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Guest
August 6th, 2006, 12:25 AM
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sophia
August 6th, 2006, 04:08 AM
Need or want??

Hi Brigid, no you don't need to cheer up. Its sounds like someone somewhere is pointing that finger and saying "Cheer up my girl or else"!!! (even if it is some old distant figure in your mind) I relate to you very much, I have repliied somewhere else to you. This is the hard bit for me, facing up to unpleasant feelings and just accepting them for what they are and trying to understand what they are trying to tell me. Sometimes it is the what they are trying to tell me that I don't want to face up to. It is "what" I am not happy about, angry about, fearful off etc etc. Does that make sense? Because I am faced with " well do I do something about it or just let it ride". wow I think Ihave just realised that myself as I am typing this!! Thank you.

I respect your abstinence, all this time. You see thats why I am going for abstinence too, because at my blip moments moderation would not be moderation I know that for sure. But it MUST be getting better for you if you are at a blip and you still are not caving in to that bas***d who promises to make us feel better, but in the long run makes us feel worse.

Good stuff girl, stay with it, really search deep, are you religious, ask God to show you what this meloncholy is about. Or search your heart, is there something occuring right now in your life that you don't want to face up to?

Hope I haven't overstepped the mark with this, sometimes it is easy to project where we are at onto others, and it is completely off the mark, especially in a forum like this, when we only have what we can read in front of us. Its hard to really judge where someone is at, not being able to see their face and body language. So I hope I haven't sounded patronising.

Love Carole

Guest
August 6th, 2006, 07:56 PM
Carole, You are right. I've done so much bloody work on this stuff that I feel like I should be OVER it by now. However, I have come so far and I KNOW I'm in the right direction.. I just need to go gently on myself and not give up on the fight. Of course there is stuff there that I need to still work on and basically its about how to get the balance of my life right... and particularly the balance of what is for me and what is for others, in terms of the energy I give out.

So, no, you didnt overstep the mark.. dont worry about that.
Brigid

stayathomemotherdom
September 21st, 2006, 12:18 AM
My thoughts

You know you have support here...do you have any social groups that you belong to for support? Those times are hard, and I know the roller coaster will continue for quite awhile. I've gotten active in my church (and believe me, those are words you wouldn't have heard rolling out of my mouth a year ago.) But the key to sobriety in my opinion is finding spirituality, whether it's through God or through other people. We tend to dwell and worry too much when we are prone to relapse, and therefore, we must call someone who can support us.


about time too wrote: I've been pretty down and refective this past two days. I posted on the monthly abstinence bit.. but in my reflections my mind just bungles around.

I mean - here I am at 9 months abstinent. Its not as if I'm about to cave in now. I'm not. I dont feel week about that.. but I hate having to deal with emotions that are big. drinking used to drown them out and now I have to face them and I dont like that. (sounds like I"m going to have a tanty!!) I CAN say, this feeling has gotten better over the months, but its not perfect yet.. suppose it wont ever be.. and when its hard, its hard for me to see that it has got easier and better cos its hard right now.

Its at these times that I reflect also on how moderation would crush me at times like this. I cant debate in my mind how many drinks I might have, cos its simply none.

Gee, I need to cheer up dont I.
Brigid

xtexan
September 21st, 2006, 12:55 AM
Hi about time too:

I am now nine months abstinent as well, and I can relate to what you are saying.

Drinking was like being in a familiar house, where you knew where all the furniture was, all your dishes, all your stuff.

Now at nine months for me, it seems as if nothing is in the right place anymore. Strange waves of being right on the money like I have never known, then the next day being on a strange planet with my nerves all frazzled.

I hope the days where I feel like I can stay sober forever come more frequently. Its those days when I try to talk myself into just "having a couple" that I fear now. God, I can lie to my myself better than I could ever lie to anyone else you know. Finally, I say to myself, "xtexan, you are a full of BS. You know you won't just have a couple! You will get obliterated after "just a couple", and be one sorry excuse!"

Hang tough. We can do it.

wwbarb
September 22nd, 2006, 10:17 AM
Wow!

I've got to tell you guys, this hit me right between the eyes. I was abs for six weeks, then came my birthday, which turned into my birthweek and is well on its way to birthmonth! During those six weeks, I sometimes thought, I could do this forever. Other days, why me!!

I was thinking, what in life is NOT like that. Some days, I love my job, the challenge, the people I work with, the quick passing of the time. Other days, I am ready to turn in my resignation, thinking, why do I have to be subjected to this, how come SHE(or HE) gets all the breaks, when do I count!! My marriage and parenthood are exactly the same.

I guess it's just life! It's a roller coaster - sometimes up, sometimes down - overall, a lot more fun than the merry-go-round where nothing new ever happens. When you start to have the pity party, xtexan put it great, you just tell yourself "this is BS and you know it!!".

Somedays are harder than others. Maybe when you know that a "down day" is just temporary, that makes it easier!!

Can you tell I just listened to the clearing CD??

Barb