. (He got remarried almost right away). Anyway, I went on and have been living my life, bought a new house, have had responsible positions at work and I doubt anyone suspects that I have a drinking problem. I usually drink a bottle of wine each night, sometimes part of a second bottle. I don't always remember things I did like talk to someone on the phone or internet. I have a very nice boyfriend but he likes to drink too so that doesn't help a lot.
My drinking pattern goes something like this...I drink the wine, collapse into bed and feel hungover the next morning. I decide that I will not EVER do that again. I stay determined until about midafternoon, when I start thinking, "oh well, one more night won't hurt. Tonight I'll only have a glass or two." Then I go by the store ( I always find I need something there anyway), buy the wine and go home and drink the whole bottle again. The next day the whole thing starts all over.
I function at work but have trouble concentrating. At the moment I'm a nursing supervisor and don't need to be in a position to make a lot of mistakes.
I've just ordered the book and the vitamin supplements this morning. I can't wait to get started and have decided that tonight I will not drink anything at all. I'm going to stick to it!
I went one night last week without it and it felt good, but of course the next night I rewarded myself with more wine! How stupid! I haven't gone more than one night without wine or beer in the past two years. I hate having something control my life like this, but at the same time I love the wine. I wish I could get to the place where I could very occasionally enjoy a glass or two with a meal and let it go at that.
This has gotten long but it feels really good to be telling someone about it! Thanks for listening!

[Cinders]

Mad at myself

Auntie,

:welcome:

Yeppers. Sounds like a lot of us here, doesn't it?

You have taken a good first step and as long as you keep trying, eventually things will get better.

We are here to help in anyway we can. Don't hesitate to ask if you need help or have questions.

Best of luck on your new journey,
Cindi

[Phoenix74]

Mad at myself

Hi auntie

:welcome:

A great bunch here for listening and no-one judges you! It's a great start you have made today, ordering everything and being ship-shape in your mind to go AF one day at a time as the ODAT threads are a testament to.

A change in routine(s) really does help though. So if your "witching hours" are around about now, why not make cup of tea after cup of tea, watch Neighbours or something, do a sudoku puzzle or a crossword, more tea, watch the news, make something to eat, just keep getting forward in segments of minutes, ten minutes, half hours, etc. Sometimes that's what I do. Just small segments to fill at a time. Housework does it for me too, except ironing, water runs out too quickly and frequently so I get annoyed :H

Congrats on your resolve, it's the first and most important step. We're all at various stages along the route, but we all stick close together anyway. Keep coming here, even if you're just reading the posts it still helps.

If you're in dire straits just post a thread in the ASAP forum and someone will post you back quite quickly.

Wishing you a lovely Monday AF evening (and an even better head tomorrow morning)

[auntiegriselda]

Mad at myself

Thanks!!

[Taking Control]

Mad at myself

Welcome,

Boy, does that cycle sound familiar, especially the "one more night won't hurt" bit.

The best part is that you are here and will have a lot of support. We are all on this journey together and there is so much helpful advise.

My best to you,
TC

[rob]

Mad at myself

Hi Aunti and welcome!! You'll find great inspiration here and loads of advice.

Do you have a plan? Most of us here find that it helps to have one and also a plan B and a plan C if needed.

Read the info offered here, think about where you want to start and go for it!! Some folks find that its easier to start out with a period of abs and then determine if they can moderate.

BTW, please don't minimize the impact of your drinking on your job as a nursing supervisor. Depending on your facility and unit, your ability to concentrate can have huge consequences on your staff and patients.

Wishing you well on your journey, stick around and you can learn and grow as so many have.:h

[Guest]

Mad at myself

Hi auntieg and welcome.
You sound very much like I used to be.........just "had to have the wine" every single night........was my nightly reward until I acknowledged that it really was running my life and I wanted to do that for myself.

You missed a night........shows you can do this........goal yourself to do without it another night and try to keep going.

I still love the wine.........can imagine the taste of it right now, BUT!!!!..........I won`t have any..........I got my life back 2 mths. ago........am 64 days sober.......never thought I would do it, but I have.......says you can quit too.It`s a great life without it.

Wishing you love and strength,

Starlight Impress x

[rustop61]

Mad at myself

Hi Auntie and :welcome:

You could be writing about any one of us. I too have been drinking a bottle or more of wine a night for probably the past 13 years. Have had a lot of slips and starts since joining MWO, mainly my own fault I was not committed enough. I started with new resolve on 1st September, supplements, cd's, exercise and these boards. Have just completed my first 30 Days AF in over a year and if I can do anyone can!!! Join us on the different threads, ODAT, 30 Days, whatever, there is a lot of support out there.

Rustop

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Mad at myself

Auntie-

well, yeah, you sure do sound like any one of us. I too was a bottle or two a night of wine kinda gal. i would then get up (early!) and get myself to my responsible job (psychologist at a school) and function...well, sort of. I was always exausted and really didn't feel like my day was going until about 10:30 in the morning. I dragged through, DETERMINED I would NOT do this again, but of course, by around 4pm, my head told me a WHOLE different story. This would go on, day after day after day. I didn't hang at bars, and don't actually have a drinker for a husband, so it was me, myself and I. I tried many, many times to quit. Both off this site and on. However, I never gave up. Finally, with the supports here, something has clicked, and for the first time in more years than I am happy to admit (like 25), I have some alcohol free time under my belt, and guess what?? It feels really great. I actually like getting into bed at night all cozy (and remembering it the next day!! what a treat!) and getting up RESTED!!! AND, best thing EVER, living without guilt, shame, regret....

So, come on in, try everything out, see what works, what doesn't, and don't give up!!!

Welcome!!!

Beth

[cowgal]

Mad at myself

Welcome

:welcome: I am new back also, your story sounds alot like mine, but I drink beer...............I love you and we all do, stay close and read and write often to all of us, we will get strenght from your success, and you will from ours! :new:

MA

[Bettelove]

Mad at myself

I know how you feel auntie. I'm still struggling, but the difference now is that I have hope. It's a new month, and I'm determined to try it again. It sounds like you're ready to do this; this is the perfect place to take that step. We can do this!

[corky]

Mad at myself

Auntie,
WOW, I could have written that! You too, Bak! It's nice to know I'm not so alone. Welcome and thanks for sharing. I'm just starting too. Going for supplements today, waiting for my Kadzu and Topa, and then going to try to really take the plunge. Nice to know I'll have company and the support of all on this site.

[Cinders]

Mad at myself

Corky,

It sounds like you are going all in!! Good for you, girl. You will do well. I have no doubt.

Keep coming on line when times get tough. So many supportive and helpful people here.

Cindi

[Janice]

Mad at myself

Auntie, I just want to say hi and welcome to MWO!!! Your "routine" sounds so familiar - good luck on your journey. Janicexxx

[Guest]

Mad at myself

Anti welcome, we are all very similar. We mask our pain with alcohol. But we are improving and wishing that for you as well
Smiles
Mar