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**A Work in Progress** · December 25, 2008, 08:35 AM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Hi DG, and everyone here! Sounds like a lovely time in your house. Funny about the kitchen, and drinking, isn't it? I used to sneak drinks in there, like crazy; it was my haven for drinking. Now, I don't have any trouble at all not drinking in there; but it's still a "haven," because I enjoy cooking so much. I'm glad it isn't a great big trigger for you... or for me.

I'm having a nice breakfast, with the gas fire, and some quiet music (non-Xmas-type) going. Will soon start cooking and wrapping presents for the trip over to Mother's place. After that, Marshy made a great recommendation to me: a funny film on Netflix. I think "funny" will be just what I need, to finish seeing out this year's strange Christmas. I'm invited over to several houses but will decline, just do not want to hear any more about Christmas, or see decorations, or listen to the music...

I hope everyone has something to do, to participate in, today that is enjoyable, fun, satisfying, meaningful, or any combination thereof!

I read something somewhere, a very good idea to move out of a negative mood and into something more positive:

Think to yourself: "I'd be so happy, if only ........ " and insert into the end of the sentence something that you ALREADY have. I've been doing that this morning; it's a great mental trick to snap out of the doldrums, and it is somehow more effective than just the usual making a list of things we feel we ought to be grateful for....

**Accountable for Me** · December 25, 2008, 09:58 AM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Morning,

Last night was pretty good. My little one was sad that her father isn't here anymore and can't celebrate Christmas with her. It came out of left field - and I was totally unprepared. We got through it though. We hung a star on the tree in memory of him. It was nice. Then I went onto U-Tube and played a bunch of children's Christmas songs. She danced and forgot about it. Whew!

Loads of gifts under the tree this morning. Ah, I hear she is up now, must run. Have a great day everyone! I plan on stuffing my face silly with snacks and the birdy later. xoxoxo

**Determinator** · December 25, 2008, 01:01 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Felize Navidad Aberoooos!

went to a nice, albeit alcohol drenched party last night where i was in charge of various culinary tasks. Yes, the kitchen always used to be my place to woof down an extra whole bottle of vino in semi-privacy. arg! anyhow seeing some folks getting staggering wasted was a good reminder/warning to me and I was both amused and saddened by seeing them. all in all a wonderful night I'm happy to say.

it's now very snowy here in the high desert and there are reported 130 mph wind gusts on the sierras just about 4 miles from here. In fact the power only just now came back on.

AFM, good quick thinking to keep your youngsters happy and distracted. for what it's worth I think kids are much more resilient emotionally than we are.

WIP, some comedy does indeed sound good. Dx and I will be off to the movie theater if road conditions allow.

Doggy I can so relate to and appreciate your observation: I'm just thankful to be here and be sober this morning. The best gift I can give my husband is a sober me. I KNOW he appreciates that, and I am grateful.

be well my friends and all to come

**Marshy** · December 25, 2008, 01:58 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Hi all,

I had a nice lunch with friends. It was a bit subdued as three of us are ill, but a good day with no drama, no stress and NO BOOZE (for me). My pre-Christmas lurgy has very kindly stuck around and become a fully fledged Christmas shiver'n'sneeze fest. I'm now back home and enjoying my ill health :H Big box of tissues on the go, throat sweets and hot chocolate. I'll have an early night, and look forward to spreading my germs around a bit more at work tomorrow. Christmas giving in action

DG - I think you could skip Christmas Day by flying to NZ on Christmas Eve, but they'd probably make you wear silly hats on the plane anyway.

Wip - It occurred to me after I recommended that film that it's a cult film (read: not very well known or liked:H) even among British audiences, so.... well, see how you get on. I mean, it's one of my favourites but I can see why it wasn't a big hit, let's put it that way.

AFM - I hope your day works out really well.

**ready2change** · December 25, 2008, 02:29 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Merry Xmas to all!! I have decided to give MYSELF a present this year...my SOBRIETY!! I have had way more AF days this year than ever before, BUT I still do give in to the vino every so often, and ALWAYS regret that I have.

I have been a bit bummed because I joined the gym a few months ago to get fit, and to have something to do in the evening, beside lust over AL. But I have injured my shoulder and have not gone in a couple of weeks. But I have started physical therapy and should be good as new in a few weeks. I know I can go and do other things...and I'm gonna. To those of you who have drinking spouses/partners, you can relate to it sometimes being more difficult to stay away from AL when they continue to drink. It is NOT an excuse...often he drinks AND brings me home my favorite wine, and I proudly decline. I have to sit across the room to avoid the smell of wine, cause when I'm not drinking it, I can't stand the smell of it.

Wish me luck in my AF endeavour, as I have tried this SO MANY times before, it gets so discouraging to keep breaking promises to yourself. I love to pick a major event (such as Xmas) to be the beginning of my AF life. I so love being sober. But something takes over and it is NOT a craving such as I would define a craving, but more like a defiance of my desire. Does that make sense? I just tell myself that I'm not hurting anyone by drinking (cept myself obviously) and my husband doesn't care so what the hec?

I can't believe I conveniently "forget" how terrible drinking makes me feel the next day. I literally wish I were dead some days, because I feel so awful. Did I mention that I LOVE being sober? So I am going back to checking in daily on the AF thread and seeing how well some of my "idols" are doing, and you know who you are!

Off to see Marley and Me today, I think I won't wear any make-up, cause I read the book and I know this is gonna be a tear jerker!!! Then home to cook my pork roast and stuffing and asparagus, sans AL and watch A Christmas Story...which looks pretty cute.

I KNOW I CAN DO THIS....

R2C

**gyco** · December 25, 2008, 02:46 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

yo doggy lady i am so happy for you and mr dog,you probably dont no how much he appreciates you and i hope you and yours have a wonderful christmas gyco

**SAUSAGE** · December 25, 2008, 03:15 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Happy Christmas everyone

I've done it - i've stayed sober all day . It's now 8pm and I know I won't drink tonight. The AF "champagne" worked and I also had an AF Bucks Fizz. Didn't find it anywhere as difficult as I expected, even though everyone else was drinking. Great day with the kids, their new bikes etc etc. Didn't even get that little voice in my head saying "go on you could justify a glass of wine on Christmas day" it just didn't happen!!! Maybe this really is going to get easier from now on.

It was nice to read all your comments, how everyone's been doing today and yesterday - hope everyone continues to have a good day. Only really got new years eve to worry about now !!!

Sausage x

**Pamina** · December 25, 2008, 04:32 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Well done everybody! It is so heartening to read about how people have faced up to challenges, whatever they may be.

My Christmas record is mixed so far - but sober! And mixed in some unexpected ways. Christmas Eve is the bigger holiday here, and I wasn't sure whether I was more nervous about spending it without my father for the first time, or about spending it alone with my sister for the first time. She has major mental health issues and can be very needy, unpredictable, confrontational, not to mention impractical, lacking in initiative, childish. The quintessential adult child. Adult toddler, really. Anyway, I worked myself into bouts of anxiety about it in the week before Xmas but to my huge surprise, we had quite a nice time. There was enough to do, and it's as though all the traditions carried the day. Xmas is very important to her, and she seemed to be on her best behaviour, just happy about the continuity of the celebrations. I'd bought us a bottle of AF white wine, and we sipped on that happily throughout the evening. I felt very grateful last night to realise that the fear I'd harboured in my head far outstripped any discomfort I actually felt during the day. I do wonder how often that's true and how many other things I may be stopping myself from doing just because fears feed themselves.

Today is my first ever Christmas Day alone. I'd thought I would appreciate the respite (my sister is coming again tomorrow), but I've felt my dad's absence more keenly. It's a dull ache kind of melancholy, but I guess that just comes with the territory. Pain, 'straight up'. I felt a nice tinge of recognition reading WIP's post about counting your blessings - I've been doing a lot of that today. A friend sent me a recipe for an apple-ginger-parfait, which I enjoyed trying out this afternoon. Unfortunately it has loads of sugar. DG, judging by your recent exploits, there's a new restaurant in Chicagoland with your name on it!

Sausage, Marshy, AFM - good job moving through your Xmas tribulations.
WIP - hope your visit with your mom went OK.
And R2C - OF COURSE you can do it!

**A Work in Progress** · December 25, 2008, 04:47 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Way to go, Marshy, Pamina, R2C, Det, Sausage! Hi Gyco! Hope the day went well AFM...

Warning, duplicate follows, I just posted this in the Army thread but I think most of you here don't read that thread:

I'm home from the House of Dementia. Mother had an unexplained injury to her face; the second in the last 3 days. And she was very confused, and frightened. She thinks my father is alive (he committed suicide 12 years ago; she found his body), and she thinks that he is doing something against her interests somehow, getting her sent out of her (now) home. She thinks the staff people at the home are involved, somehow. Very confusing. I tried reminding her that he's dead, but that didn't help, she just started back into the theme. But she opened her presents, ate her shrimp cocktail, got the sauce ALL OVER herself, and seemed to be relieved when I told her I wouldn't let anyone make any decisions about her, or send her anywhere... She wasn't interested in watching the movie. When I finally got out of there, she was taking a nap...

Mother was also upset because, she said, the new patient (a man) was in her room this morning, completely naked. Of course I took that with a grain of salt, but, later... I found out from the staff that that one is true. The new guy is having trouble with the rule that he has to wear clothes outside his room... He just arrived a few days ago, from California. Apparently he was living on his own until a week or so ago! His family lives here in the midwest, I guess they had not seen him in while? Jeez Louise.

I guess I've mentioned this before, but: Dementia sucks.

Anyhow, I've got my slippers on and am going to watch some funny and/or light-hearted stuff from Netflix the rest of Christmas. Marshy, thanks for the advice. I couldn't get the one you recommended by way of "instant view," but I ordered it! I like weird cult-y type funny films...

**Accountable for Me** · December 25, 2008, 04:57 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

My day is going very well! Thank God Almighty! I love you guys and hope you have a wonderful day too

**ready2change** · December 25, 2008, 05:21 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Wip...I'm so sorry about your mom! That had to be so difficult for you! I'm glad your home safe and sound and SOBER :-) That might just be enough to make most turn to drink. Hope the rest of your holiday peaceful and pleasant for you.

We didn't get in to see Marley and Me...the line was around the block! And I am catching a cold and did not feel like dealing with all those people. So off to the video store for me. I would like to see "The Women". I hope everyone else is enjoying time (AF) with their families.

We stopped on the way home from NOT going to the show and my husband picked up some wine. I told him he could have the wine that was for me (at the house). He said, "aren't you drinking". I just said no. I have told him that I was going to quit so many times before. I think I will just "show" him this time.

R2C

**retteacher** · December 25, 2008, 05:26 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Well, I had a totally sober Christmas Eve & Day. It was wonderful to be in command of myself every second. Yes, I felt a little twinge when the wine bottle was uncorked, but nothing too big. I'm fine w/it. I just enjoyed the day...all the simple pleasures that would have passed me by had I been drinking. You all know how that is: either I'm drinking or obssessing about when I can have my next one.

Yes, I too used to really do some heavy kitchen drinking. That's one habit that I seem to have broken.

I'm looking for more & more sobriety, ad infinitum.

Thank you everyone.

Mary

**Doggygirl** · December 25, 2008, 07:35 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

Hi all! It's wonderful to see everyone checking back in, and for better or worse on the day, we're all sober. This is good.

I hope in tomorrows thread those of you who are watching movies today can give the name of the movie, and 1 - 5 stars. (1 for sucks the big one, 5 for "I want that movie to be my life!") Becuase there is for sure going to be some movie watchin' going on around here soon - I'm ready for a little extended down time. Probably Saturday while Mr. Doggy is at training.

Today was a nice day I suppose. It being the first sober one since the teen years, I felt a bit like I was outside myself watching the family action. It was a small gathering - just Mom, Dad, Me & Mr., one of my brothers and his son. None of this stuff is new - in fact it's old as the hills. Truth is - my Mom & Dad are H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E at entertaining guests for a meal. They can't do it civilly with each other (well, my Dad can't be civilized to my Mom) and it's just downright uncomfortable to even be there until dinner is over. Then my Dad is always sorry (and I believe him) for how badly he behaves. He gets himself SO worked up with excitement whenever us kids are coming over that he just can't control himself. My poor Mom bears the brunt of it, and I'm just so tired of watching this schtick year after year. I've tried to relieve them of the hosting duties but then they feel bad like they SHOULD be hosting (cuz that's the way it's always been done blah blah blah etc.

Anyway, it ain't going to change. I guess I accept the situation as is -it just makes me sad. At least it's over for another year. I am grateful to be sober becuase drinking sure as hell doesn't improve that situation. And I'm also grateful that Mr. Doggy is understanding and just goes along knowing it will be what it is, and doesn't get shocked or mad or worked up or anything - he just let's it be. And that's what I too must do. I think I've done that reasonably well today - much better than through all the many drinking years. And next Christmas will be like this too if we are lucky enough to all still be alive. No reason to get worked up about it ahead of time. No reason to expect anything different. It is what it is and that's OK. I DO think I have a good understanding of why my Mom is always "forgetting" to "change her hearing aid batteries."

Anyway, I hope you thought to bring yet another sandwich!! Thank you for listening. Now I shall take my happy sober ass to the comfy bed with my book! And my beagle!! I'm tired and glad it's over.

Thanks all for being here...

DG

**greeneyes** · December 25, 2008, 08:01 PM

AF Daily - December 25, 2008

I made it as through as well. I went to the nursing home with the new electric razor my dad (who has / had a beard) insisted upon. I brought hair clippers to prep his face for the electric razor but he insisted on a beard trim. OK. then he couldn't understand why the razor wouldn't work on so much hair. Had to use all three of his electric razors. With us taking turns at it. Then beard trim #2. I called it a trim but since there was no mirror, I shaved it to the skin. Then the razors (the old ones as the new one had been rinsed and needed to dry) worked. I was goiing to go by a friends but skipped it as I really felt like I may not resist a drink. So I went home, made dinner and now its the couch and a movie. It really was a nice day.I had not anticipated the desire to drink over these two days but was ready after that last time I was sideswiped. I forgot what it was but I remember posting "uh-oh, I remember this feeling" and got a lot of help from all of you. Thank God for hot tea. Ho Ho Ho!

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