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Guest
July 18th, 2006, 11:11 PM
Happy July 19 Abbies!

Lori K, wishing you a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :happy Hope you enjoy your special day.

Lorisunshine, good work yesterday. Sounds like you got through a tough day with self awareness and made some great choices! Congrats on 16 days!

Gabby? Susan? Where are you? : :D

Kathy, congrats on your first day!! YAaaaaY!

Matt, I have to give you props, It's a rare guy who can thrive amongst all this estrogen, huh!?? :lol We just love having you here!

Well folks, I'm about to fall out, so goodnight. Good morning. See you later!

Hope you all have a beautiful day.

:h
Deirdre

Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.

Muhammad Ali

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 01:48 AM
deirdre so good to hear your beautiful voice. i'm so happy you aren't living like a mushroom in a little room drinking your life away. who would lead us on, tredging those hills, calling out our names and inspring us with charm and wit? why i've come to rely upon my pal deirdre that if i have a cloud following me during hte day i can always check in knowing that all are there and deirdre will have a heart to extend out and a hand to squeeze. you are so very loving and caring. you are like a freshly baked choc chip cookie. :) matt: congrats and yes, we need to gert you some male company. hahaha
lori happy bday to you. you savvy sassy girl
kathy you just keep hanging in there girl. and no worries on the day. post away i'll check in when i can as i'm working alot this week. but i'm praying for you and us all alot
lori sunshine congrats to you too and susan as well and jane wherever you are. smiles and kisses.
ah i'm so tired. gotta crawl into bed. ah but sober and that is key.
so i get to post at nite and then you all wake up in the morning. :0have a great day ya all

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 02:45 AM
Hi guys
Sorry been so busy but so glad knowing you are all here supporting each of us and posting on the site. Hope you are all doing well and that each day is rewarding in its own unique and special way. Life has never looked so good since ditching those darn beer goggles!

Alison

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 03:28 AM
Hi Guys,
Just checking in and thank you all for your well wishes! My good thoughts (the small amount that I do have) are for my fellow strugglers.
I just feel I should explain just where I am at now.
Really don?t like myself at the moment as I have changed. I used to like myself, not the drinking Shas but the core person I did really like! I was loving, kind always looking for the good points in people and forgiving. Now I am short tempered, impatient, resentful, suspicious, always looking for people?s motives, and very untrusting of anybody that shows me too much kindness. I feel resentful of the time I have to give to people and really want probably more than anything someone to put time into me! I would love to be the cared for person instead of the carer, I would love for someone to look at me and see the pain inside and for them to care.
I know all this stuff sounds horrible and doesn?t put in me in the best light but it is how I feel.
I have been a mum & wife since I was 17 years old and now I feel I have just run out of everything!
I feel I have gone backwards since that last slip and am finding it really hard to gather my strength and resources together.
I do so admire this group, you are all doing so well and really forging ahead. You are all such good and caring people and so much want to get there too.
I am sorry to write such a selfish post but really need to express myself.
Shas

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 07:06 AM
Hello to you all! I can honestly say I'm happy to be here! I am committed to abs for at least two weeks and then will re evaluate.

I have plans for coping with "wine o clock" but any advice from you successful folks would be much appreciated. I would like an accountablity partner if anyone would be willing to do that. I have never been more committed ever to do this without topa (too many side effects). I will continue the sups and maybe start cds again and hope they don't make me itch.

Maggie

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 07:33 AM
Morning all. Dierdre, great start, thank you! Shas, I posted a description of some chemically proven types of depressives on the GD board if you want to have a quick look, but I checked on the HRC site and you almost sound like you might be dealing with low histamine levels. Please go to this link and take a read and see what you think!

www.healthrecovery.com/HR...oaster.htm (http://www.healthrecovery.com/HRC_2006/Depression_06/D_roller_coaster.htm)

For myself, the chiropractor 2 days ago was great and is helping me get my back together again so I can actually be active, and the acupuncture session last night, with auricular therapy thrown in was really interesting. Although the chiropractor confirmed that my T5 was out of alignment and working against the liver, the eastern medicine came out them I have kidney deficiency and blood deficiency..lol. So, I'm working on restoring all of my detox systems. Actually, it all makes sense since I've been mods and abs and the abs especially is when the kidney and liver have to work extra hard to process all of the toxins out of the body. So, I guess I'll have to make sure that I take a 20-30 infrared sauna everyday to help them out be detoxing through my skin and adding epsom salt baths at night to help that way too! Hmm, who said getting healthy was easy:( But, will be way worth it..

To all of you, have a great day! And don't let the gremlins get you with their little nagging!:h

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 08:22 AM
Thanks to everyone who answered my post yesterday. I think you are right and I need to change my program to deal with the emotional issues. Also, chronic shoulder pain which I think contributes to my need to drink. So I just made a chiropractor appointment and located the book "The Diet Cure" which CV has quoted from at times. I am finding all the amino acid info rather confusing and it appears that book has some practical advice presented in a non clinical fashion.

As to being able to post my feelings, that has never been easy for me. For 25 years I worked in family court, hearing everyone else's problems and crafting solutions, but I have never been comfortable sharing my own issues. Perhaps here, in this annoymous and supportive community I need to give it more of a try.

Shas, as I read your post from today I was reminded that we who view ourselves as the caregivers may want someone to care for us, but at least for me, I know that I don't really open myself up to people enough for them to have a chance at knowing what I need. So I end up feeling resentful as part of an endless cycle of caring and resenting that I created. I am not sure that helps, I suspect the solution is to be more open about what we need and not feel guilty about pursuing time for ourselves. Of course easy to say, not to do. We have lots of family coming in this week for a family wedding. Perhaps rather than taking care of everyone by myself I will begin to put this into practice by allowing others to assist with cooking and chores.

This is probably the longest post I have ever done. I hope you are not all bored to tears and that everyone has a good day in Abs-ville.

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 09:02 AM
Hey Shas,

I want to say that it takes courage to post about those parts of ourselves that aren't nice and pretty with a little bow on top! It is important to be able to express ALL of our feelings, whether they are positive or negative, so I'm glad that you are telling us how you feel. I feel pretty wrung out too at times, and I also wish someone would take care of me!! Alcohol kept those feelings at bay for me--the anger, resentments, etc.

Speaking of which, I woke up this morning and didn't want to get out of bed! Not the best attitude for my 2nd day in Absville! I'm struggling with anxieties about money. Summer is my slow season anyway, and with my office move May 31, many of the insurance checks were sent back to the companies instead of forwarded. So I am broke with bills to pay. This will all be right by the fall, but it is discouraging and frustrating!!!

Also, my stupid mp3 player seems to have taken a vacation, since new batteries did not fix the problem! Frustrating!!>: >: : I think that we have an old portable cdplayer around here somewhere that I can carry in my briefcase though, so all is not lost....do I sound just a tad cranky??? Hey cv, want to mix me up a magic supplement brew??:lol

Anyway, I did make it through day 1, and I am okay. I didn't expect the first few days to be a piece of cake, and I know that it takes about a week for me to start feeling proud, so I'm on track here!

Happy B-day, LoriK!
And yes Matt, it is great having a guy around, as well!

Love to all!
Kathy:d :d

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 10:23 AM
Oh Kris, no we're not bored - far from it. You wrote a beautiful, meaningful post. As I was reading I was nodding and mentally agreeing with you all the way through. I think it's so great that you're addressing the shoulder pain and the caregiver syndrome. I have a feeling that is going to be a weight off your shoulders, literally & figuratively.

And to Shas & Kris & Kathy too, it's always nice to get support from others. Unfortunately others are not always available or reliable or consistent. So the best thing we can do for ourselves is once again take charge of the situation, only this time we are tending to ourselves. Now, I know some of us feel that we don't deserve to be well cared for at some level, but let's try to remember that all those people that we have cared for are no better or different than we are. Sometimes it helps me to look at myself objectively, like an out-of-body point of view. Then when I can see myself as just another one of "God's" creatures, I think, actually, what right do I have NOT to take care of this unique creation?? I mean "someone" saw fit to put me here, so who am I to waste this life? Who am I to degrade this body and stifle this soul?

And Shas, you are not going backwards, you're changing, and right now you're in a tough place on your journey. This is most definitely a turning point for you in many ways. But It seems to me that you're very tuned in to what you need, so now it's a matter of getting in the frame of mind to give yourself what you need. So try doing something for yourself that you will feel good about: exercise, meditation, get on a healthy food plan, feng shui your home or work place, get your hair done. I believe that loving yourself through self-imorovement is the key for many of us, as we have neglected ourselves for too damn long!!

Hope that didn't sound preachy, it's just that I can relate & now I'm finally figuring out how to come out of it, so of course I want to share that...

Kathy, yeah, you're on track!! Don't worry - or as they say, don't sweat the small stuff. There's nothing going on that drinking will make better. It won't get your bills paid or your player fixed. So keep up the good work, and be cranky if you need to be! :lol :d

Maggie, welcome!! Glad you're happy to be here - we're glad to have you! I see you're doing supps, and going to try the cd's again. So, what about exercise, is that starting to be part of your plan, or are you already a gym-rat? Good luck today, and congrats on getting started!

Alison :lol beer goggles!?? Great to see you doing well!

Cynthia, wow, sounds like you found someone really good to do body work on you. I'm with you on the sauna, I've been doing them 3 or 4 times a week, anything to get those toxins out, and man, does it make a difference in the way we feel. Yep, way worth it!

Kimber, thanks so much for the appreciation, it's so sweet of you to turn me into a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie... :p :lol Hey, I might as well be - NYC is like an oven these days! Hope you had a good sleep and a great day too.

:h
Deirdre

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 11:40 AM
Hey Kathy, if you have a laptop, you can put your mp3 on that and play it from there with the headphones please...:lol

BTW, just found this on PBS...excellent stuff! And some animations ;-)

www.pbs.org/wnet/closetoh...temap.html (http://www.pbs.org/wnet/closetohome/sitemap.html)


Dierdre, thanks for the comment on the sauna. I used to have a small business providing infra red wraps and then sold the business, so I didn't have the access anymore, but, not to be thwarted, I did my research, located an excellent portable infra red sauna that wasn't an arm and a leg, had them modify the power and ship it to me. It's great and hundreds or sometimes thousands less than anything else I've seen...lol. I've thought about importing it and putting it on ebay ;-). I was testing it at first because the FIR sauna's pull out about 15%+ toxins whereas the steam or heat were only pulling out 3%+ in the perspiration, so, you know me the guinea pig, I went and got my rubber suit, laid in the sauna (my head was out so I was safe) for about 35-45 mintues and WOW, when I took off the sauna suit....the perspiration was this yellow brown color...so, yes, you are right, I probably need to make that a daily event, perhaps with the hypno cd's...

Highly recommended and very relaxing! It's so good to be abs right now, although I'm fighting my sugar cravings...and I want to go to a nice restaurant but daresn't yet. Soon though.:happy

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 12:06 PM
Hi Ya'll,

Greeting from the funny farm!

Been extra busy here for a few days. I picked and froze blueberries yesterday and a bunch of pink-eye peas. Working on more peas now and needed a break!

Hey....I LIVE in a sauna....lets see....if I stay outside here all day and change clothes a couple of times a day...does that sweat count? We get pretty grungy and totally wet! Gallons of water goes through my skin every day! In the south...women don't "sweat" though...we
glissen"...:rollin

Love reading all your post....Love it here in Absville!!

Where IS Susan?

:h Nancy & Belle

PS: Belle went to the vet yesterday....NOT her favorite thing!;)

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 12:27 PM
Hello Everyone--
I'm here but having a super hard time...I seem to have fallen into some pit of depression and inactivity....in some ways it's exactly the same as when I was putting away bottles of wine in a darkened room (me too, Deirdre...);I'm again in a darkened room, just no bottles of wine....

I feel really awful...like crying...I can't figure it out since I'm taking a million supps and SHOULD be feeling good, but am not....in a way I feel like a failure because here it is 100 days today and I don't feel good at all--not much of an inspiration to everyone, am I?

Hopefully, this too shall pass--but at the moment I can't seem to see any light at the end of the tunnel... So, I find myself isolating just like I did in the bad old drinking days because I don't like people to see my unhappiness and I feel as though I should only show people the happy, I'm-doing-great susan....I really don't like posting my misery and I hope this doesn't just bring everyone down....my apololgies...
:|
susan

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 12:59 PM
Hey Susan..I'm glad you checked in..
As you know, some of us have "downer" down times than we want to admit. I called my doc a couple of weeks ago and discussed change in meds. Didn't change anything...just felt better in talking to them. I don't know why some brains (like ours) are over sensitive to life in general.
The news on tv, the death of a friend, or just a "down" phone call will send me down.....it does pass but I really have to "fight" with :evil to get past it. Put on your battle clothes and shoes and fight!!!!
We're all here fighting for you in the ways we know how!

:d Nancy

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 03:00 PM
Wednesday July 19

Hello all my fellow abbers!
So far so good, made it through a very trying evening, but this too did pass. Had a wonderful nights sleep and been slugging away all day. Feeling good - have lost 6 pounds so far. Have to go to a social function tonight. I will be scrutinized, so I am doing the wine on the rocks thing. The'll be horrified if I aqua - out their expensive Shiraz or whatever they'll serve. Ah, well, sue me.

Susan, I know how you feel..........oh I have been there.
You need to go to the store and rent a really sad girly movie. Watch it in your most comfortable corner and go bawl your eyes out. Cry until the well runneth dry, cry out of every buttonhole. Sob and mop and sob and mop.
Use the whole damned box of Kleenex. In the end you will be exhausted but you will probably feel a little less burdened. Trick your brain. Your brain knows that you are crying over the movie, but no you are also crying because it has all been dammed up and needs to come out. Whatever it is that makes you sad, let your tears wash it out.
I had such a bout of depression once. We were invited to the opening night of a Xmas special at the local Theatre, with reception before and piggies after. Well,
the music and the choir and the lights and just all of it started to push my buttons. During first act I started to sob and did not stop until the ensemble took their last bow. You could have paid me a million bucks, I just could not stop to cry. And after all that bawling, I felt really good, except my face was hardly recognizable. Needless to say, I did not attend the after party, but went home rather light hearted. You probably think I am such a twit, but it worked for me. Try it.
Love Lori

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 04:22 PM
Oh Susan, I do so wish you weren?t feeling so down. Please don?t worry about bringing other people down. This is a much better place when we?re honest and open about whatever it is we?re going through. And believe me, it?s not like we all haven?t been down before, so we know where you?re coming from more or less. You should feel comfortable being yourself here, no matter what state you?re in. Where else if not here?

I hope you?re able to zero in on the cause of this, and fix it. You?re certainly strong enough and smart enough to get rid of whatever it is. Just an unsolved mystery right now, but you?ll figure it out. Let me know if there?s anything I can do.

:d :d :d
Deirdre

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 05:09 PM
WWWHHHHHHHEEEEEEWWWWW,
Damm, guys....did I slam the door, Sorry. I've been out lookin for Susan. THERE YOU ARE SUSAN. I've been out lookin for you. Deirdre was lookin for us and....well you know how she gets! Remember, she is strict. She wouldnt let me have those dates so I had to switch em over to the garage and the basement. (I think...cant remember) Peggy did the one date and then swore off for a while...(foggy on that one too)
I havent checked in for a few days cuz...well....I have had a little anxiety about my son remember him guys hes the one that got in that little fix with the law? Well court was today and I didnt want to carry on about what was goin on in my brain about all my worry and that bottom line...I would have just rather drank the last few nights (which I didnt) to console myself and well....as I read the posts (briefly) I see thats why I couldnt find you cuz you were hidin in the dark room. SUSAN you were being as bad as me. You silly! Geeze if we had known...at least I could have joined ya.
But ya know what? WE MISSED THE BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
Happy Birthday Kimber and Lori K. :d :d :d

Anyway....heres my make on it all. First of all we need to remember to lean on our friends here. We want to help them so we need to let them have their turn helpin us. Plus that is an important part of our healing and recovery is learing not only to let others know our needs, but to be able to ACCEPT their love and support. We are depriving not only ourselves of our learning to accept their love and support but we are cheatin them out of being able to have the giving part.
Also, I am noticing the higher my number of AF days gets, (HAPPY 100 FLIPPIN DAYS SUSAN! THATS SO WONDERFUL!) the more of those protective layers peel off of my soul. More feelings are coming out. Or should I say pouring out and sometimes ya just gotta have a dark room day or something like that for recovery, or reflection, or progress, or growth....I think the list goes on and on. Its a whole bunch of stuff. But we dont figure it out in one day. But I DO know that all these guys here help us get there. Its just like this AMAZING process. And its so COOL. Everyday there is something new.
So...me and you Susan....we snuck in a mini Calgon take me away thing and we didnt know it. So next time lets plan it. Maybe it will be more fun...OK?
Matt....I hope you arent rollin your eyes. ;)

And oh ya....My sons court got rescheduled. So I got a practice run at pre-court stress. :rolleyes love you guys, gabbster

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 05:31 PM
July 19

Howdy,

I'm not rollin my eyes at all this girlie talk;) that's for sure. I know just what it feels like to hole up by yourself so nobody sees your tears and sadness.

I started numbing the pain about 25 years ago and tons of stuff is surfacing since going abs. We've all hidden alot of bad stuff deep inside and now it gets to come out. I know we all didn't get hammered every night because our lives were perfect!

I've been feeling down and blue today as well but I know that it's part of our journey and recovery. Keep bringing the bad stuff out. I think it melts at the first rays of sunshine.

OK now I've got to go fix an engine or cut down a tree or something. Scuse me ladies....

Matt:D

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 05:39 PM
Why do we think we have to be happy and up all the time??? I am puzzling this after reading Susan's post and Gabby's too! I am not brought down by reading either one, of course, and yet, I know it would be really hard for me to come on here and pour out my heart in the moment too, if it were me and I were feeling so down for no "apparent" reason!! I assure you, though, Susan, there is a valid reason for your feeling down, somewhere inside, even if it is not readily visible: I hope that you will allow yourself to stop feeling bad about feeling bad and find out what it is. Maybe you can get some resolution then! I know that you would want the same for any of us who was suffering!

I agree with Gabby's take on the situation! But boy, we do have a hard time learning to lean on each other. Maybe I should just speak for myself, though; I sure have a hard time leaning on others!!! Trusting and believing I will be accepted for me--big issues!!:eek :eek

Anyway, I'm going into the evening of day 2. I'm doing okay. Missing the wine in a habit sort of way, but I will cook a good dinner for myself instead of choking down SOMETHING nutritious, listen to hypno cds, and hang out here. Also thinking of the downside of wine....sour stomach, wine breath, yuck! ;)

Sorry you didn't get some resolution in court today, Gabby!

Hugs to all,
Kathy:d :d

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 06:33 PM
Thanks everyone for the well wishes,( I think 40 is going to be great compared to the 30's)

I am so sorry for those who are having a hard time. The conversation is important and must take place though, about when things aren't going well. An abstinent life is not an easy one. Less complicated for sure, but not without trial and temptation. As I watch those around me drink with impunity, I feel like I am missing out. The choice to drink or not to becomes an obsession, and I lose in the end. Depression WILL come eventually to us all. It certainly has to me. And I have drank...heavily. Like I said yesterday, I hope we create an environment where TRUE healing can take place. Let's don't downplay the process that may include: drinking, depression, doubt, insecurity, self-loathing, etc... I NEED to hear it all. It is an important part of my recovery.

Share-On,
Lor

Guest
July 19th, 2006, 10:41 PM
Hi Guys,
Just checking in today and thank you all for this support. I can honestly say I wouldn?t be here today sober, without this website and the people here!
I am so sorry Lori & Kim, I was in my selfish mode yesterday and didn?t even wish you ?Happy Birthday?.
Maggie, my only advice for ?wine o clock? would be to stay busy and do something totally different than normal.
Cv, you were spot on! And I am blood type A, and my sister is schizophrenic creepy??? will do something about this aspect when I get more funds. (I just don?t know where you get the time to do what you do! Do you sleep?)
Kris, thanks for your input, that?s exactly what is happening, I find it really hard to ask for help.
Kathy, why is it when we decide to abstain you get all these other stresses as well, hang in there. I know money problems are the pits. Money can?t buy happiness but sure can make your misery easier to bear.
Deirdre, I will take your advice.
Susan, please post as often as you can when you are miserable, I isolate myself when not coping and it does not help. Just set 1 small task to do. Even if it?s just getting dressed in the morning! And you are an inspiration! 100 days WOW! Try Lori?s idea watch that sad movie and let all the emotions run dry.
Gabby, you can share that worry about your son! All of us who have been through teens can help you and you will probably be helping parents who will be going through it! I have had troubles similar to yours in the past (my son is now 30 yrs old) and it is scary because you only want the best for your kids.
Matt, I love having a guy on our team!
You know the most frustrating thing for me is? I wake up every morning when sober the night before feeling great and then by the afternoon the head talk and the rationalising comes into play! Then it?s downhill for the next 5 or 6 hours. I am taking an extra GABA in the late afternoon and that seems to help. Anyway all you people that are long term when did the ?I want to drink, no I won?t drink? stop.
Thanks again,
Shas

Sorry Guys I get so confused, this is Thursday for me and in the afternoon. When the Thursday thread starts I will cut & paste this one:o