1. I feel normal when I drink. I "shutdown" when sober. I had 5 years once. I had to go to counseling after the first 6 months because I could not cry or feel without alcohol. When most people get sober they "feel" something. I am not talking about withdrawal. I just didn't feel or connect to anything. Least of all myself.
2. I am a "shut in". I am afraid. All the time.
3. I am dying anyway. I have Hepatitis C (untreated).
4. Its not that bad. I am drinking less. Liver failure?
5. I am not like you. I don't have a nice house, job, loving husband, insurance, car, hope, etc. I have already lost everything that meant anything.
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I lost my kids 7 years ago. They are now 18 and 21. I have done everything I said I would never do. I am so ashamed. I am 41. I was a daily drinker by 16.
My father ran a meth lab when I was 15. He was murdered when I was 18. They (funeral parlor) told me not to look under the sheet. I wish I would have listened. He was shot in the head 4 times. Still unsolved!
A year ago I went to detox/treatment again. I was drinking a 1/5 a day of gin or vodka daily and also had unlimited prescriptions for Vicodin and Valium. They had to carry me in.
After treatment my doctor put me on methadone for pain management. I took 1/2 of what was prescribed and thought I was doing OK. I wasn't drinking. The pharmacy messed up w/ my prescription and I went through methadone withdrawal for 10 days. I quit ALL pills. It was the worst! It doesn't make sense that something that makes me better makes me sicker in the long run.
I am off ALL pills. I am off hard alcohol. I am off all street drugs except for occasional marijuana.
I hope my story helps someone.
Daddy always said, "People don't hurt you, YOU let them hurt you". It's kind of obvious why I have "people" issues. I will probably dump and run.
My worst fear:
I exist in all my pain for eternity.
deja[/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT]
2. I am a "shut in". I am afraid. All the time.
3. I am dying anyway. I have Hepatitis C (untreated).
4. Its not that bad. I am drinking less. Liver failure?
5. I am not like you. I don't have a nice house, job, loving husband, insurance, car, hope, etc. I have already lost everything that meant anything.
----------------------------------------
I lost my kids 7 years ago. They are now 18 and 21. I have done everything I said I would never do. I am so ashamed. I am 41. I was a daily drinker by 16.
My father ran a meth lab when I was 15. He was murdered when I was 18. They (funeral parlor) told me not to look under the sheet. I wish I would have listened. He was shot in the head 4 times. Still unsolved!
A year ago I went to detox/treatment again. I was drinking a 1/5 a day of gin or vodka daily and also had unlimited prescriptions for Vicodin and Valium. They had to carry me in.
After treatment my doctor put me on methadone for pain management. I took 1/2 of what was prescribed and thought I was doing OK. I wasn't drinking. The pharmacy messed up w/ my prescription and I went through methadone withdrawal for 10 days. I quit ALL pills. It was the worst! It doesn't make sense that something that makes me better makes me sicker in the long run.
I am off ALL pills. I am off hard alcohol. I am off all street drugs except for occasional marijuana.
I hope my story helps someone.
Daddy always said, "People don't hurt you, YOU let them hurt you". It's kind of obvious why I have "people" issues. I will probably dump and run.
My worst fear:
I exist in all my pain for eternity.
deja[/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT]
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