feeling sad and damaged

[starfairy]

let me tell you about my week......so on monday i had my 1st appointment with a shrink. i cried from the time i walked in till about an hour after i left. i was honest about the drinking and he just seemed shocked like he had never actually known anyone who had a drinking problem before. and he kept looking through this book to "diagnose" me. He says well you are not depressed. DUH!!! I am one of those people who is very intune with herself. so as the session went on he tells me i have post tramatic stress from when i was molested as a child and it has made me hypersensitive as an adult which is where my anger issues come from. he sees very old school and don't know if we are a match but i guess i should continue to go to him since i have already made that step and do not want to start over....but i feel that my problem is my parents and my issues with them.......so anyways then yesterday i go to a new doctor (just one at a family practice) because i like to get a physical once a year. she is the one that my husband goes to and so of corse i tell her about my new soberity and she was just floored. and she just goes off on me about
how would i deal with tramatic things in my life, like (and i swear this is the example she used.) if something really bad happened to my husband. what kind of shit is that. you have only known me for 15 minutes. you just don't say crap like that. who the hell knows how they would react if someone dies that they love with all of their heart. uh my answer is ....run down the street like a crazy lady screaming my dead husband's name. and then she is asking about AA. i tell her about this support group and how it has really been working. I just want to yell come on lady give me some credit i have not had anything to ddrink for 3 weeks and feel great!!!! she continues to tell me that she thinks i am bi-polar and gives me a mood stabilzer called, GET THIS......Topamax. I laughed so hard inside cause she had not idea of the medicine and supplements on this program. i figured what the hell i am already taking all of the other supplements and if it will help me lose about 20 pounds i would be thrilled. i just don't want to be in a fog so we will have to see how it goes. I am just really over the medical field this week. i have had two doctors meet me this week who do not know me from adam and made me feel like a total leper, like i am the only one in the whole world with drinking issues. i guess that is why i always kept it to myself. they all suck and just want their cut off of the scripts. and the great thing is that doctor yesterady did not even say any words of encouragement just gave me an asshole attitude. i just feel damaged and sad. So I stand before you.... i am bi-polar (which i am not!!!) alcoholic housewife with a fucked-up past and anger issues.
to make myself feel better. i painted the best picture last night. it is of a girl smirking and holding up her middle finger. it reads "At the end of the day it really doesn't matter what the fuck you think of me. "
thanks for listening...

[BecomingMeAtLast]

feeling sad and damaged

starfairy,

Congrats on the 3 weeks! :l

I'll do my best to help. I see you're in the US. I know my shrink diagnosed me with post tramatic stress from when i was molested as a child, also, but she did this for insurance purposes and told me that. This was so my insurance would pay for the visits. Did he mention that in your session?

My doctor tried "counseling" both myself and my husband and he sucked at it. It sounds like yours did the same but you got lucky with the topa, anyway. Just follow the MWO instructions with the topa and you should be fine. If you need help with it you know we're here. My doctor's an AA only guy, too. AA has a success rate of less than 10%...

Can you take a photo of your picture and post it? I'd love to see it.

My brother was also misdiagnosed as bipolar. Yes, there are so many physicians in the US that suck it's scary.

You sound level-headed and pissed and that's good. You don't sound nuts to me at all. You sound mad and great!

Thanks for sharing and keep up the good AF work. :h

Be

[GG]

feeling sad and damaged

I'd love to see that picture. Hang in there. The Dr's probably have good intentions, remember that. It would be easier to find a new shrink now rather then later if you feel like you aren't going to jell. Call around and ask if you can meet and talk. Don't give them too much info; just see if you feel more comfortable. If you aren't comfortable with the Dr or trust in the Dr they wont be able to help you. Hang in there, trust you instincts.

[LVT25]

feeling sad and damaged

Amazing story. I'm just shaking my head wondering how these people become doctors. It is pretty interesting for lack of a better word, how f*&*^ed up our society is when it comes to the acceptance/denial about alcohol abuse. Maybe no one does admit it to their doctors. I know I never did--and I lied about the cigarettes too!

Don't give up though. Sounds like you're doing great!

[starfairy]

feeling sad and damaged

i tried to post the picture but it said my allowance was full? what does that mean? I have only uploaded one picture to the gallery before. Is that all we are allowed? so anyways i have switched my avatar to the painting instead. ISlly I know but i love love love to paint!!!

[j-vo]

feeling sad and damaged

Starfairy,
Hang in there girl. I've had similar problems in the past with the medical know-it-alls. I understand about that reaction they give to you. I've been through many therapists, medical docs, and I've finally found someone I can trust and feel comfortable with. It takes some time, but just like with any profession, you'll have those that think they have pinpointed your problem (it's quite funny actually - what assholes) and you'll have these personalities that are not meant to be in the profession they're in. Hey, I'd love to see the pic you painted!

[GG]

feeling sad and damaged

I need to start painting as a hobby. Great way to let out some thoughts...

[gyco]

feeling sad and damaged

hi star, very interesting story,sorry i went thru the same for 55 years,i'm not a doctor but Ive seen 5 psychiatrists a few psychologists, and a few councillors in the last 10 years,i found out this last year very few doctors have but any teachings in alcoholism,nor want to,it is taboo,actually i went to a doctor last year and he reeked of rye whiskey,but he perscribed medication for me,but does his counter parts help him, no,taboo,or don't want to be involved, until he falters,many physicians are also embarrassed cause they recognise they also have the problem,as far as your history it does have a lot to do with your body chemistry,if you come from a family that over indulges your chances are 5 percent higher then most to have the drink problem,but on a good note doesn't mean your alcoholic,if you have 3 weeks under your belt,if no one has tod you congratulations keep up the good work,be proud and welcom gyco

[savon19]

feeling sad and damaged

Starfairy - you haven't lost your sense of Humor... which to me is a sure sign of Sanity!!

I think if you go to a shrink (which I have), they Have to come up with SOME diagnosis... they can't say (gasp), "you're Normal"!!!

It is sad, tho, that they didn't give you any encouragement or positive feedback for going AF. Now... THAT's Crazy.

And 3 wks. is Excellent!!

[gettingthere]

feeling sad and damaged

Hi StarFairy,

I totally know where you are coming from. It's no wonder so many of us don't want to come clean with our doctors. I am so sorry for your experiences.

I told my phychiatrist several years ago about my drinking problem. He was understanding although he made me feel like I had two heads at times. He promptly had me schedule with another physchologist in his office who wasn't an addiction specialist, but thought she would be a fit for me. My first visit I told her about how I thought my problem stemmed from being in an unhappy marriage and that I was staying for the time being because of our kids and the financial stability. She said 'Sounds like prostitution to me'.
What kind of professional says something like that? How dare that bitch judge me--and it was my first visit with her!! I didn't have the balls to say anything and I even went to see her for one more appointment. But I stopped after that because I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere. A waste of my precious time and money!!

I still kick myself to this day that I didn't tell that bitch off and report it to her superior. Lesson learned.

[CS04]

feeling sad and damaged

Starfairy,
I had awful encounters with a psychiatrist, too. The 1st time I went, I was honest with her about my drinking and depression, as well as my husband's drinking, my father's drinking, etc., and she basically condemned me, my family, my past, present and future. Gave me the AA line (oh yeah, and that I needed to go to rehab). I told her about MWO, and she wrinkled up her nose and said "you talk to a CD?" The 2nd time I went -- 6 months later, and she got on my case about that, too (I only went back to her because I needed another script for antidepressants, and I haven't had time to find another dr yet), I lied and told her that I had cut WAY back on my drinking (which is partly true) but hubby still drinks every night. She told me I would have to decide between my sobriety and my marriage. While there may be some truth to her points that is difficult for me to hear, I felt very judged and certainly no compassion. I have had positive experiences with therapy in the past, with other types of counselors. Unfortunaltely, I needed the MD to get the meds.

SO...hang in there, and keep painting!

[Aussie Chick]

feeling sad and damaged

Hi StarFairy, firstly congratulations on 3 weeks AF - you sould like you are really strong despite crap experiences with two medical practitioners in one week. Not good, especially as it takes a lot of guts to go to these appointments in the first place.

I've had bad experiences with Doctors before, especially ones that don't know you and think they can sum up your life in about 5 mins flat and always get it totally wrong. For what it is worth though, I think you should pursue finding the right Doctor & Shrink for you - don't accept the first Shrink if you don't gel with him and really feel he understands where you are at, it is worth a bit of ground work at the beginning to get the right one. Someone in my family has been to see so many and finally when she found a good one it has completely changed her life and she is off all meds now and the happiest we have seen her in over 5 years.

Love the picture though!
AC x x

[Evie.Lou]

feeling sad and damaged

People are people regardless what initials that put in front of their names...They can call themselves doctors but people like that are certainly not HEALERS.

[CS04]

feeling sad and damaged

Starfairy,
I had awful encounters with a psychiatrist, too. The 1st time I went, I was honest with her about my drinking and depression, as well as my husband's drinking, my father's drinking, etc., and she basically condemned me, my family, my past, present and future. Gave me the AA line (oh yeah, and that I needed to go to rehab). I told her about MWO, and she wrinkled up her nose and said "you talk to a CD?" The 2nd time I went -- 6 months later, and she got on my case about that, too (I only went back to her because I needed another script for antidepressants, and I haven't had time to find another dr yet), I lied and told her that I had cut WAY back on my drinking (which is partly true) but hubby still drinks every night. She told me I would have to decide between my sobriety and my marriage. While there may be some truth to her points that is difficult for me to hear, I felt very judged and certainly no compassion. I have had positive experiences with therapy in the past, with other types of counselors. Unfortunaltely, I needed the MD to get the meds.

SO...hang in there, and keep painting!

[bloggy]

feeling sad and damaged

Sorry about your bad experiences Star- can't say I am too surprised.

I had a doctor once who 'specialised' in psychology- he would just sit there staring at me, like I was something that just dropped out of Outer Space.