AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

[beatle]

Hi All!

Sorry I missed posting yesterday. But I did read through all the posts, and as usual this is quite a dynamic and thought-provoking crowd... and a crowd it is these days-- The more the merrier, I say.

I don't have much to add or offer today. I'm just busy with all the pre-helliday hoopla. Being busy is good for staying AF, but I'm feeling the strain already and am needing some quiet time for myself to just think... and prepare myself psychologically.

But I'm feeling good and full of energy-- one of the biggest payoffs for staying sober. Things are just not so overwhelming as they used to be. I go about my business, checking off items from my lists, and just getting on with things. (Like a normal person, I suppose!)

Have a great Day one and all!

-b

Joke for the day (skip if you are in a hurry):

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway and tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”

“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”

“Alright, we could get a blood sample.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”

“Fine then, just walk this white line.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m drunk.”

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

WHEE Beatle!!! Do you have a never ending supply of jokes? That is funny.

You know, all drinking ever did for us at this time of year was cause us to work through the all the busy busy stuff we're doing this year, but with a hangover. I'm WAY too old to have to struggle through everything of life with a hangover.

I attended a SMART on-line meeting last night and I'm glad I did. I've been a little remiss about that lately and I always learn something. The meetings seem slow to start out - the check in process takes a long time if there are lots of people. But once the discussion gets going we always end up incorporating a SMART tool it seems, and those meetings are where I seem to learn the most about using the tools. I've got a couple things I'm going to work on additing to my Cost Benefit Analysis and after I do, I'll post the updated version in My New Story Starts Here for anyone interested. I will be adding some specific stories. (yikes - don't even like thinking about that, but I'm sure getting even more specific will make it an even more powerful tool for me...) I'm also going to add something about all the lies which Mary noticed was missing. Geez - can't believe I neglected THAT biggie!

Well, I'm up and at 'em early today filling my tank with AF thoughts before the busy part of the day begins. You guys rock!

DG

[Guitarista]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Greetings all!...Ah, yes Beatle, another ripsnorter of a joke....thankyou. Yep, lot's more energy sober!

By the way. Today is Startingovers 5th. month AF., so why not come, one and all, and give her a cheer. Awesome work Starter's!.....Be strong folk's, G.

[Guitarista]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

And hello DG!

[brittzak]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Goodmorning Ladies and all to follow after us!!!! Look like we are the early risers. I have contracted a cold and wake each day about 4 am to a hacking cough. I am thanking God I never smoked as I recall my Mama waking each day coughing and this is getting on my nerves and I am only on day 2.

Have been so busy with holiday preparations I haven't even had a thought to stop at the store after work..just realized that actually. Today I have a luncheon for my crew at work. For the first time in a couple of years I am fully prepared and HAPPY to be doing it. It wasnt a drag getting ready for. I have pulled it off in the past but MAN OH MAN it was a challenge. Not this time. Feels good...

I am going to have to check out this other site...SMART Recovery??? I keep reading about it here. Have a happy Sober day all...

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

DG, I promised myself yesterday I would figure out how to fix up my computer and set things up so I can do one of those SMART online meetings.... wish we had F2F ones around here (they have them at the VA hospital, but only VA patients can attend...). And this leads me to recognize that I can ALSO make it a goal to create a SMART meeting locally... there's a whole set of tools for doing that. A great project for the upcoming new year, and I am MORE than determined to play my part in making 2009 a WHOLE lot better than 2008. This year, I have had some very significant losses and sorrow. And yet... I quit drinking. That did, and will, make all the difference.

Hey, Beatle! ... and you're right, G.! Starting Over's gone past 5 months! Thanks for the reminder!

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Hi Everyone:

I have SMART on my computer but haven't really delved into it. I'll have to do that. I do like the idea of making a pro/con list to drinking & not drinking. DG, I'll be looking forward to seeing your new expanded version on your story thread. I know that for me, the biggest con to drinking was the lying, hiding, & subterfuge.
-the actual physical hiding of bottles & drinking.
-hiding the fact that I couldn't remember what was said & done on a given night.
-paying cash instead of credit so there wouldn't be a paper trail.
-going from store to store so that no one would recognize me.
-etc.
When I think about it, I cringe.

Believe it or not, I was so deep in denial before MWO, I didn't think anything was wrong w/all that. It's only after I came here & saw other peoples' posts about the same thing that I realized something was very wrong w/all that. No wonder it's so hard to climb out of the pit.

I'm thankful to be sober & hangover-free today. I won't let anything spoil that!

Mary

[charlee]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Morning all
Mary, I did make a pro/con list and was amazed when I started listing all the "cons"....What we go through to drink, exhausted me mentally!. It was a real eye opener.
OK I am going to actually say this and type this. I am (I think) ready to give up the ciggs!!!. The thought scares me to death, but it is time. I am going to check into the Chantix. I guess I will appy the same techniques as I did with the drink. I know I really have to want it, make the committment, surrender and accept to the fact it has control over me......oh dear!!!..Here I go again!!
Wishing everyone a great day.....

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Hey, Charlee, good for you! Here's something I found online that is written for smokers who are working on quitting... it caught my attention because it is easily applicable to alcohol, too:

Like Mark Twain I am an eternal quitter, this fact alone attests to the truth that smoking is a strong chemical addiction, and quitting has a high failure rate. The difference between Mark and me is that even though I am smoking now I don’t want to be a smoker any more. I accept that smoking gives me some pleasure but I know the pleasure is only a chemical reaction to a hole being filled by nicotine, a hole that was originally dug by nicotine and one which will never be filled no matter how many cigarettes I smoke.

For all of you struggling with your quit as I have in the past, here is a bulletin from someone currently smoking as to why I wouldn’t bother starting again if I were you. The first second you inhale that first cigarette when you have decided to abandon your quit (and it is a decision, even if it is under duress), you will feel a heady cocktail of negative emotions, shame, disappointment, self loathing, and a dirty sort of guilty pleasure. The first cigarette will not deliver the relief you thought it would and will burn down so quickly that you will immediately want another to see if it will give you the relief. Really its just your body building up its supply of nicotine, giving you nothing in return except guilt, smelly breath and headaches.

You promise yourself that you will only have a couple but before the evening is out you have gone through 10 and that was by being really frugal and watching the clock to see if your next one was due yet. No pleasure anymore because now you are rationing and you can remember what it was like after a couple of weeks into your quit when hours would go by without you wanting one, but here you are back again craving. You begin by smoking on the sly, walks on your own, or hiding out in the backyard thinking that you will stop again soon that this is just a blip.

Soon, very soon, you start telling people that you caved in and that you are only having ‘a few’ until you quit again, but of course you are lying, you are smoking much more than that and the more you smoke the less likely and the more difficult it will be for you to face into a new quit. You feel doubly ashamed because now you are lying to your friends and family and it was only yesterday that they were so proud of you.

It takes no time before the sneaky ones you have in your car start to stink it out again, and even though you shower regularly and make sure you smoke outdoors, your fingers begin to have that familiar stench that no amount of soap can ever cover up. And then there is your old friend the morning cough, it unpacks its bags and greets you the first morning after you have smoked, ‘long time no see, I’ll never leave you again’ it says.

Even before that you notice things you never noticed when you were a hardened smoker, like the soreness in your throat when you inhale even one, the sinus dripping down the back of your throat when you lie down, and the sulphurous taste in your mouth after a nap even though you have brushed your teeth fastidiously. The money you took out of the bank to buy lunches for the week only lasts 3 days and you have to make another withdrawal. At first you don’t care because you can afford it but it doesn’t take long before you realise that you are avoiding the shopping malls, not because you don’t need any clothes or want to shop, but because the internal auditor inside you is reminding you that smoking must come first.

Like an abusive relationship, you have returned to your bullying partner who makes sure it controls everything again, your money, your time, your emotions, your health, your friendships, your self esteem. It owns you again and in return it gently and lovingly administers the poison you love so well. Patiently it waits, nursing you through all those chest infections, sore throats, teeth and gum problems and wheezing until its finest hour when it becomes your palliative nurse in your final years.

So many surprises it has in store for you, will it be the slow suffocation of emphysema where you experience the pleasure of breathing for years as if a pillow was put over your face and sleep sitting up every night until you eventually succumb to exhaustion? Perhaps the double pleasure of Lung Cancer where you experience all of the above with the added pleasure of eternally drowning in your own phlegm while white hot pokers are left inside your lungs for up to nine months sizzling away inside while you cry in panicky agony for your next morphine shot? Perhaps the joys of having a stroke are in store for you, where you are perfectly lucid trapped inside a shell of a body while your loved ones, perhaps your children take turn to feed you, if you can still swallow, and complete strangers wipe your *** and care to your sanitary needs.

Or maybe you will cheat on your Nicotine nurse by having a major heart attack in your forties or fifties brought on by lots of cigarette love, leaving years of unlived life and friends and family behind. I intend leaving Nick again next Monday lets hope this time it will be for good, because that kind of loving I can do without.

To those of you who have escaped, stay away, this is not life, this is half-life.When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change ~ Wayne Dyer

Source: QuitSmokingMessageBoard.com • Index page

[LVT25]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Ok, now that WIP's back, I'm feeling a little more positive today.

Congrats starting over!!

Thanks for posting the anti-smoking blurb wip. Ina bit of a rush this morning, but will def read it in in it's entirety first chance I get! You can do this Charlee! I quit-starting in March-went totally smoke free June 1st--f'd-up one night in Sept (2 cigs)--been totally nicotine free ever since. AND IT FEELS GREAT!! It does get easier with time, just like the AL. You will not regret quitting!!

Well, I gotta run--off to the dermatologist for a little minor surgery and a skin cancer screening. (too many years in the sun!) :h

[cymru]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Good one beatle. Day 9 and feeling fine!
facing up to alot of things that ive put to one side recently. Makes you feel so much better to deal with things and clear the plates before they crash and burn.

[AAthlete]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Good morning all. Today I am going to be focusing on my humility. If I am honest with myself, I haven't had that over the last week and it is one of the cornerstones to my recovery. To me, humility amounts to a clear recognition of what and who I really am, followed by a sincere attempt to become what I could be.

It is so easy to fall back into my alcoholic thinking, to start believing that the world revolves around me, and that everything should be done my way and my way only. If I am able to be humble I can get out of thinking only about myself and do things for other people, whether that be opening a door, saying a kind word, or picking a meaningful gift when Christmas shopping.

When I can do that, it puts me in a place where I can keep enough perspective and enough balance so that I can see the world as a whole, not just through my rose-colored glasses. I do have to remember that I am not perfect and never will be. I will do things wrong, but if I have balance in my life I will also realize the good things I have done as well.

I truly hope everyone has a wonderful Tuesday.

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

I can see that this thread is already going on a positive, helpful note. I'll be back...volunteering in my g-son's Kinder class. Mary

[beatle]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

HI all. Good to feel those positive vibes.

Thanks AA... you hit on some key words (or concepts):

Humility
Perspective
Balance

Together, they can do an awful lot for us.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Remember, one and all, you are unique-- just like everyone else!

[namaste]

AF Daily, Tuesday, Dec. 9

Good Morning...well, it's approaching noon on the east coast USA. I'm good today, really. Coming back from a flu bug and finally getting to feel the benefits of detoxification..other than the slightly annoying side effects of the topamax, my energy is coming back and I'm taking care of business. I'm between 50mg and supposed to ramp up to 75mg but may hold at 50...I don't do well on it really..It helps me get over the hump of a long binge but long term is worse than a long term hangover and eventually I have to get off it..so I'll be making the decision of direction I'll go in soon. I've been strong in my decision for abstinence, especially since finally discarding moderation as an option, which only made my journey complicated and a covert self mind f__k for me to engage in (sorry..but that is what it was for me.. hard lessons learned for me.)

I have a lot going on and am grateful that I can do what I can do. I have received some precious gifts on my journey this year..something about time, a perspective about time that I don't think I've really had before. Maybe because I learned, and do believe, that now is the only thing that is real.. I have understood that on a conceptual and intellectual level for a long time, but the shift is that I seem to have it on another level and it's allowed me to go about my day more present and without fear, of whatever, I think there are a lot of other factors at play here though..a stronger faith, definitely humility... so I'm enjoying what I'm doing more, and just the process of doing what I'm doing... I've worked hard and have some confidence now.. maybe it's that I have survived and despite my transgressions, I can count on myself (and God) to save myself.. and people like you, when it comes down to it. Maybe I'm powerless over alcohol, but I am definitely not powerless.

I do miss trying to get through the day with a hangover, the guilt, the shame, the conflict of doing something to my body that is so counter to what I believe in or would ever want to see anyone I love do to themselves.

So, today I have that newly sober (again) sense of gratitude.. by the Grace of God I go, a sense that all is well and that I can handle anything that comes my way. That is what is in this moment..I don't know how long it will last, but it feels good to hang out in it as long as I can.

Have a lovely and wholesome day,
Namaste,
Dilayne

Day 17 AF