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Wednesday January 9th at the Inn

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    #1

    Wednesday January 9th at the Inn

    Good Morninin INNmates!! I saw that there were a few innmates on line as I was checking the rest of yesterdays posts so lets see if we end up with two Inn threads today.

    FMS- As usual, we were cross posting last night, I'm glad you were feeling more chipper. Loved the dancing angel pic.

    MM- Two workouts in one day, now that is committment!! Girl when you focus, you focus!!

    Am I the only one who just amuses the heck out of myself by my lack of insight?

    I was in that place between awake and asleep last night, mulling over the day the way you tend to do and planning what I would do today when it hit me. Duh!! Dummass- "The reason you have all this organizing to do is because you have a huge mess to clean up! The reason you have a huge mess to clean up is because you spent so many years being drunk!!".

    Hmm- seemed to have overlooked that little fact.

    I've been so busy, first with fight Al, then with moving forward and getting on with life wihich happened to coincide with the very busy holidays that I just zoomed past the fact that there are a lot of physical and emotional messes that need to be addressed and cleaned up. This can prove interesting.

    Everyone have a great day.
    Love and Peace
    Rob
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    #2
    Wednesday January 9th at the Inn

    Mornin' Sunshines!!

    Oh, Rob! You are SOOOO not alone! Please take some time out of the business of cleaning to stop and be with yourself. Sometimes I notice I switch one thing for another. Like Al for business. It was a good thing that you were in a state of relaxation that you had your realization last night. Take more time for yourself. You will find our more... You are such an amazing person - see what we see!! I just love you, sister!

    Well, I have been up an adam since 4:30am. i went to bed early last night. My accupuncturist told me to start taking L-Tryptophan. i haven't been sleeping and I do not want to take sleeping pills. L-Tryptophan is really good for mood, relaxation and sleep. It is an Amino Acid, which plays a part in Seratonin and Melatonin. I started taking 500mg two nights ago, last night 1000mgs, and tonight 1500mgs, which is where you stop. Anyway, last night I slept better than I have in a few weeks, so I am excited to see how tonight goes. I feel pretty mellow this morning and had a great meditation - that is also a first in a few weeks. I'll keep you posted!

    OK.. gotta run and wake up my little sleeping beauty. She likes to snuggle when I wake her. I love it these days because I don't have a hangover, don't smell and love to hear her breathe. I actually make time in the morning for it now...

    Have a wonderful day to all that come...

    MM
    Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

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      #3
      Wednesday January 9th at the Inn

      MM- Thanks for the virtual love fest!! You are right on all counts.

      Those thoughts just before sleep and first thing on waking can be the most revealing. And yes, I spend very little time being and a lot doing or more accurately worring. Thanks so much for the reminder.

      Love and Peace
      Rob

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        #4
        Wednesday January 9th at the Inn

        Hello guys..... Rob - just give yourself a huge pat on the back for having started the clearing up! I am just looking at it...still....and worrying about it...and everything else!

        That moment between waking and sleeping at either end of the day is indeed most revealing; it is when our true soul is at it nearest the surface....act on those revealing things!

        MM - I am so glad the L-Tryp is working so well... and that you're sounding so bright and chirpy! I bet you give great snuggles!

        I am feeling more peaceful.....and I use that word purposefully! It's been a living Hell! Of my minds making of course! I know it...I knew it...but catching up with it to grab it by the hand and give it a cuddle has been nigh on impossible! Hence the phobic fears!

        I have been 'playing' (don't like 'working' but it is really) with what's been going on....the phobia is no doubt to do with abandonment....and I have been actuely aware over the years that the fear shoots up 'top right out of my head'..... somewhere I can't really see it and don't want to look! So, today....read some Toltec stuff about staying in the self...with the self....and Buddhist teaching basics (the answer's always in the basics of everything isn't it!!) of there being no fear in the present....especially if the present is filled with love.... OK. Got myself back in the now. Had been to scared to be there in case I found myself feeling sick...and to scared to use any imagination of the future or memory of the past with all that was imagined....so had completely 'vacated my mind' by then! So, I wasn't anywhere and I certainly wasn't with myself...I had abandoned myself so quite understandably was feeling utterly terrified! If phobia is a fear of anhililation, then, by deserting myself I had indeed 'been anhiliated'!!

        So, I found myself again (funny how I picked my name! Must have 'known' something!!) and reconnected with the Now....and felt calm and strong again....

        But it really was (is - I am sure I will need years of practice still!) the abandoning of myself...running out on my inner child and         adult.... poor wee things! And when I left them, I         was on my own, too!!! Eeek!

        I know this sounds odd but it is all Inner Child work, Chakra stuff, Buddhist and Toltec stuff....it's OK. I'm probably being the most 'sane' I've ever been!

        I mention all this coz (a) it's all tied up with the why I drank..and why it had crossed my mind to get some of the strong stuff in over the last few days (I didn't)....out of this terror/phobia. And (b) because, for me, it has very similar messages to drinking and craving etc.... I used to run out on one self as above and then numb the terrified abandoned one with booze. But if I stick around in the now and with myself, the desire completely goes away again. (I guess, come to think of it, it might be where the old saying, "Pull yourself together" comes from?!?! Except I prefer something less hard and bossy!)

        So, there you are - for now! I can't thank everybody enough for listening to me bang on.... I hope I can be more 'together' from now on - probably not; it's a big habitual response to change over night but...that's OK! FMS is in process!!

        Happy Wednesday all!

        Love FMS (again!) xx
        :heart: c: :heart:
        "Be patient and gentle with yourself - the magic is in you."

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          #5
          Wednesday January 9th at the Inn

          Morning Rob, MM, and Finding!

          Horrible grey yucky winter day here today? didn?t sleep well last night, so feel tired, lethargic and lazy?..and nerves are simmering under the surface again today?..

          MM, you, on the other hand, sound amazing?.you are like a new woman, so positive, happy, and together. (Even if, like me, we are members of the Insomniac Club)So wonderful to see you like that ?enjoy your time with your daughter, it?s precious?and yay on the no hangover/smelly breath, etc

          Rob - Want me to come over? I can honestly say there is nothing left in my house to sort, organize, haul, or clean. I have run out! Took me several weeks to do this, but there you are. Not that I enjoy the process, but I guess a person needs to move to a progressively smaller place every year so that you are forced to do this. My problem now is - what am I going to do to occupy myself for the remaining 2 ? weeks till we move, except sit and worry about selling the condo we are in now? I really don?t want to sit in MacDonald?s parking lot with the dawg eating French fries too many more times whilst we have viewings either!!!!! So, really, if I could ?beam up? and help you, I would gladly do it!!!!!

          Grrr, this is getting old. But not drinking. Have stuck to my resolve on that one. So there, take that, Al!!!

          Finding - you sound more positive today?.baby steps?.at least you have your phobia and your drinking connection sorted out?.all part of the process, I?m sure?..:l :l :l
          The furture lies before you like newly fallen snow - be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.

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            #6
            Wednesday January 9th at the Inn

            Evening Abberpals

            Nothing much to report from here......work is busy at the moment....it's raining....my neighbour's dog (whom I loved very much) had to be put to sleep yesterday...I feel very sad.....a friend's new grandson is poorly......hey ho.....life just rolls on!

            Sorry to sound a bit glum....but have loads to do this evening and really want an early night....so bye for now, hope everyone is doing ok


            Suze x
            Just hand me the chocolate and.........I'll consider my position. My solicitor has advised me to say no more than that.

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              #7
              Wednesday January 9th at the Inn

              Well, just a quick check in before bed...

              WOW Finding, that's all I can say!!!!!!!!! That is great stuff, sister! GIANT step, no baby step there... Talk about "finding".. I would sit with that for a while and let it just saturate you for a while... you are so wonderful!

              Well, I have taken my L- Trip (my new name for it.. hee-hee) so, I am off to bed. Boy, it really makes me sleepy. I am LOVIN' that!

              nighty night all...

              MM
              Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them, but do not let them master you. Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight.

              Comment

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