Newbie in France

[katie-watie]

Hi - I just discovered this site two days ago and it already feels like the answer to my prayers.
I have been planning to leave my hubby of 26 years because of his severe alcoholism which has caused enormous problems in our life and that of our four adolescent and young twenties kids. However I also drink more than I should by quite a lot - it has become a mutual habit - but I get up in the mornings, go to work, pick up all the pieces at home and am generally considered by all around me to be the rock that keeps the family together. The main problem I have with alcohol is not remembering what I watched or what I said or sometimes who I spoke to the night before - which is quite bad enough. Sooo - my tendency is to concentrate on his problem and to assume that I can control mine if he stops.

My epiphany is to realise that if I deal with my own excess I may be able to carry him along with me with the help of this site. We moved to France a few years ago - wine is cheap and good. AA is not really available in the same format here (I know lots of people in the States and the UK who have been helped by that program) and in any case my hubby would not be able to participate in French, apart from the fact that he is absolutely not the type to "share".

Tomorrow I shall make an appointment to see our doctor. I don't know if topiramate is available in France or if he will go along with this program, but if he does I will be really excited. If I can control my own consumption (preferred option as, like Roberta, I like a good wine in moderation) or stop completely, I shall be relieved. If hubby follows suit then life may really take on another dimension.

I have enjoyed reading your posts, and am looking forward to following this program.
"Courage" to all as they say in French!

[Aussie Chick]

Newbie in France

Hi Katie-watie, welcome. I hope everything goes well for you. My guess is that it would be best for you to concentrate on yourself for a bit then when you have confidence in the program you can try to get your hubby involved too.

Hopefully, he will notice the difference in you and want the same for himself.

I've been on this site since 6th Jan, did 11 days AF and have been moderating since which I am actually enjoying. Instead of walloping through a bottle or more of wine a night now I possibly have one or two glasses or stay AF for the day. Early days for me too and I hope it continues like this or I will go AF rather than sink back into the old habits. I have not used Topiramate but have got the meds and sups from MWO, I didn't use them for the first 10 days as they hadn't got here (Australia) but have been on them since and I think they must be helping.

You'll feel so much better for it too.

Good luck to you.
AC x x

[Cherbear]

Newbie in France

Welcome Katie,

Good for you to get yourself healthy first! My ex and I were drinking buddies which wasn't healthy but at the time I didn't realize just how much that caused all our problems.
You can only control yourself not him so you are on the right track.
For me>> I tried moderating so many times after a little AF and I would just creep back up to where I left off. So now I'm committed to AF.
I went to a naturopath. not sure if they are as available in France but she has really helped me get what is depleted built back up in me so I can stay strong against AL.

Good luck and glad you found this Forum.

[last call]

Newbie in France

Katie

:welcome: Katie. Dear, you sure have a lot on your plate. Keep coming back we're all here to help. I'm pretty new myself. Been AF 8 days. So I am an example that it can be done. I never thought I'd get thru the first day, but here I am.. Glad to help you in anyway I can. :elk:

[Baja Chic]

Newbie in France

I tried to be AF for 30 days and couldn't make it, or perhaps I should say, I didn't try hard enough and allowed myself 6 days out of 30 to drink. My plan was to mod, but I went right back to one whole bottle of wine each time. I now realize that modding isn't going to work for me. I loved my AF days. My body feels much better and I've lost weight. So here I go again, seeking 30 days. I'm so glad I found this site as I hated AA. I just want to live life without alcohol and be happy doing so!

[sunshine_gg]

Newbie in France

Bonne chance

Welcome Katie and hats off... you are taking on a lot.

Please feel free to join us at the Newbie's nest and invite your husband along - we'd love to have you both.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Newbie in France

Hi katie,

My HB and I are both drinkers. I came here in March of 2008 and told him about it shortly after. While he is not following the program as much as I am, he has cut down on his drinking and is taking some supplements. I think his seeing how much better I feel and how healthier I am has made a big influence on him. When he wakes up with a hangover day after day and I don't, well, I think it made him think. He wants to feel better, too.

Just my experience. It's a very difficult co-dependent cycle to break at first but so worth it.

Take care,
Becoming

[katie-watie]

Newbie in France

Thank you so much for all your encouragement - I am really looking forward to doing this. How hypocritical I feel, though, typing this with a glass of wine, but I want to start with all the elements in place. I have a doctor's appointment Thursday to see if he will prescribe the topa and then I shall order the hypnotherapy CDs and supplements. It doesn't help that we are heavily in debt at this point, but if it works we shall certainly save money on the booze!!

I pray for all of you who are attacking your own demons, but think that the support of others in the same boat, unknown but present online, is really a great help.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Newbie in France

katie,

A lot of physicians with prescribe the topa for migranes if they won't for AL.

Be

[rubywillow]

Newbie in France

Dear KW! So good to see France represented somewhat!! Really, don't feel hypocrytical, feel honest. It will take a while to settle, to discover your level and your tolerance. Many people start wanting to moderate and end up going AF. You have to forget your husbands problems for a while and focus on yours, because you DO have a problem it you are forgetting, missing time, anything related to AL. As you change your life, others in your life will want to change theirs, or will be unable to do so and maybe become angry or resentful. You have to learn first and foremost, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBILE FOR THE LIFE YOU LIVE, GOOD OR BAD. If you are not happy with it, only you can change it. If your husband is not happy with his, only he can change it. You can lead, as they say, but you can't make anything happen. I'm so happy you found this place, but not nearly as happy as I am that I found it!!! My life is unrecognizable from 6 months ago. Good luck, keep posting, PM me anytime, and get ready to work and change, if that's what you REALLY want. I have my reasons to be sober, and I have found they, and many more, are so much more worth it than a drink, a hangover, or a blackout! Welcome!!!