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View Full Version : Today is my first day!!!!



Guest
April 5th, 2006, 01:47 AM
Hello everyone!

Today is my first day on Topamax, the suppliments, the cd's, and working out. Because of my DUI, I rode my bike to the gym. I have discovered that is a blessing in disguise! I wanted to let everyone know I do not want to drink this evening. I also feel pretty darn good. I need support. Send me some words of encouragement. I am a tough gal, but you know we all need support!! Today is a good day for me. I also wanted to mention I am taking wellbutrin for smoking and depression, and valium for cravings at night and to calm me down. This appears to be working well for me. I have a fantastic physician who is extremely open minded about alcoholism. He told me that if I think I have a problem, then I do, and he would give me whatever I felt I needed to recover. He is the most awesome doctor ever. He is in agreement that if I am not comfortable with going to AA, then don't do it. He called it a sort of quasi-religion. He is also not happy with the strict DUI laws, he said it's out of control and to not beat myself up over what happened to me. Anyway, he was supportive of this program, because it allows moderate drinking. He is just an outstanding physician.

Anyone who is doing this program full-blown, let me know how you are doing. I want it to work for me, I believe in it with all of my heart.

Jamie

Guest
April 5th, 2006, 02:26 AM
Hello Jamie, You have every right to believe in this program with all of your heart. It really does work. It's an amazing program that is working well for me, and, although I've only been doing it for just over 2 weeks, my alcohol consumption has gone from about 8 or 9 litres of wine a week to, well it averages out at around 1 litre a week! And, as I have said in other posts, even most of that wine I didn't really want. It was just the habit of having it that made me continue to drink it! The meds and supps really do vastly reduce the craving and taste for alcohol. Even when I did allow myself wine, I didn't really enjoy it!!! I just felt nothing. It didn't even taste of anything. The CDs were very helpful to me at the beginning, I've kind of lapsed with them now but plan to get back into them again. They must work subconsciously as many nights I have fallen asleep with the headset on and woken up in the morning refreshed and raring to go! I have never dabbled with hypno tapes before.

You really have it all going for you - you have found this program, you have this site with all the support you can handle and you have a great physician, not to mention your determination!

This is a great site for just emptying your head and you'll be amazed at what comes out. A lot of times other people will have had very similiar experiences or thoughts so you are not alone!

Guest
April 5th, 2006, 08:03 AM
Hey Jamie,

Welcome aboard! I can tell you are going to do great here. You already have a wonderful attitude, a great doc, and now you are part of a terrific group.

I've been on the site since December. I've been doing the topa and the program since then. I haven't been as good as I could have been with the CD's and the exercise:o , but religious about the topa and supplements. Topa helped me cut my drinking in half almost immediately. I had 11 days of abstinence in January after I got to 200 mg topa, then got cocky and drank a few times socially, hit a stressful time (too much work and not enough time) and slipped back into my old patterns pretty quickly. I hadn't worked hard enough or long enough to develop good coping mechanisms for stressful times. I cut back on the topa (got too dopey with the drinking and the hangovers were hell!) and prepared myself to start again, which I did on March 13. I've now been over 3 weeks abstinent.

Everyone does this program their own way. The jury is still out for me about whether I want to go for abstinence or moderation, but in Moderation Management, they recommend that you abstain for a month before going for moderation, and that is what I am doing right now, before I decide.

I think that topa is as close to a magic bullet as you can get. As you let it work its magic on you, though, do take the time to make game plans to deal with stress, watch out for celebratory drinking :rollin , read these posts--Vida21 has posted a number of tools to help with stressful stuff, as have others, so that you can really have the relationship with alcohol that you want to have.

Good luck, Jamie!

Kathy:)

Guest
April 5th, 2006, 09:31 AM
Hi Jamie,

Welcome aboard. I started the program by the book ten days ago. I have decided that drinking is not in my forseable future. I need to clear out the cobwebs from the last five years of abuse I have put my body through. I don't know where my road will lead in the end, but for now I am just focused on the program and following the steps outlined in the book. I do the sups, the cd's, and the topa as if they were my second job!!

I too have a very supportive doctor. Isn't that a blessing? He has never heard of this program but is very excited in my progress and supports it 100%. As he puts it "there is more than one way to make spaghetti sauce"

It sounds like you are off to a great start. I look forward to hearing from you in the days to come to see how things are going. Best of luck to you!!

Donna

Guest
April 5th, 2006, 09:39 AM
Hi Jamie,

This is a wonderful program, has changed my life so much! I started taking the topa, supps, cd's...doing the whole program on Jan. 18th. I use to drink 12-18 beers a day! The first month I had 2 bindge days very early on and then maybe 6 beers total for the next month. The last two weeks in Feburary I did slack and got bored...fell down. Had to kick my butt back into gear. Since March 1st I have had 3 beers (out with hubby and friends one night). Other than that nothing by choice!

The supps and topa do help, but you have to help yourself, learn to like yourself without the alcohol. The mental and boredom cravings were my toughest and still give me a kick now and then! But I just give them a big kick right back!

My goal is and has always been "social drinking and a social event only". I don't drink at home alone any more, and I don't keep it in the house! The hardest part was getting started, then the first week. Now there are days that do go by where I don't even think about drinking! There are still some days where I wish I could drink to get drunk like I use to also...but then I sit back and realize that I am so much happier (grumpy at times, lol) but happier and my family is happy to have me around all the time now too!

Good luck. YOU can do this! It is wonderful out here on the otherside!

Best wishes,
Tammie

PS -- Oh, by the way...one thing I did want to stress is to make sure you stick to the supplement schedule exspecially in the beginning! That really helped me and stopped the full blown cravings before they got out of hand!;)

Guest
April 6th, 2006, 12:28 AM
This is day two

Hello all,

Thank you for your wonderful responses. I have been doing the program religiously these past two days. I spent a long time at the gym today. I noticed after we left the gym, about 15 minutes after I took my noon meds/topa/sups, I became weepy. I have been a little weepy on and off all day. Has this happened to anyone else? I am ok with it, I can deal with any side effects. I just noticed I was crying in the locker room for no reason! And then just now this evening too. So my wonderful fiance brought me some tea and a valium. He is such a blessing. I am so proud of myself, one day at a time. tomorrow I am going to ride my bike to the gym again and spend some time on the eliptical trainer. I am feeling sleepy a lot. I know that's normal, right? I have read that a lot from other people. So it's hard to get motivated to clean my house. But, when I'm sleepy, and I am able to just sit on the couch, that's the perfect time to pop in the cd.

Thank you everyone, I am in this for the long haul!

Jamie

Guest
April 6th, 2006, 07:50 AM
Re: This is day two

Hey Jamie,
Welcome!
About the weepiness, you are going through emotional changes and certainly dealing with lifestyle changes as far as the drinking goes, right. Then to have such a kick-butt work out (nice job!)... a physical release.... I can see the weepiness. It's a lot for even a strong- and you sound strong- person to take. You are DOING it!! Your fiance sounds so supportive, your doc sounds amazing, keep it up!
The weepiness will pass with each new day you find new happiness and success in what you have accomplished with your personal goals.
Much, much love and happy thoughts to ya-
Becca

Guest
April 6th, 2006, 07:58 AM
Re: This is day two

You'll want to clean your house eventually. Please don't underestimate what you are undertaking here. I think it takes about two weeks to really start to "get with the program". As long as you're not drinking, try to be kind to yourself in every other respect! I think people expect themselves to carry on with business as usual, when in fact, you are letting go of an important relationship, your relationship with alcohol. For the first week of abstinence I did three main things: I went to work, I got online with MWO, and I didn't drink. Not drinking took a lot of psychic energy, even though I wasn't actually doing a darn thing! Give yourself time and space, housework will come. In fact, you'll get bored with just "not drinking" and the energy will come at you!

Good luck and hang in there!
Kathy:)

Guest
April 6th, 2006, 10:57 AM
Re: This is day two

Jamie,

Hang in there; you are doing a wonderful and great job!

The cries are a form a withdrawl. I had them alot when I first stopped drinking. For me it was like losing my best friend! Some times it seemed I would start crying for know reason at all. And just like Kathy said the first week you really just want to take care of yourself. That is all I did and all I could do! I am so glad that you have a wonderful and supportive partner, that really makes a big difference!

It will get easier...just keep taking it step by step and day by day!

~Tammie

Guest
April 6th, 2006, 12:53 PM
Re: This is day two

Jammie,

What Becca, Tammie, and Kathy said is true. I staarted last week. I found that I was emotional and very tired. I did nothing much but listen to the cd's, concentrate on not drinking, get use to the program, and let my husband do all the cooking. It is great that you have the support that you have. Trust me, here in week two, I am feeling full of energy and hope!! It gets better, really. For now, just take care of yourself and concentrate on getting use to the program. You are laying the foundation for the rest of your life!! That is a pretty BIG job. You are doing GREAT! Hang in there!!

Donna

Guest
April 7th, 2006, 05:20 AM
Day Three!!

Hello all,

Day three and feeling great. I cleaned my house for the first time in a very long time. I felt like my mind was very clear. I was not sure of that was because of the lack of alcohol for three days, or if it was the topa/sups/exersise. I kinda think it's the latter. I was very happy all day, and not weepy like yesterday. I wasn't uphoric or anything, just in a darn good mood all day. I even had dinner on the table when fiance and the kids got home, and then we went to the gym where I spent a half hour on the eliptical trainer. Then we came home and I made all their lunches for tomorrow. I never do this. I have been depressed for so long, I don't even recognize this person I am becoming! I only pray it stays this way. I haven't felt this good in... about four years. And I am still smoking because the wellbutrin has not yet kicked in for that. BUT i FEEL FANTASTIC.

I have gone from a person who laid on the couch, hung over and crying all day, to a person who feels like a normal person again. God I hope this lasts. Do you think it will? I am praying to God every day that I never go back to the person I was. Never ever again.

Jamie

Guest
April 7th, 2006, 08:06 AM
Re: Day Three!!

Hey Jamie,
I can relate to what you said about the mood change. It's amazing - and a little nerve-wracking. I know I wondered if it was too good to be true. I, also was so depressed and disgusted with myself that I could not see an out.
I started Wellbutrin before I got all the supps. After a few days I was smiling and thinking life was pretty darn good!
It hasn't changed too much, but I am finding that I am leveling out now.
I'm not on Topa, but am managing to not drink - only 3-4 glasses of wine in the past 5 weeks.
The best part is I feel hope. Even though life isn't perfect and the stress feels heavy, I am able to cope! And I'm not cranky all the time.
I know happiness will come with the release of some "baggage" I've been toting around, but this levelness of mood and sense of pride is taking me exactly where I want to go. I know it.
Like you, I never want to go back to where I was again. And I think that is as good a motivator as anything.
Take care,
Helen

Guest
April 7th, 2006, 10:28 AM
Re: Day Three!!

I think you're getting on your way, Jamie. Keep the faith, you will have some ups and downs. Try not to think every little "down" means "crash and burn"! Real life has ups and downs! There's no reason to think that you won't keep getting better!

Hugs,
Kathy