I have been noting lately how silly my life has become. (It is getting better, slowly, but still). Every Monday morning I wake up and wait for the house to empty of the people who cannot know that I need a swig soon. Once the house is empty (I check to ensure the cars have actually left the premises) I go find the key to the liquor cabinet (we have a teenager in the house). I open the cabinet slowly and scout out all the bottles in search of something to mix with my juice, or coffee, or maybe I will have a diet coke and rum this morning. Sheryl Crow sings about a good beer buzz early in the morning, while someone washes their car and peels labels off of bottles of bud. So maybe beer this morning. I take my shower with chosen beverage in hand, blow dry my hair; carry my bottle of bud to the closet to get dressed. Carry it back to brush my teeth, Really, Croft.
It is now getting closer to time to go to work and I am on my second helping. I decide that I will only have one more and grab another bottle for the road, lock the cabinet back up and get in the car. On the way to work I decide that I will stop at the liquor store so that I can replenish the cabinet so no one will find out what is missing. Of course I have only had 3 beers and I buy a 6-pack. That leaves 3 beers with no home. We can?t have that. IT would not be fair to the other 3 beers if they had no home. Why not just have one more while I listen to the ?Rest of the Story?. Now it is ten o?clock. I have a meeting at 11:30, so I have to be in at least by then. And I am not totally buzzed. One more drink won?t hurt, then I will pick up lunch at a drive-thru ? I am buzzed as hell at this point and craving Taco Bell. Extra hot sauce please? ?Do you want anything to drink??, they ask. ?No, I am good with the drink.?
On the way home from work, I finish the 3rd beer and sneak into my house to hide the other 3 in the liquor cabinet. Then I get back in the car, drive to the liquor store and buy more. I drink this while I look for a dumpster, somewhat out of site to deposit my empties.
This routine continues along these lines for the rest of the week. Then I have the nerve to talk about a hard week at work and needing an adult beverage on Friday night. Maybe more than one. And Saturday is a day off. And Sunday is my last opportunity to have fun before Monday morning comes again.
It is getting better. I have gone well into the afternoon AF a few times now. I have been able to stop after 2 a few times now. But I still have days. I am trying so hard not to finish the Monday that started today. I am 2 drinks in and sitting at work trying not to go to lunch. If I leave it will be all over. If I get in that car, I will go to the liquor store.
The supplements help but they are wearing off. I could take more but I am already struggling to choke down the current dose of gigantic pills from hell. Now I am hoping the Topo arrives soon. I am hoping that it will finally be the magic thing that helps me get this under control.
And then I remind myself that I have made progress. Maybe today is not the day. Maybe I need a day of rest??.well, would you look at that ? rationalizing???I just caught myself rationalizing. I just hope I can get through the rest of the day without drinking too much more.
It is now getting closer to time to go to work and I am on my second helping. I decide that I will only have one more and grab another bottle for the road, lock the cabinet back up and get in the car. On the way to work I decide that I will stop at the liquor store so that I can replenish the cabinet so no one will find out what is missing. Of course I have only had 3 beers and I buy a 6-pack. That leaves 3 beers with no home. We can?t have that. IT would not be fair to the other 3 beers if they had no home. Why not just have one more while I listen to the ?Rest of the Story?. Now it is ten o?clock. I have a meeting at 11:30, so I have to be in at least by then. And I am not totally buzzed. One more drink won?t hurt, then I will pick up lunch at a drive-thru ? I am buzzed as hell at this point and craving Taco Bell. Extra hot sauce please? ?Do you want anything to drink??, they ask. ?No, I am good with the drink.?
On the way home from work, I finish the 3rd beer and sneak into my house to hide the other 3 in the liquor cabinet. Then I get back in the car, drive to the liquor store and buy more. I drink this while I look for a dumpster, somewhat out of site to deposit my empties.
This routine continues along these lines for the rest of the week. Then I have the nerve to talk about a hard week at work and needing an adult beverage on Friday night. Maybe more than one. And Saturday is a day off. And Sunday is my last opportunity to have fun before Monday morning comes again.
It is getting better. I have gone well into the afternoon AF a few times now. I have been able to stop after 2 a few times now. But I still have days. I am trying so hard not to finish the Monday that started today. I am 2 drinks in and sitting at work trying not to go to lunch. If I leave it will be all over. If I get in that car, I will go to the liquor store.
The supplements help but they are wearing off. I could take more but I am already struggling to choke down the current dose of gigantic pills from hell. Now I am hoping the Topo arrives soon. I am hoping that it will finally be the magic thing that helps me get this under control.
And then I remind myself that I have made progress. Maybe today is not the day. Maybe I need a day of rest??.well, would you look at that ? rationalizing???I just caught myself rationalizing. I just hope I can get through the rest of the day without drinking too much more.
uch: :argh: :argh:
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