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WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

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    #1

    WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

    Hi Everyone, Sweetpea here

    :yougo: to a fantastic group of supportive group of firecrackers (anybody and everybody welcome to join in as and when you want to)

    I actually made this comment on my post today.................................

    "Fby yes I am feeling more positive - depressive black holes do nothing for my complexion :H !! Let me know about getting rid of the old stuff - seems the story of my life - think I am getting over a situation - then bang something else happens and instead of dealing with the last thing, I truck the whole damn lot out again!!!!!!!!!!! - Am I the only want that does that - Mnnnnnnnn - might start another thread and see what comes out"


    To all you senior members, I am sorry if I have missed any threads that might have addressed this before, but, like all the other newbies here, I have not actually dealt with this fundamental problem in my life, despite numerous counsellings sessions - It is still destroying me!! and I would suspect many here - ANY HELP GREATLY APPRECIATED

    LOTS OF LOVE SWEETPEAXXXXX:h :l
    :flower: Keep strong and focused things do get better and you will find your happy :h
    Tags: None
    #2
    WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

    Antidepressants helped me with this, especially Prozac. I am especially sensitive to side effects though so I am on Emsam, it's an antidepressant patch. I went to counseling for years before I trieds medication, best thing I ever did.
    Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
    - George Jackson

    Comment

      #3
      WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

      Sweetpea,

      #1. Do not give up. This struggle is for our lives. Period.

      #2. We have used a drug to deal with our issues. (Geez, you mean non drinkers have issues, too???)

      #3. We must learn to deal with our issues without the drug. Sounds easy, but it isn't.

      My counselor and I are talking about those things. How do deal with the junk life throws at you without the anesthesia of alcohol. I am married to someone who has never drunk, drugged or numbed. He just takes what life throws at him and deals with it. He is my model. No. He is not perfect in anyway. But, it just NEVER occurs to him to side step the issues of life with something to make the pain go away.

      We do.

      Let's figure out how to deal with life.

      I am right there with you. Trying to figure out how to deal with real life.

      Love,
      Cindi
      AF April 9, 2016

      Comment

        #4
        WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

        count me in too!!! Yep I do this exact same thing...
        It sure is hard to deal with everyday problems without alcohol, isn't it? Not that alcohol really helped fix the problems to begin with...just numbed us...
        I am struggling myself right now with just plain living and feeling down, sad, depressed, bored, etc. Been numbing myself for 20+ years and these last 3 weeks haven't been the best. Not easy to learn how to LIVE at age 42.

        Comment

          #5
          WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

          For me, this was one of my biggest hurdles in becoming sober. Dealing with life on life's terms.

          The pain of the past, and the struggles of the present.

          Seeking counseling is a great start. Also, if you are prone to depression - medication can help as well.

          Positive thinking really helped me. It takes a while to really get yourself to believe that you are worthy - of whatever it may be.

          Staying sober, after time, really helps you cope. I use to drown myself in vodka or wine, and it only enhanced the bad feelings I had. Once you are sober for a while, the 'bad stuff' doesn't seem so bad, because you are starting to feel better about yourself.

          Learning to forgive is a huge step too. Forgiving yourself, others, whoever.... I am working on this part now.

          These things take time.... there is no miracle out there but you can start today and tell yourself that you deserve to be happy.

          Comment

            #6
            WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

            Hi sweetpea! I've been doing a lot of reading about this over the past few hours as it is something I am trying to learn more about in relation to my own depression. just read this article on Wikpedia below and thought it may be useful.

            Causes of depression according to cognitive theory

            One etiological theory of depression is the Aaron Beck cognitive theory of depression. His theory is regarded as the most verified psychological theory of depression. His theory states that depressed people think the way they do because their thinking is biased towards negative interpretations. According to Beck?s theory of the etiology of depression, depressed people acquire a negative schema of the world in childhood and adolescence. (Children and adolescents who suffer from depression acquire this negative schema earlier.) Depressed people acquire such schemas through a loss of a parent, rejection of peers, criticism from teachers or parents, the depressive attitude of a parent and other negative events. When the person with such schemas encounters a situation that resembles in some way, even remotely, the conditions in which the original schema was learned, the negative schemas of the person are activated. [7]

            Beck also included a negative triad in his theory. A negative triad is made up of the negative schemas and cognitive biases of the person. A cognitive bias is a view of the world. Depressed people, according to this theory, have views such as ?I never do a good job.? A negative schema helps give rise to the cognitive bias, and the cognitive bias helps fuel the negative schema. This is the negative triad. Also, Beck proposed that depressed people often have the following cognitive biases: arbitrary inference, selective abstraction, overgeneralization, magnification and minimization. These cognitive biases are quick to make negative, generalized, and personal inferences of the self, thus fueling the negative schema.

            It makes a lot sense to me reading this, especially about learned behavioral patterns. I'm in the process of trying to change mine at the moment through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy courses. It is something that is not going to happen over night though as I have years of negative thinking to break down and a whole new way of thinking to introduce.

            Love and Happiness
            Hippie
            xx
            "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
            Clean and sober 25th January 2009

            Comment

              #7
              WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

              oh the joys of living on this planet.....sigh.

              db2fromala - you are married to my hubby!!!

              Counseling works, Celexa (my anti-depresant of choice) works, this web-site works. It all works, but as was already stated, this is a life-long haul. Thank goodness we have each other to keep us company along the way.

              Comment

                #8
                WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

                SweetPea,
                Thanks for starting this thread! A subject near and dear (?) to my heart and mind, as AFM and a few others know! The baggagge we all carry forward can overcome our best intentions. I know from my own life that there are 50 year old pieces of antique luggage still on my handcart, and I really need to figure out how to unload them. I have tried the therapy route, but was not particularly successful with the different "specialists" I went to; so for now I am not going to follow that roadmap. I am taking a long hard and difficult look at all of the negative stuff I carry around, and am trying to figure out which of the items have any relavance to who I am today and where I am goiing, and am working on deleting the negatives! I do need to rediscover the positive about myself, and be willing to rejoice in those positive thoughts and deeds.
                A part of this journey is to learn more constructive thoughts, better behaviour particularly in my "downtime" and ways to occupy my mind and hands when I am not working. I have always felt guilty about "wasting" time by watching a TV program, or reading something light and non-work related. This type of behaviour in myself is something I feel needs to be corrected.
                I am looking forward to more inputs on this thread!
                BHOG
                War isn't working. Let's try Peace!

                Comment

                  #9
                  WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

                  Hippie, Sweetpea and BHOG,

                  (I do not mean to disinclude all others on this thread)

                  I have tried to "look" at why I have this, get numb, get drunk way of dealing with "bad" things and your post, Hippie, gave me some good insight.

                  When I was 13 I lost my best friend to a motorcycle accident. When I was 16 I lost one of my dearest friends to a car accident.

                  Hmmm. What way other than alcohol or drugs was there to deal with that?

                  Gary (motorcycle victim) was my closest friend. One day he was here and the next day he wasn't. Period

                  Alex (car accident) was one of my dearest friends. One day he was here and the next day he wasn't. Period.

                  Hmm. I think drinking made it all hurt less. No. drinking made it all hurt less. Period.

                  However, life does that. It throws you curve balls and serious stuff and....

                  I MUST learn how to deal with life without alcohol.

                  Love,
                  Cindi

                  ps. I am going through this right now with my daughter. She is so sick, (since August) she can't keep anything down. Yesterday, I bought her some Gatorade and she took a swig, she had to pull over and throw up all over the place. Yes. I want alcohol to make me numb to this. I really and truly do. However, what good will it do except make me incapable of helping her?

                  Help. Nope, no one can help. I MUST figure out what needs to be done to help her. I would rather, however, just be lost in the oblivion of my drug,,, alcohol.
                  AF April 9, 2016

                  Comment

                    #10
                    WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

                    :wow3: some profound statements. I am just on my way out but wanted to thank you all for your comments. I will take time out to digest them all tomorrow and will respond accordingly - Thank you so much keep them rolling in

                    :l Sweetpea xx
                    :flower: Keep strong and focused things do get better and you will find your happy :h

                    Comment

                      #11
                      WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

                      Morning all

                      I have read and re - read the useful and helpful comments and have decided to print everything off and highlight a way forward for me as an individual

                      The first list I am going to make is -

                      What can I change about myself now - achievable small steps

                      What can I change about myself mid term - achievable small steps

                      What can I change about myself long term - achievable small steps

                      What can I not achieve by myself so I can ask for help on MWO

                      I will post again when I have done this

                      Obviously any other comments will always be appreciated

                      Love Sweetpea Thank you all so much xx
                      :flower: Keep strong and focused things do get better and you will find your happy :h

                      Comment

                        #12
                        WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

                        Sweetpea, had been on anti-depressants for a while, started counseling, was going well until this week. She told me to try an AA meeting. Horrible experience for me, brought back flash backs. Then in yesterday's session began dissecting that part of my childhood which brought me joy. I'm trying not to let her words destroy the memories that are so important to me. Seeing a new MD today to evaluate my meds.

                        Cindi, my prayers are with you, Adrienne and the rest of your family.

                        AFM, wonderful words. Thank you.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

                          I definitely agree it goes back to CHILDHOOD or lossing someone close..I know sometimes i do feel depress. my brother suffered 11 years with depression... He was in and out of mental hospitals for months. I promised myself i would never go down that road. Seeing my brother go through so many different medication i swear to god that what f**k his kidneys up. Anyway i will be going counseling on a 1to1, weather it will help, just have to wait and see. I think what has help seeing my brother like this has made me that bit stronger in myself.. i do feel sometimes he is there with me.:h

                          Sweeetpea.. you can ahieve anything if you put your mind to it.

                          Love
                          Teardrop.x
                          family is everything to me

                          Comment

                            #14
                            WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

                            Teardrop, I hope the counseling brings you peace, something that is alluding me. I admire your strength and positive spirit.
                            s

                            Comment

                              #15
                              WHY CAN'T WE LET GO OF THE PAST BAD EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES

                              Cindi just to say we all love you and hang on in there:h Sweetpea :l xxxxxx

                              Teardrop keep strong xxx

                              Everyone else I am working on the NEW ME :H

                              Thank you all for your contribution to help me see how I can make a Small immediate step

                              1 - ALWAYS LOOK AT BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN - Is my glass half empty or half full - Not of big AL ha ha Example

                              Son goes to visit Mother in Law instead of me

                              HALF EMPTY - Why the hell am I not getting a visit - it is my turn - what have I done wrong!!!!!
                              HALF FULL - It is my turn for a visit but I know he is such a caring soul so there must be a good reason why he is going - He will tell me in all good time (think I might shine my halo at this point BUT the deed has to be done!!!!)

                              A relatively simple exercise which I plan to implement immediately - Every time I have a negative thought I am going to look and see what is on the other side of the coin before I get depressed and go in search of AL. If I try and do this every time I have a negative thought it should, given practice, hopefully stop me from looking at what I have lost instead of what I might gain. We are all human and this is going to be a life changing strategy but if I am a depressive soul by nature through my upbringing then the only person that can make that change now is me - With the help of MWO friends LOLovexx

                              Still thinking about the rest. It has taken me years to get into this state so it will take time

                              Sweetpea xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
                              :flower: Keep strong and focused things do get better and you will find your happy :h

                              Comment

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